Page 67 of The Art of Us

Mara could have been talking about not forgiving Rowan. Or she could have been talking about not forgiving Ireland.

Ireland knew she didn’t deserve unearned absolution from Mara. But she truly believed Mara deserved to feel peace.

I do too. Don’t I?Ireland felt like shediddeserve the peace that came from her letting go of what her parents had done to her. She wanted to move on and couldn’t do that if she was feeling trapped in the emotional chaos that those people had inflicted on her. She wasn’t going to live like that anymore. Her life was hers, not theirs, and she was not about to give them another second of it unwillingly. How she lived would be her choice from now on.

The thought of Kal shoved itself to the front of her thoughts. Shouldn’t she work on forgiving him? Especially since she was guilty of betraying trust as much as he was? But for whatever reason, his betrayal felt worse. His betrayal reminded her of her dad’s. Kal’s manipulation of her life cut too deep. She wasn’t ready to forgive him just yet.

Mara looked perplexed, even hostile. She stabbed her salmon with her fork and continued to eat in silence.

Later that night, Ireland struggled to sleep. A tap came from the bathroom door. “Come in.” Ireland sat up.

Mara’s black hair was tied back in a ponytail. Her face was freshly washed. She hadn’t worn makeup of any kind for days, but Ireland was still getting used to her being natural. Mara’s beautiful features looked better without all the products. She wore black dance pants and an oversized orange hoodie with their school mascot on it. She sat on the chair at the desk near Ireland’s bed and pulled up her legs, tucking her feet underneath her. “I’m sorry about your dad. Your mom too, I guess.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault.”

“I was talking to my mom a little bit ago, and she was filling in some of the information about your dad and your mom and your life before you moved in. Sorry I didn’t know any of that before.”

“It’s not like knowing changes anything.”

“Maybe. But I wasn’t nice to you. My friends weren’t nice to you. We should have been.”

Ireland smoothed her hands over the white sheets, feeling the soft fibers of the high thread count under her fingertips. “Whether you know somebody’s backstory or not, shouldn’t you always be nice to them?”

Mara laughed. “Touché. You’re right. You’re right. I really let myself get caught up in the social scene. It sliced away pieces of me every time I turned around. Tinsley. Rowan. Half the student body. I had people with me almost all the time. But I felt so alone. And then there was you—actually alone. My mom and I were talking about it, and she let me know I could have been more sensitive to that. She’s not wrong. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Mara. It’s not like I put out a get-to-know-me vibe. When you’ve moved around as much as I have from one con to the next, getting to know people just seems like a lot of work with not a lot of payout. That attitude feels like my dad talking. Everything for him was about the payout.”

“You still going to go see him tomorrow?”

“Yeah. I think I need to.”

They both went silent after that. After a moment, Mara spun in the chair, dropping her head back and closing her eyes as it went around. She stopped the spin and stood. “Okay then. I’ll go with you. I’ll see you in the morning.” She stood and strode to the door.

“Mara ... why are you talking to me?”

She stretched her arms up over her head and laced her hands behind her neck. “Because you’re right. Not forgiving you doesn’t hurt you. Well, it might. I don’t know. But I do know for sure that it hurts me. I could use a little peace right now. Besides, I actually forgave you a couple of days ago. I just wanted to punish you a little bit more, I think, because ... well, I don’t know why. What happened to me wasn’t your fault. And I know you didn’t mean to share it with the whole school. Tinsley did that. I’m working on the idea of forgiving her, but that one might take a little longer.”

“I really didn’t mean to tell anyone. I am sorry, Mara.”

She dropped her hands to the side and picked at the hem of her sweatshirt. “I know. I have a tendency to not say what’s bothering me. But I got some good advice the other day, and I think I need to start paying attention to it.”

“What advice?”

“A friend told me to howl out loud.” Mara left, closing the door behind her.

Ireland was now sitting up straight in bed. Did Mara know that Ireland wrote that message to her? Was this her way of saying, “Hey, I know that was you?”

Or was it just that the message mattered, and Mara had taken it to heart enough to pass it on?

Either way, Ireland felt like everything was going to be okay.Whatever happened with her dad, the next day was going to be fine because she had a friend she could depend on.

Chapter Twenty-two

Kal

Kal had hoped Ireland would change her mind and contact him.

She didn’t.

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