Page 61 of Unfix Me

I rolled my eyes and was thankful he couldn’t see it. That was one of the dumber points some people tried to make. If a same sex relationship had a dynamic that resembled traditional gender roles, they thought it was proof that we were just masquerading, trying to force something while we craved ‘normalcy.’

“There are no rules to attraction,” I explained. “You can be gay however you want.”

“Like you not wanting a short guy.”

Burying my face in his shoulder, I smothered my laugh. “Exactly. Want to know my type?”

“Yeah,” he breathed as my fingers glided over his bare chest.

Positioning my lips at his ear, I traced the curve of it with my tongue. “Got a mirror, baby?”

“That’s stupid. Actually, you liking me at all is dumb. I don’t even have anything to give you.”

“Don’t talk shit about yourself.”

“I just don’t get it.”

“You don’t get why I like you?” He nodded and I continued to stroke his chest while I tried to think of a response. “If you need a list, I’ll make one, but there’s still so much I don’t know about you. I want to learn it all, but you have to let me. Is that what you want?”

“Yeah, but it might take a while.”

“I’ve got forever. Take it or leave it.”

Now that he was in my arms, my exhaustion came back with a vengeance. I readjusted so that I was lying on the pillow with my face against the back of his neck. Once I closed my eyes, I knew I was a goner for the night.

Chapter 21

Sen

“Halloween,” I repeated. “You want to go out on Halloween?”

Kai grinned and my heart sped up. I thought that would stop happening after a couple weeks, but it hadn’t let up yet. He tossed a cheese ball at me and I caught it in my mouth.

“I want to take you out, but since I’m your secret mistress, I can’t do that.”

“You’re not… Oh, you’re joking.”

He winked. “I mean, kind of. I can have patience on that front. The date, though… On Halloween, nobody has to know who you are.”

It made sense objectively. The idea of going on a date with him at all made my stomach all sorts of fucked up. Kai wanted to takemeout. I’d never thought of a better use for the word ‘asinine.’ ‘Delusional’ also came to mind.

My phone lit up, making my stomach clench. My dad had been texting me more often, asking for updates and making sure I was still going to my appointments with Derek. The day after Kai slept in my bed, I skipped it. Yesterday, I did it again. But I told my dad that it was going well and I really liked the counselor. After the first lie, it really wasn’t that hard.

Kai looked down at the buzzing phone. He’d noticed how much it was going off lately, but he didn’t say anything about it. I kind of wished he would. He was firm and demanding in some ways but patient and understanding in others. He didn’t let me run, which was helpful, but part of me wanted him to force my hand so that I’d come clean about everything that held me back. I was too much of a coward to do it myself.

“Fine,” I said when the screen went black. “A date on Halloween.”

His eyes lit up and he leaned forward before he remembered that we were in the courtyard. Clearing his throat, he readjusted his crossed legs and threw a handful of cheese balls into his mouth.

“I’m gonna blow your freaking mind,” he garbled around his mouthful.

“So, the balls are for practice.”

He laughed, nearly choking on the food. “Baby, I don’t need practice and if I did, I’d go straight to the source.” His gaze slid down my body, making my cheeks heat. “Speaking of; have you had sex before?”

“Yeah.”

As he rubbed his jaw, I stared at the light stubble there. If we were inside, I might be brave enough to reach out and run my fingers over it. I wanted to feel it against my face. Maybe other places…

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