Page 29 of Whispered Southern Secrets

“I can’t tell if he’s faking or not,” I tell Honey in a hushed tone.

“Of course the little shit is faking.”

“Are you sure? Sing him one more. What’s it going to hurt?”

Honey gives me a deadpan stare. “You’re a giant teddy bear.”

“And you’re…you’re a honey badger.”

James must be getting restless with our banter because he moans louder. “The pain. The agony.”

“Fine. Well played. Milk this while you can,” Honey tells James and he immediately drops the act and smiles. “This is one of Mimi’s favorite hymns. It’s called ‘I’ll Meet You in the Morning,’ feel free to join in.”

Honey begins singing and my heart leaps for joy when James begins harmonizing with her. I start singing as well and we form a round with me coming in at different beats. We end up singing a few more songs until the doctor comes in to check on James. Everything is looking promising, no long-term damage. Unfortunately, however, visitor time is up. I tell the doctor thank you and wish him a blessed day. After James, Honey, and I say a prayer together, I promise James I’ll be back tomorrow.

Chapter Fourteen

Honey

I bang my head against the counter in Mimi’s Gasoline Grove. “Stop doing that,” Oliva tells me for the hundredth time.

“I can’t, Livy! I need to knock some sense into me. I can’t stop fantasizing about him. Sexual fantasies. I’m going to hell.”

Olivia scoffs. “Pfft. Might want to make a reservation because it’s going to packed if everyone who’s had a sexual fantasy about theirboyfriendis going to hell. Do you hear yourself? Besides it didn’t bother you before.”

She’s seriously not getting it. “That’s because he was hot Air Force guy.Nowhe’s a man of God. You don’t push the devil’s doorbell while listening to your pastor.” Olivia bursts out laughing. “It’s not funny, Livy,” I speak through gritted teeth.

“You didn’t? In church?”

I place my hands in my palms. “No,” I groan. “I may or may not have uploaded the Sunday service on YouTube. And… I mean—you’ve heard his voice, right? Well while listening to him sing, I might’ve touched my happy button.”

“You twiddled yourself to him… ” She can’t even finish the sentence. Her hands cover her mouth as her eyes become teary. Yeah, me too. Only I’m crying for a different reason.

“I’ve got problems,” I confess.

“Yeah. Yeah, ya really do.”

“Do you think I’m not ashamed of this? I feel so dirty.”

“You are a dirty girl.”

“No. I have deep shame. Why does he have to be sexy? And his voice. Who makes a hymn sound so… ” A moan escapes me.

“Do I need to give you a moment.”

“Don’t tell anyone,” I quickly tell her.

She shakes her head. “No worries there. I couldn’t even repeat that if I tried. And I’m terrified now that I won’t be able to sit during a sermon with him without thinking about what you’ll be doing later.”

The following Sunday, J.D. is preaching, and the sermon is beautiful and relatable. I’m minding my own business in awe of how he always seems to find a way to make the scripture make sense, when my phone vibrates. I turn it over to see it’s a text from Olivia.

Livy : This should make for great material tonight.;)

That’s it. We’re both going to hell. J.D. is going to have to do something. Preferably me.

James has been dischargedfrom the hospital and settled with his aunt a couple hours away. J.D. has missed him but still keeps checking in on him so that helps. I’ve been trying to give him some time. We’re still dating, and we’ve been taking it slow. So slow. So painfully slow. The man has barely touched or kissed me. He’s been the perfect southern gentleman. I appreciate and respect all of his efforts, and I’d probably not be so wound up if I didn’t know what he was capable of. I feel like a starving man who’s only being given kale to eat. It’s torture. And notsatisfying. Not meeting all my needs. However things might be looking up. J.D. has purchased his own place. He asked my opinion on the house which touched my heart. I offered to cook for him once he was completely moved in. And tonight it’s happening.

J.D. assured me that it’d be fine to let Cash come over as well. I don’t feel right leaving him for my grandparents to look after. It could be a long night. Maybe all night. Who knows! Cash scampers around under my feet. If you offer him food or a treat he’s really great about allowing space. We’ll ignore the tiny tidbit that it’s only because he’s busy eating.

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