Page 30 of Whispered Southern Secrets

When I hear Cash bark at the window, my heart leaps into my throat. Then I hear J.D. walk in. I’m suddenly nervous but mixed with excitement. We are completely alone. Cash doesn’t count. Nobody could walk in and interrupt us. It’s silly because we’re both grown adults and we’ve already had sex—but that was three years ago. We’re in an official relationship now.

J.D.’s voice is playful and full of silliness as he fawns all over Cash. But when he walks through the doorway of the kitchen, he becomes serious. “It smells incredible in here. And you darlin’, are a vision that would bring any man to his knees.”

He steps up to me, going for his typical chaste kiss on the cheek, but I turn at the last second. The feel of his warm lips against mine sends a rush through me. I’ve never told J.D. but he has the most perfect thick lips. They taste of mint.

J.D. pulls away taken aback. “You kissed me,” he whispers.

“Yes. I’d like to do it again.” I want to say now shut up and bring those lips back to mine. But I don’t. I stand there, not so patiently, waiting for him to be the one to kiss me.

My prayers are answered. Right before our lips meet, I exhale through my nose in relief and release a sigh of sweet satisfaction. I balance on my tiptoes and turn my head for a better angle. Our bodies press together and my breath hitches. My hand threadsthrough his hair as my tongue is finally granted access between his lips. He feels so good. The kiss is slow and deep, but over much too soon for my liking.

“Don’t stop,” I shamelessly beg.

“Yes. We’re not going any further than kissing.”

Come again. “Brother John David, if I may, you’re a preacher. Not a monk. Not a priest. Did you take a vow of celibacy that I’m unaware of?”

“No vows of celibacy. But I do intend that the next time I give myself completely to another person, it’ll be after we’ve made a commitment to one another before God.”

“I can make that commitment now. Isn’t God’s church everywhere? We don’t need all the bells and whistles. There’s only one whistle I’m trying to blow.”

“Honey. Get a hold of yourself.”

“I can’t! I have so much pent up frustration. I need you John David.”

“And I need you. I want you, Honey. I want to claim you every way a man can claim a woman. I want to lay with you in the biblical and worldly sense of the word.”

“Are you blackmailing me with sex to marry you?”

“No! I’m not blackmailing you. It’s actually something people practice. No sex before marriage.”

“You’re withholding something I want unless I do something you want. Sounds like blackmail.”

“Honey, you deserve to be treated with respect.”

Picking my words carefully, I say, “Respectfully, I’d like for you to be intimate with me.”

“I’d like for you to be intimate with me. I’ve been waiting for you to open up.”

“As in my legs?”

“No. As in we get to know one another better,” he says, quickly following it with, “Fully clothed. We talk and listen with no judgment. I know you’ve been hurt, Honey.”

“That’s all you need to know.”

“Is it? You’ll share your body with me, but not your heart.”

“You have my heart. I love you.” Said heart beats faster.

“I love you! But I want you to let me love you, fully. Let me in. Let me be your person who stands by you.”

“You don’t have to know my history for that. This is me. Right here.”

“Yes. You’re here. Holding back.” His pleading makes my already fractured heart crack the tiniest bit more.

“What are you afraid of? Why do you have to know everything? Worried that I have some seeded past? Am I not affectionate enough? Sorry I’m not planning our wedding already. Am I lacking in faith, romance, and our relationship?” I don’t even know what I’m rambling about. Everything hurts. I want to run away from all this. I refuse to sit here and be rejected if I don’t allow him to do a background check on me.

“It’s not that you lack faith in God, love, or even me. It’s your lack of faith in yourself.”

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