Page 58 of The Lake of Lost Girls

“Good. I only want what’s best for you—for all my students,” Dr. Daniels murmured. And there it was. A flash of desire in his eyes. But then it was gone, almost as if it hadn’t been there at all.

My stomach rolled and I felt my skin warm up.

“Thanks, Dr. Daniels.” My voice was weak. Barely audible.

Dr. Daniels straightened up, taking a step back, his affect completely professional. It was a blink-and-you’d-miss-it transformation. “Please, call me Clement. I like to be on a first-name basis with my students. We’re all on the same journey, after all.”

A young woman was waiting in the hallway, leaning against the wall. When she saw me coming out of Dr. Daniels’s—Clement’s— office she appeared upset, though she tried to hide it. She looked from Dr. Daniels then to me, then back to Dr. Daniels.

“Meghan, right on time,” Dr. Daniels said to her.

She walked toward us and for a second, our eyes met. I knew her. Or at least, I had seen her before. I could tell by the way she looked away from me that she recognized me as well.

She was the same girl my dad had been flirting with on move-in day.

I immediately felt lightheaded.

I moved aside so she could walk into Dr. Daniels’s office. I turned to look at them, expecting to say goodbye to my new professor, but his attention was solely on Meghan now, making her feel like the center of his world, if only for a short time. Girls like Meghan—and me—chased a feeling only men like Dr. Daniels could provide.

For a brief second, he turned back, lifting his hand in a wave. “Bye, Jessica. See you soon.”

And there it was. The note of intention Iwasn’timagining.

I felt a strange sort of tugging in my stomach as I hurried out of Roosevelt Hall, making my way across the quad toward the administration building. I wanted to quickly hand in the signed audit slip and get back to the dorm. I had a free periodand knew Daisy would be in class, so for once I would have the room to myself.

I was practically sprinting, as if I could outrun the mess my life had become.

The wind picked up and with it a creeping sensation I had become all too familiar with tip toed its way up my back.

I abruptly stopped, rooted to the spot.

Across the quad, in a small grove of trees, bright-red hair flickered in and out of sight.

My mouth went dry and my eyes burned.

“Jess! Hey, Jess!”

Distracted, the image disappeared as Ryan McKay jogged toward me. He had gotten a haircut over Christmas break and the bleached-blonde streaks were starting to grow out. He was more clean-cut than he had been the last time I saw him.

I pressed a hand to my thumping heart, willing myself to calm down. What was wrong with me? I needed to get myself together.

“I’m glad I found you,” Ryan said once he reached me. He had called the room almost as soon as we got back to campus, though I had Daisy take a message. I wanted to see him, but I was still obsessing over the thought of him with Tammy and Phoebe. And I knew that when I spoke to him, my will would crumble.

“You’re a hard woman to track down. If I wasn’t so sure of myself, I’d think you were avoiding me.” He was joking, but there was a note of something else in his tone. Angry frustration. I got the sense Ryan wasn’t used to not getting his way.

“Confidence is great, Ryan, butoverconfidenceis a huge turn off.” My smile was brittle as I went to walk around him.

He grabbed my upper arm, his fingers wrapping around my bicep. “What’s going on? I thought we were going to hang out when we got back to school.” He scowled at me, though tried to play it off like he was being funny.

I instantly froze. “Yeah, I’ve had stuff going on. I’m sorry. I would have called you back.” I looked down at his tight gripon my arm and then back to his face. I felt myself instinctively become placid. Submissive. I backed down so easily when a force more powerful than myself pushed hard enough.

Ryan released me and took my hand instead. “I didn’t think I’d have to track you down. I thought youwantedto hang out.”

I let him hold my hand. It was easy to give in to him. To let him smile and make my insides flutter and pretend that this could go somewhere. And maybe it could. Didn’t I deserve that?

But then Daisy’s words about Ryan came back to me. The things she had told me about him. I thought of Dr. Daniels. I thought of my father. I thought of all these men that thought they could do whatever they wanted. I slowly, carefully extracted my hand from his grip even as the nerve endings ached for the contact.

“I found out about your pledge nickname.” I tried to sound angry, but the words came out sad. As much as I hated it, I wasn’t tough and in charge when it came to the men I wanted in my life.

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