Page 35 of The Wrong Drive

March 15, 2013

I’m running out of options. Turner seems to just go dead, and he starts playing war. He flies off the handle and goes for whatever is closest. Then he cries. For days. God something is so wrong, but I don’t know what to do. Why aren’t these doctor’s helping him? I’ve made a call to someone out of state, hoping someone will help me help him.

June 29, 2013

He’s getting better, I think. No outbursts since he started therapy sessions with this new doctor. He tells me he still struggles. He says he can’t help it. Everything goes dark in his head. I don’t understand that, but I hope in time, he can work out of it. I got him a PTSD dog today. Turner named him Gunner.

July 5, 2013

He made it through the fireworks. I’m so proud of him. We’re really getting somewhere.

October 12, 2013

Two years without Taylor. Turner had a bad day today, but he’s okay. He has Gunner.

October 30, 2013

Things feel like they’re on the right track. He’s doing great. I think we’re going to a Halloween party tomorrow. It’ll be good for him.

November 1, 2013

Bad idea. He got into a fight and nearly beat some guy to death. I got him out of there. He left with his rifle this morning, and I don’t know where he went. I know I should go look for him, but he had that dead look in his eyes. I hate to admit that it scares me.

November 23, 2013

Things are okay again. He seems antsy. I sent word to Bradford. I want him to have a good life.

December 24, 2013

His emotions are all over the place. Gunner keeps alerting to an episode. But I don’t understand. He seems lucid. I can’t tell. I’m starting to lose hope. I think my brother is permanently broken. I don’t know what to do, but I think it’s too much for me to handle anymore. He’s going to hurt someone or a whole lot of people. I love him so much, but until he’ll go somewhere to get help, I have to give up. He won’t leave this cabin. It’s like he wants to force himself to be tortured over and over. I need a break.

I shut the book as I finish the last entry and put it back in a daze. Where is Thomas now? Did he take a break and never come back? I stand to my feet, feeling an overwhelming mixture of emotions. All of that took place over ten years ago. A decade. Isn’t that how long it had been since Turner listened to music?

The story starts to mesh together in my mind as I slip out of the room undetected, padding down the stairs and slipping into my hiking boots. His younger brother died in action, his parents died in a car accident a month later, a year after that, Turner was discharged, and then…Where’s Thomas now? Did he abandon Turner?

I sigh, raking my fingers through my hair. If Thomas managed to get out of here, I can, too. I take a deep breath and get dressed to head outside. The entries have made me more curious than ever, and I just…

I need to make nice, so I can escape.

Chapter 15

Turner

I stabthe shovel in the snow, huffing as I take in what progress I’ve made. Once I clear the way, I can get the tractor out and start really making some progress. My eyes cast across the backyard, and then to the hill a little bit further out. I can’t see the cross, but I know it’s there. The anniversary of eleven years is in just three days.

And so is Christmas.

“Hey,” a voice startles me, I whip my head to see Emersyn, standing about ten feet from me in the path I’ve cleared. “Do you need some help?” I stare at her, trying to process the fact she’s talking to me on her own free will. “Do you need some water or something?”

I shake my head slowly. “No, I’m good.”

She drops my gaze, her eyes falling to her boots and then rising to meet mine again. “I’m sorry for being such a jerk to you last night.”

“What?” I raise my brows, shocked.

She takes a step forward, her face full of emotion—that I don’t quite understand. “I’m sorry, Turner. I didn’t…I think I now understand that…” Her voice trails off, and I get what she’s trying to say.

“That there’s something wrong with me,” I finish for her. “You must’ve taken another trip upstairs.” Irritation and anger flood my system, but the embarrassment is far greater. “It’s fine.” She takes another step toward me, and I take one back away from her, halfway expecting her to pull a fucking gun on me or something. She’s loaded with the ability to destroy me.

---