Page 85 of Mind Pucked

“Well, that should make you feel a little better anyway,” she says, and for a moment I’m not sure what she means by that.

“What should make me feel better?” I wonder.

“That your wife wasn’t stepping out on you,” she confirms. “It sounds like she was just trying to get to the bottom of everything after finding out she had a brother with an ex-dad who is a very scary guy.”

“Oh, I don’t know how I feel about it,” I say, though deep down that feels like a lie.

“Relieved,” she says. “That’s how you should feel.”

“It’s hard to feel that way, Mom, when all I feel is the pain of losing her all over again, and now Amelia. I never wanted to fall in love again, and here I am hurting over the loss of a second woman who is still alive. I don’t know which one is worse, if I’m being honest with myself.”

“Come on, you have to agree that knowing she was true to you counts for something,” she says with conviction.

“Alright, I guess you’re right in that department. I’m not mad at Lyla. I’ve always been hurt that she left Hayden and me, but deep down I hoped there was some explanation for Preston being wither her. Did I ever think I would find out…? No. Now that I know, however, I don’t know how to feel. I mean, why didn’t Lyla tell me about all this?”

“My guess is she didn’t want you and Hayden to be in danger of finding out the Mafia was after Preston,” she says, and I know she might be right.

“I’m just so pissed,” I admit as I put my head in my hands.

Rage runs through me again as I process it all. Every time I go through it…I just come back to being mad at Amelia for all of it.

“There’s no need to be mad at the dead,” my mother says. But she has it all wrong—it isn’t Lyla I’m angry with.

“No, Mom, I’m pissed at Amelia,” I admit. “The kind of pain she caused me…and the danger she’s possibly put us in…I just don’t think I can ever forgive her. She thought I killed my wife, Mom.”

“Get ahold of yourself, Jackson,” she says. “You would have done the same thing. Your anger is unwarranted, and you need to grow the fuck up.”

I’m taken by surprise…my mother hardly ever cusses. I can hardly process what she’s saying I’m in so much shock. It’s like I’ve been slapped across the face, and it might hurt less if she had just done that.

“How can you think I would have done the same?” I ask her with disbelief at what she’s saying.

“What if the tables had been turned? Say it was Preston who had died, and they found his body, but Lyla’s body wasn’t there, but her purse was in Preston’s car.” She pauses a moment as she gets up and takes our plates and cups to the sink before sitting back down. “You would have just sat back and done nothing? You can’t think that girl expected to fall in love with you and Hayden.” She reaches over to take my hand again. “You know that Amelia isn’t to blame for Lyla’s death any more than you are…or even Preston. Jackson, she’s the only reason you’ve been so happy these last few months…you told me so yourself.”

I pause and think for a moment. She’s not wrong, but there are so many things I can’t get over. Not right now anyway.

“I just don’t think I can get over the fact that she lied to me, and by extension lied to Hayden,” I say as I shake my head in irritation. “She knew about the rivalry Preston and I had. She knew all of it and she pressed for information, Mom. She made it seem like I could be honest and vulnerable with her about Lyla, and now I know it was all a lie. She was just trying to decide whether I did her in myself.”

Through the anger in my system, a single tear slips down my cheek. My blood feels like ice and my heart is like stone as it falls to the pit of my stomach.

“I do see your side of things, Jackson, don’t think I don’t,” she says softly as she puts the lid on the cake. “But if you trust my opinion whatsoever…I think you and Amelia can get through this. I think you need to talk about it without fighting, and try to see each other’s side of things.”

“I don’t know, Mom,” I say. “I have to head to practice. I don’t care if you stay and visit, but don’t talk to Amelia about this, please.” I get to my feet, somehow feeling a little better than I did before this conversation.

23

AMELIA

Over the course of the last couple of weeks, things have become so weird between Jackson and me. The day I spent with Hayden at the park was fun, but the little tyke kept asking about her daddy and me, and I didn’t know what he had told her apart from what he’d said at the door.

I didn’t want to overstep or make things worse than they already were, so I deflected most of her questions. I’m just thankful she’s still so little, and easy to distract.

When we got back to the house that day, Jackson’s mom was at the house, which made things even stranger. Of course, she was nice, force-feeding me cake until I couldn’t breathe…or maybe I did that to myself…but she acted as if she didn’t know a thing, and that made it even worse.

Working for Jackson sure has its ups and downs. The ups—Hayden. The downs—everything else.

And the fact that my heart still aches to be with him.

Sure enough, Preston has called twice since the first time—every three days, like clockwork, from a different number each time.We make the calls short to keep us both safe, and I try not to talk in detail around Hayden, but it’s great to hear his voice and it becomes a little easier each time.

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