Page 104 of Resist Me

“Well, I’m in therapy, which helps. A lot of it is actually letting myself feel it and thinking about what I want for my future. My parents want nothing to do with me, but I’ve thought about it a lot since December. If they came around someday and wanted a relationship with me, I don’t know if I’d let them back in my life. And that makes me feel like a really bad person, but sometimes, the way someone has hurt us is too deep to come back from. I do wish the best for them, but what I’ve endured because of them, my whole life and since I came here, will always affect me. But an apology wouldn’t fix it. I’ll never have my parents in my life and now that’smydecision.

“I know you hate your dad, but I also know there’s a piece of you that is still desperate for him to love you; to tell you that he loves you. And that part might be the hardest. It’s a fucked up sort of longing because you’re asking for something that will very likely just hurt you more. I’m not saying you need to let go of it. I know it’s not that simple. What you need to do is stop letting him take away the things that are good for you.”

“Like Linc.”

“Yes. And Kai. He’s worried about you, but you’ve been pushing him away too. He tries to take on too much of other people’s problems.”

“I know. I don’t want him to hurt because of me. I just feel like I can’t stop hurting people.”

“You’re not your dad, West. Whatever you and Willow went through, it obviously has different effects on you. She has her pain and you have yours. It doesn’t make either less valid. You want to protect her, but who’s been protecting you, West? If you don’t let anyone be there for you, don’t you think they’ll feel the same way you do right now when all you want to do is be there for your sister?”

“You sound a lot like Kai. Are you wearing an earpiece? Kai, if you can hear me, I take back what I said about your dick. It’s ugly just like your face.”

Sen shoved my shoulder, laughing lightly. I smiled for only a moment before reality broke through again. What he’d said did help, but it didn’t change anything going on with Willow. I knew that shewas an adult and I couldn’t control her. I didn’t want to be on her ass, but the worry ate at me.

“Are you ready to see them?” he asked.

After a deep breath, I rolled to my feet. When I stumbled, he grabbed onto my arms to steady me.

“Feet were not made for drunk people,” I noted.

“You know, West, you might be certifiably insane.”

“Can you get me that in writing? I want to hang it on my wall.”

“We’ll all sign it since I’m pretty sure they’ll agree.”

I looped my arm through his with a smile. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.”

“Is that supposed to make sense?”

“I don’t know, man. Hey, you know that song by Harry Styles? The…” I snapped my fingers repeatedly. “The one on TikTok. Well, you’re singing that with me while we walk, otherwise I’ll probably get sad again and throw up.”

Chapter 35

Lincoln

As I walked through the courtyard, I ran my fingers through my hair. Kai assured me that West would be fine, but I wouldn’t feel any better until we found him. Sure, he might be fine, but he wasn’tokayand that did things to me. I couldn’t stand knowing that he was hurting and alone. Those two things shouldn’t be associated with West at all. He was sunshine and fucking cupcakes with a need for constant attention. He could be upset, but I was going to make it a requirement that he had to do it with me. Or someone else, but preferably me.

Dropping onto one of the benches, I rested my elbows on my knees. If I was West, where would I go? Anywhere with food, which was too broad to go off of. The field, but Sen took that area. Maybe I’d check myself just to be sure.

“Damnit,” I muttered.

My hands covered my face as I tried to calm myself. He probably wouldn’t want me to coddle him like this. West was an adult, although the specifics of that were questionable sometimes. If he wanted to be around someone right now, it would be Kai. I couldn’t just claim him as mine and become overbearing.

I’d send him a text and continue walking around campus. If I found him, I would take care of him, but as long as Kai kept me updated, I wouldn’t freak out. I could do that.

“Linc!”

Oh, thank fuck.

I looked up to find West jogging over to me. There was a smile on his face, but it wasn’t as bright as I wanted to see. Just as I was about to stand, he grabbed either side of my neck and kissed me. He planted a knee on the bench beside me, keeping me pinned in place with his body.

“You taste like shitty vodka,” I noted.

He just hummed in acknowledgement. I grabbed the back of his thigh and pulled his other leg onto the seat so that he was straddling me. Running my hands up his sides, I was able to push away some of my frantic thoughts from the past couple of hours.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

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