Page 18 of Everything I Want

Without any more words needed, he lays down beside me and pulls me close.

Before long his breaths are soft and even. I settle into his warm body and bask in the moment.

December 14th

Scott:Get that apron ready! I'm excited to bake these famous cookies with you and Oliver tonight!

December 15th

Scott

Me:Think about your list, and whether you are naughty or nice. Tonight we will write our letters to Santa and drop them off in his mailbox at the park.

I just finished up at the senior center after a long day and I am finally heading to Lorelei’s house.

After we got home from the hotel yesterday, I had to come in to work for a bit for an emergency. I was glad that it wasn’t a problem and I still made it over to bake cookies with Lorelei and Oliver.

Now, I’m on my way back over for another night of Christmas memories.

I ordered some specially designed Santa paper to write letters to Santa. She’s been very quiet since last night and my anxiety has been rising ever since. I am worried it could either be about us, or if she's feeling neglected about me needing to work yesterday.

I’m hoping tonight will set things back to normal. I know this time of year is especially hard for her since it was Andrew’s favorite holiday and her first time being with someone since Andrew. But I’m determined to make it special for her. All of it.

I stop by the store to grab a bottle of wine before I go over her house, and I run into Lacey and Colton at the store.

“Hey Lacey. How are you two doing?” I greet them.

“We’re good. What are you and Mom up to tonight? I see it involves wine,” she winks.

“It does. We’re writing letters to Santa and then bringing them to the park to deliver them. She’s been a little quiet since last night.” I shrug trying to be nonchalant, like it isn’t eating at me every minute.

“I know she has. Just push her. Don’t let her retreat back into her grief, please? She wants to be happy, I know it,” Lacey whispers to avoid gossip.

I guess that answers my question of what has been bothering her.

“I won’t. I promise.”

They head off to check out and I add some of Lorelei’s favorite chocolate, hoping it will help along with the wine after that warning from Lacey.

Every year, Lupine Valley sets up an oversized mailbox decorated as if it came straight from the North Pole in the park for the children to bring their letters. Each night, someone takes the letters and writes back to the children, signing off as Santa. It was magical when my boys were young and we looked forward to it every year. This year, I’m happy to add new memories of this tradition even though my sons are grown.

Both of us put our pens down about the same time and Lorelei smiles at me.

“Are you ready to mail these letters?” I ask Lorelei as I put my letter in an envelope.

“Sure am,” she responds with a weak smile.

“Before we go, do you mind if we talk about last night?” I ask her.

She wrings her hands together in front of her and faces me.

“About what? Was something wrong?” she immediately throws out.

“Of course not! Last night was perfect, I just want to make sure you’re okay. You’ve been a little quiet.” I place my hand on hers trying to read her, and figure out her feelings.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be, but last night was great. I promise.” She gets out of her chair and comes over to place a kiss on my lips.

"Lorelei, we can talk about it." I push her to open up like Lacey suggested.

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