Page 86 of Mind Pucked

I’m sitting with Hayden at their house. Jackson is playing tonight, but I don’t have the strength to watch the game from the stands. I don’t want to face everyone, and I don’t know what the guys and their wives know or don’t know.

Hayden and I are drawing while we have the big game on the massive television in the living room. Hayden doesn’t seem to notice the game, or the fact her daddy is on TV, but my eyes drift to it from time to time and my heart aches every time I do.

I smile at Hayden’s drawing of their house. It’s a four-year-old’s version of a house, but it’s clearly the one we’re in. I frown, though, when I see that she’s drawn not only Jackson and herself, but she has me in the picture too. I’m standing right between them, holding both of their hands.

“Can I have a snack?” Hayden asks from her spot at the little table.

“Sure,” I say, getting to my feet. “Are you alright sitting right here while I run into the kitchen?”

“Yep.” She smiles as she continues to color. “I won’t color on the table, I promise,” she adds, and I don’t know if she’s just being sweet or if that means she plans to do just that.

Reluctantly, I run into the kitchen and grab her a juice and some fruit. I plate it and turn to walk out, trying not to think about what Jackson and I once did on this very counter. His every touch replays in my mind…we were together right here…the day we made it official.

I shake my head, trying to think of anything but being alone with him in that way. I miss Jackson in so many ways, but every place in this house reminds me of him and the times we spent together.

I really messed this up for us.

“Who’s hungry?” I ask, trying to sound cheerful, asking as if there’s a whole room full of kids, rather than the one wonderful child sitting waiting on me.

“Me!” Hayden squeals as her hand shoots into the air. “Bananas!” she says as she spies the plate of bananas, strawberries, and kiwi I’ve made for us.

“Your favorite.” I put the plate down and catch Oliver scoring a goal on the screen. “Yes!” I whoop as I celebrate with the Jays, wishing like hell I could be there.

“Did Daddy make a point?” Hayden asks as she spins around to see the TV. “Because he’s good at that,” she adds, and I can see how proud she is of her father.

“No, not this time,” I say. “But Uncle Oliver did.”

“Who’s winning?” she asks, her little cherublike face beaming up at me.

“The Jays,” I say with my own smile—hers is so infectious, I just can’t help it.

“Go Chicakoh!” she says, trying to pronounce Chicago, and it’s the cutest thing I think I have ever heard.

“Go Chicago!” I match her energy as we cheer the Jays together.

I sit down with her, and we go to town on the fruit in front of us while we return to coloring. I still look up at the TV occasionallyto keep up with the game, but each time causes a pang in my heart.

In between glances at the screen, I steal glances at Hayden. This kid means the world to me. I would be lost without her.

I didn’t know if this job was something I wanted to last forever when I applied for it. In all honesty, I didn’t really think of Hayden at all when I came up with my plan. I didn’t think for a second about the child I would be hurting in the long run if I found out her father was a killer, or if I ended up falling for him even after all the lies I was harboring.

I’m a horrible person.

I feel deep down in my bones that it’s just a matter of time before I get fired. Jackson hates me, and he has every right to let me go at any time.

I’m shocked I’ve gotten to keep the job this long.

There are far too many emotions flooding through me right now. I don’t know what I’m going to do. It might be easier in the long run just to leave…but I can’t do that.

No, I just need to let Jackson know that I’m not here to hurt them. I don’t want to do that at all anymore. That’s the furthest thing from my mind.

I focus on the game for a moment because doing anything else is not possible. If I continue to think about Jackson and Hayden, I’ll likely come unglued.

Oliver has the puck again. He’s good, really good.

The image changes to show Felix in the goal box. He’s ready for if the other team takes the puck back.

I don’t think that’s going to happen.

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