“Levi,” I say, my tone flat. “What are you doing here?”
He shrugs, removing his glasses to reveal his bloodshot eyes. “Same as you, probably. Killing time. I skipped my business class this afternoon.”
I grunt my response, not sure what to say next. I doubt he’s killing time the same way as me. Judging by his glazed-over expression, he’s high. Judging by my standoffish nature, I’m sober and pissed off.
“You okay, man? You look—”
With my teeth clenched, I cut him off with a hiss. “I’m fine. I look fine. I am fine.”
Levi chuckles sarcastically. “Sure, whatever you say. Those pills I gave you really have taken a hold of your anger, huh?”
I ball my fists in my pockets, nostrils flaring at his nonchalant comment. But Levi just keeps laughing, a sound that grates onmy nerves even more. “I’m not—” I begin to say, but stop myself and roll back my shoulders, inhaling slowly. “I’m fine.”
“You said that already,” he says, pulling me by my shoulder to the side of the street, glancing around before lowering his voice. “Listen, have you been feeling this anger a lot since you took the pills?”
I swallow hard, hating that I’m talking to my dealer about side effects. “Maybe,” I say softly.
“I can get you something to even you out.”
My eyes snap to his, filled with trepidation. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, something more. Uppers. You’ve smoked grass before, but I mean something else. Something that can make you feel like you’ll forget it all. All the bullshit, all the anger. Everything.”
Something else.This isn’t the first time he’s offered. This is his usual MO when he tries to hook you, then sink you. I can’t lie to myself and say it isn’t tempting, because it is. Just to be freed from all the expectations, all the remarks my dad makes, even temporarily, would be fucking amazing.
Levi’s casually leaning against the wall, his eyes glinting with a mixture of patience and anticipation. He’s seen me hesitate before, and he’s waiting for me to make the move that will deepen my dependence. His presence is a reminder of everything I’m doing to keep demons at bay, yet every fiber of my being screams that this isn’t the answer.
But the promise of relief is almost irresistible. The pressure to just give in and let everything else fall away is overwhelming. I could say yes, slip into the familiar embrace of oblivion, and numb everything that’s been dragging me down. It would be so easy.
My phone buzzes in my hand, the vibration pulling me back to reality. It’s a text from Quinn. I unlock the screen, my heart sinking as I read her message.
Queenie
Miles, please. I just want to talk. Call me when you get this.
I glance at Levi again, his attention now on his phone too. As I re-read the message from Quinn, a war breaks out inside of me. That Quinn angel is on my right shoulder and the Levi devil on my left. I’m facing a decision that can help me or break me.
Then reality hits me dead center of my breastbone.
There is one person who I can’t disappoint. No matter what.
“So what’s it gonna be, Miles?”
Chapter twenty-five
Quinn
Miles isn’t answering hisphone. In fact, he’s turned it off. The only indication that he knows I’ve been trying to get a hold of him was the read receipt I got when he opened my message. That was two hours ago. But that doesn’t stop me from continually checking as though he’ll magically message me back, like if I stare at it long enough, I can manifest it.
The ice pack he got me has lost its freeze, but my mood is still just as frozen. I can’t shake the feeling that he’s getting himself into something that will spiral out of control. And it terrifies me. I spent a good half an hour wallowing and now I need to talk to him.
I take a deep breath and try to think clearly. What else can I do from here? I can’t just sit around and wait for him to come back on his own, because what if he doesn’t?
Grabbing my phone, I text one of the girls, Katie, on the squad, who had a thing with Levi last year.
Katie
Yeah, I’ve still got his number, hang on.