Page 1 of Silent Cravings

1

VALENTINA

Rose was pregnant.

We thought this was an engagement party, but my cousin, Colton, went and added the fact they were having a baby.

I wasn’t prepared for this. Just like I wasn’t prepared to hear the news with dozens of people around me. Especially not someone who hadn’t stopped watching me no matter how I silently wished he would find something,anythingelse to look at.

Everyone was clapping, giving hugs, and squealing with excitement. Some were already bombarding Rose with questions about baby showers and such. Yet, all I could do was grip the stem of my champagne flute a little tighter and hope with literally every part of me that no one expected my enthusiasm.

I didn’t want to come off as a petty bitch who couldn’t handle her friends’ happiness. Besides, Colton was my cousin. This was about more than friendship alone. They were going to expand our family. But no matter how much Itried, I was frozen to my spot, a wave of anxiety rolling through me.

The announcement felt like a complete kick in the stomach.

“Shit, I didn’t expect them to start popping out kids for a while yet.” As usual, Lucian found an eloquent way to express himself. He looked at me, then at Evan, and was clearly let down by our lack of a reaction. “Fine,” he mumbled, draining his glass. “Guess I’ll go congratulate them or something.”

He didn’t know—at least, I didn’t think he did. Nobody had ever mentioned us in the years since our fling fizzled out, so I had always assumed Evan was just as tight-lipped about it as I had been. Only my twin sister knew, and even then, I wouldn’t have told her if I thought it was something I could’ve hidden from her. One of the downfalls of having a twin, I guess.

I scanned the room, seeking her out, finding her standing with an arm around Miles’ waist as they waited their turn to congratulate the parents-to-be. Twins had a funny way of understanding each other. It was like she felt me watching her, though she only offered a bright smile and tried to wave me over. When I stood still, her smile slipped away, and worry lines etched themselves across her brow.

All those years ago, lying on the bathroom floor.

Weak.

Dizzy.

Trying to pretend as if it had never happened. Then mustering the strength to ask my sister one thing while she witnessed me at my worst.

“Promise me, Aria. Promise me never to mention this ever again. I want to forget this. No, Ineedto forget this.”

“But, Val…”

“No!” My frail voice reverberated throughout the bathroom as she looked down at me and whispered,

“I promise.”

Now she got it.

We were on the same page.

And I kind of hated her for it because we were never ever supposed to talk about that awful night.

If I went on as if it had never happened, then it couldn’t be true—out of sight, out of mind, and all that. This eighteen-year-old logic had worked well for me over the last decade. Besides, it wasn’t something I could afford to dwell on. If I did, it might consume me.

I downed what was left of my champagne before deciding to go for something a little stronger and less sugary. I didn’t need a killer hangover in the morning. With the bar in Rose’s kitchen pretty much less crowded now that everybody was gathered around the happy couple, I could fix myself a proper dirty martini, which I downed before pouring another. Why not? I wasn’t driving.

“Can you believe it?” Sienna was practically bouncing on the balls of her feet when she found me drinking alone. “That is going to be one beautiful child. I can’t believe the idiot didn’t say anything,” she added, referring to her brother, Colton.

“I guess they wanted it to be a surprise,” I pointed out with a shrug. “Anyway, we all know now.”

“No wonder they went to dinner with the parents earlier instead of inviting them here,” she mused, gathering a few empty bottles and rinsing them in the sink. “I guess they must have broken the news then to make it more special.”

“I’m sure it was special,” I agreed, torn between nursing the martini and chugging it. There wasn’t enough vodka in the bottle to soothe the throbbing ache in my chest or thesarcasm on the tip of my tongue. “I mean, breaking the news in front of a bunch of strangers at a restaurant?”

“You sound like somebody pissed in your martini glass.” She was still laughing joyfully when she made this observation, totally oblivious, probably a little tipsy and over the moon at the idea of being an aunt.

For the first time in ten years, I wished I hadn’t kept things a secret. Maybe then she would understand the gut punch of being reminded all at once of what could have been. Then again, what difference would it make? I’d have everybody feeling weird and awkward around me when it came time for announcements like this. I didn’t want that either. I wasn’t anybody’s object to pity. Anything but that.

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