Page 53 of Fragile

He lifts my leg and rests it on his pillow before standing up, pacing the small room. “I’m not risking anything. I’ve got it under control.”

“Under control?” I echo, confusion dripping from my words. “This isn’t controlled, Miles. This is doping and it’s wrong. Not to mention dangerous.”

He stops and turns to face me, his expression hardened. “You think I don’t know that? You think I don’t know how bad I can fuck this all up? But what choice do I have? I’m drowning,Quinn. Drowning in pressure, in expectations.” His hand rushes through his hair before he looks away. “I can’t afford to fail.”

Tears sting my eyes. “And what about the risk of getting caught? What about your health? Your life? What aboutyou,Miles?”

“I’m careful,” he says, but his voice lacks conviction. “I’m not an addict, Quinn. I just need a little help, that’s all.”

Feeling a mixture of anger and sorrow, I shake my head. “This isn’t help. This is a crutch. And it’s going to break you, Miles. It’s going to break you, and you’ll fall harder than ever. I could—” I stop myself before I tell him how scared I am to lose him before I’ve had him properly. I can’t be that girl.

He sinks onto the edge of my bed once more, his face buried in his hands. For a moment, neither of us speaks. Frustration bubbles within me, at everything he’s admitted. But then I look at him, his fingers twitching and his whole demeanor unsettled and fear for him seeps into my bones. He could so easily self-destruct, and he doesn’t see it. Or maybe he does, and he really is spiraling. Nothing I feel right now compares to the storm I think he’s harboring inside. The thought of him desperately trying to cling onto anything to stay afloat makes my heart near shatter into a million pieces.

“I can’t watch you do this to yourself,” I say as my voice cracks. I can’t handle losing him to something that I can stop.

He looks up, his eyes red. “What am I supposed to do, Quinn? I don’t know what to do.”

“You can stop.” I reach out to take his hand. Determination fires in my blood because I can help him. I know I can.

“It’s not that easy.” He pulls his hand away, and I hate the way it feels like rejection. Watching Miles in his anger is like standing too close to a wildfire. His normally calm brown eyes blaze with a ferocity I’ve yet to encounter. I can see the tension in his jaw, clenched so tightly that the muscles in his neck standout in sharp relief. His hands are balled into fists, trembling with the effort it takes to contain his fury. Each breath he takes is abrupt and deliberate, as if he's holding back a flood of words that threaten to break free. I want him to talk to me. I want him to lean on me.

“Let me help you,” I whisper, not wanting to push his anger further.

He groans, pained. “Queenie, I—”

“I can’t watch you destroy yourself like this,” I repeat, imploring him to hear me. I feel as desperate as I must sound.

“I don’t need help. I need to be trusted that I can manage my own shit,” he snaps, then spins around like a tornado, ripping my door open as he stalks out.

The echo of the door slamming shut reverberates through the room, leaving a nauseating silence in its wake.

Panic grips my chest as I wonder how to fix this—if it can even be fixed. I can feel the sting of tears threatening to spill over, and for a moment, I fight against them, but it’s useless because they fall anyway.

What just happened?

Chapter twenty-four

Miles

I storm away fromQuinn, the sound of my sneakers crunching on the gravel louder than the pounding of my heart. Rage bubbles up inside me, each step I take amplifying it.

The worst possible scenario played out in front of me like a damn horror movie. Someone found my pills and, worse, it made me feel exactly how I knew it would. Like a piece of shit. I could push away that feeling before, but now, I don’t know if I’ll ever forget the look on Quinn’s face.

Closing my eyes, I still see the pity in hers, the way her voice was laced with that infuriating mix of sympathy and disappointment.

I couldn’t handle it. I had to get out.

I’m still only wearing my gym shorts and sweaty workout t-shirt, but I don’t care. I need to walk.

The anger pushes me forward, and soon the campus streets are behind me. I'm walking with no destination, just the need to get away. To clear my head. But the thoughts keep coming. Quinn’s voice, her worried eyes, her hand reaching out to touchmine. My dad’s consistent scolding, telling me I can do better. Everything spins around and around, making my teeth grind. The way she looked at me, like I’m broken. I don't need pity. I need... I don't even know what I need.

My feet find the familiar path into town, the light slowly disappearing behind the buildings, but I hardly notice. Everything is a blur. I need to distract myself, to drown out the noise in my head. I stop in front of a shop window, staring at my reflection. I see a stranger. Red-rimmed eyes, tense jaw, a guy on the edge. Shoving my hands in my pockets, I turn away, continuing down the street.

A few blocks later, I bump into someone, hard.

“Watch it,” I snap before I even look up.

“Miles?” The voice is low, familiar. I look up to see Levi grinning at me, his eyes hidden behind dark shades. He's the last person I want to see right now, but something in his easy smile makes me pause.

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