Page 90 of Why Not Now?

Cerberus comes down the hall toward me, his claws clicking on the hardwood floors, his tail wagging softly, showing me he’s happy to see me but seems to understand I’m not happy myself.

“I should have called first,” I say.

Spencer follows Cerberus from the living room. “Well, probably, yeah. But it’s fine. What’s wrong?”

“I think Ava and I broke up.”

Spencer ushers me into the living room, pressing me down onto the couch. Lis remains in the kitchen, bustling around while I stare blankly out the window. I’m not sure how much time passes as I sit in shock. I’ve lost her again.

Then, suddenly, Vic and Adalie are here and they’re sitting on the couch with me. Spencer is sitting in a chair. Lis is still in the kitchen.

“Tell us what happened,” Spencer says.

I do. I tell them about Lacey’s conversations with me and how I paid for the repairs on her new car. About how the fight started this morning, and that she was pissed. And how she’d told me to leave.

“So I left,” I conclude as a timer goes off.

“Let me see if I have this straight,” Vic says. “Last time, she told you to leave, but she didn’t actually want you to. This time, she told you to leave again. Do you think you maybe shouldn’t have?”

It had crossed my mind. About a million times since I left. Was my leaving a mistake? It had been before. But I’d done what she asked. I’d done what she told me she needed.

“I asked her if she was sure. She said she was. She doesn’t want my help. I can’t be with her and not help her. I’m not wired that way.”

Lis brings in a plate of steaming chocolate chip cookies.

“Did you bake me cookies?” I ask her as she hands me the whole plate.

“Yeah.”

“You hate baking,” I say.

“Why does everyone think they need to remind me of that? I bake for people I love when they’re sad. I love you. You’re sad. Now eat your fucking cookies before I take them back.”

Spencer laughs and I bite my lip against a smile. “Yes, ma’am.” I take one, then set the plate on the table for anyone else to have some, which, of course, they all do. No one ever says no to Lis’ cooking or baking.

“Does she know how you feel about her?” Adalie asks.

I nod. “I told her last night.”

I reach into my pocket and pull out the little black box I haven’t given her, looking at it like I can’t quite remember why I still have it.

“Though I guess I didn’t tell her everything.”

None of my friends say a word for a long moment. Then, Lis says, “You didn’t buy that when we went shopping. You bought a necklace and earrings.”

“I bought it around nine years ago.”

They all exchange a look with varying degrees of shock. They don’t ask the question, but after a while, I answer it anyway.

“When her parents died, I knew I wanted to help her. I wanted to be there for her. We were only nineteen. I was going to propose. Maybe have a long engagement. Just something so she knew I wasn’t going anywhere. I was planning some grand gesture or something stupid. Then we got into a fight about Lacey. Kids at school had been teasing her, and I wanted to take her out for ice cream to make her feel better. Ava told me to stay out of it. That Lacey was her responsibility and not mine. She told me to leave, and that she didn’t need me. I never gave her the ring.”

I turn the box in my hands, spinning it around and around as I speak, though I don’t open it.

“So you’ve held onto it? For like nine years?” Lis asks.

“Yep. It’ll be nine years in February.”

“Why didn’t you get rid of it?” Adalie asks.

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