Page 103 of Resist Me

It was easy to get booze as a college student. All you had to do was offer someone fifty bucks and they’d pop into Walmart to grab you a bottle. Who needed laws when you felt depression ripping a hole in your chest?

After taking a long drink, I laid back in the grass. It was damp because Seattle was a gloomy bitch. The light drizzle had been going on for a while and the rain was cold, but it wasn’t enough to soak through me. The vodka helped warm me up, or at least to feel like it.

The clouds shifted just enough for me to catch a glimpse of a few stars. The field was mostly dark, only a few lights around the perimeter offering enough of a glow to see what was around me. I stared up at the sky, wondering what it would be like to live up there. Being an astronaut sounded boring and I’d definitely go crazy and start talking to myself. I already did that, but it’d grow to a concerning level.

My stupid brain went back to the day we’d sung karaoke at our place. I found myself wanting to hear Linc sing again. Would he play the piano while he did? I wondered if he would play guitar if I asked. That would be hot.

I sat up enough to take another drink before I started singing the best line, “I’d rather take my whiskey neat.” I didn’t hit those notes the way he did, but it didn’t matter. There was nobody here to judge me.

“Has anyone told you that you sound like a cat in labor?”

I jumped a little. Craning my head backward, I watched Sen approach. He looked kind of funny upside down, which made me laugh.

“You found me. Are you with the CIA?”

He snorted as he sat down beside me. “Sounds like you’ve had a lot of that.”

I held the bottle out to him and he took it. He surprised me by taking a drink.

“Seneca, I dare say we’ve corrupted you.”

“You’ve seen me drink before. You act like I’m some innocent kid because I was scared of dicks my whole life.”

“I’d be scared too. Kai was blessed by the hog gods.”

“Uh, should I be concerned that you’ve seen my boyfriend’s dick?

With a laugh, I turned to face him. He laid back and settled on his side.

“When we were seventeen, he got way too drunk at a prom afterparty. We got back to his house and he refused to go to sleep until he showered. He almost died, like, five times, so I had to help him. It was a bonding experience, for sure. We’ve both seen each other’s dicks.” I shrugged and took another drink.

“Sometimes I think he’s too perfect. Even with everything he’s been through with his dad, he’s just so kind.”

“He’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met,” I agreed. “He’s not perfect, but he’s damn close.”

“Lincoln is up there too.”

I looked at the sky again. “Yeah.”

“I heard what happened. He was trying to hide it, but he was freaking out. We all went out to look for you.”

“Where are they?”

“We went in different directions. Kai wanted to argue because he thought you’d be here, but I convinced him to let me check.”

Glancing sidelong at him, I tried to read his expression. He looked calm, but he was fidgeting.

“What’s on your mind, Sen?”

“I just thought it might help if I found you. Kai can fix almost anything, but he could never understand what it’s like to have parents that don’t love you the way they should. All he can do is empathize, which I adore him for. It’s not the same, though.”

The tears came again and I hated it. Crying didn’t do any good. The alcohol was supposed to drown it, but now it was making me more emotional.

“You can’t fix it either,” I pointed out.

“I’m not here to fix it. I just think you need someone who understands, to a degree. We have different versions of similar pain. Someone who hasn’t lived in this dark, ugly place you’re trapped in right now just can’t understand what it actually feels like. I don’t tellKai how hard it’s been because he’ll want to fix it and he just can’t. I’m working through it, trying to heal as much as I can.”

“How do you do that?”

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