Page 50 of Christmas With My Ex

The Muse Knoxville

516 N Beaman St, Knoxville, TN

1:39pm

The bright laughterof children fills the air as we step into The Muse Knoxville. It’s packed today, parents chasing toddlers, kids darting between exhibits. The entire space bursting with energy.

The museum is a whirlwind of colors and sounds: hands-on science stations, interactive displays, and kids letting theirimaginations run wild. It’s the perfect place for Nicholas to bring Nicky and Sammy together as their Christmas with each other, and for me to finally meet them both. With how much he gushes over them, I feel like I know them.

My heart races a little as I glance down at Nicky, walking ahead of us, his hand in Nicholas’. He’s so much bigger now. I haven’t seen him since he was just a baby, and now he’s six, full of life and curiosity.

He’s a spitting image of Nicholas, with that same mop of light brown hair and those intense, inquisitive brown eyes.

And then there’s Sammy. Sammy Blanchard, Nicholas’ nephew. He’s four and full of boundless energy, running ahead of Nicky, tugging on his arm to race to the next exhibit.

Seeing him... it’s a strange feeling. I don’t know what I expected, but he’s just a kid—a sweet, giggling kid. But there’s something about him that makes my stomach twist.

Maybe it’s because he’s Helena’s son, and I know how much losing his sister affected Nicholas. Maybe it’s the way Nicholas looks at him, with so much love and protectiveness, like he’s more than just a nephew.

“You overwhelmed, yet?” Nicholas asks, his voice soft, checking in on me like he has been ever since we got back to Knoxville.

I manage a small smile, nodding. “No, just enjoying getting to know everyone.”

He gives my hand a gentle squeeze, his eyes searching mine for a moment before he lets go and turns his attention back to the boys. “Hey, slow down, guys. Don’t run into anyone.”

We walk further into the museum, following the boys as they weave between other kids, laughing and shouting. I’m a few steps behind, watching them with a sense of wonder. Nicky and Sammy are so full of life, so carefree. For Nicholas, I know this is everything—these two boys are his world.

Nicky and Sammy finally stop near one of the science stations—a table with a build-your-own wind tunnel. They climb onto stools next to each other, their heads bent close as they giggle and try to launch paper airplanes through the tunnel. Nicholas and I stand off to the side, watching them, and for a moment, it feels... easy. Natural.

I can’t help but smile as I watch them together. Sammy looks up, his face lighting up when the plane catches a gust of wind and sails through the tunnel. He turns to Nicky, both of them high-fiving like they’ve just conquered the world.

“They’re like brothers,” Nicholas says quietly, watching them with a softness in his eyes.

I nod, swallowing hard. “They really are. It's so special they have each other, that you all have each other.”

“Nicky, Sammy,” Nicholas calls over to them. “Come here for a second. Get together, let me take your picture.”

"Only if Rives Like Leaves will get in, too."

"Sure, I would love to!" I stand behind them, putting my face right in between them. When we are done, I squeeze them both, imagining my son would be about the same size and age.

I don't usually think about him. Once I put him up for adoption, I felt peace. Peace because he was going to be with his family, ina good home, a better home than I could have given him at the time.

But the sudden infusion of Nicholas in my life has me thinking about him, the son we made together, a lot more. All of Nick’s questions and suppositions make me wonder, too. What color is his hair? Does he have blonde hair or brown hair? Is he boisterous or quiet?

The boys scurry off again, laughing as they hold hands and head back to their wind tunnel.

I stand up, exhaling a breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. Nicholas steps closer to me, his hand brushing mine in that quiet, reassuring way he’s been doing ever since we got back.

Knoxville already feels different now that we are here together. We've barely been home for twenty-four hours, but I can tell we will both slide into each other's lives effortlessly.

I already feel more at ease. I think we will be able to do this. I am finally allowing myself to relax.

Nicholas’House

5:15 pm

We’re back at Nicholas’house, the warmth of the place wrapping around me like a blanket.

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