Page 66 of The Art of Us

“’Course not. Understood. Just think about it.”

“Sure. I’ll think about it. I gotta go.” She hung up. Only then did she allow herself to sink to the floor and hold her head in her hands. “I am the worst,” she said to the kitchen. How did he do that? How did he make her feel guilty for not agreeing to visit immediately? “I am the absolute worst.”

“Absolute worst what?” Jade asked as she came into the kitchen.

Mara was with her and raised her eyebrows as she said, “Gettin’ no arguments from me on that.”

“Mara ...” Jade admonished her sister before turning back to Ireland. “Why are you on the floor? Are you okay? Are you sick?”

“Who’s sick?” This question came from Grace, who had only been a few steps behind her daughters.

“Ireland is,” Jade said at the same time that Ireland said, “No one.”

She scrambled to her feet to prove that she was fine.

“What happened?” Grace put her hand on Ireland’s arm.

The gentle touch shouldn’t have been a big deal. It certainly shouldn’t have shattered her emotionally, but Ireland burst into tears she couldn’t control. She instantly felt like an idiot since Mara was there observing the whole thing.

Grace pulled her into a hug like she had done with Mara just a few days before. She made soft shushing sounds, and when Ireland calmed enough, she asked, “What’s going on?”

“It’s nothing. It’s stupid. My dad called.”

“From jail? Or is he out?”

Ireland shook her head. “He’s still there. For the next year, I guess.”

“What did he say to upset you?” Grace looked thunderous, as if whatever Ireland told her was bad enough that she’d go to the jail personally to make him pay.

It shouldn’t have, but that made Ireland start crying all over again. “He didn’t say anything,” she said. “Not really. He asked me to go visit him.”

Grace stayed silent for a long moment. Jade had crept forward and tucked her hand inside Ireland’s. Mara watched her family comforting Ireland from the other side of the island.

Ireland wished she could turn off the waterworks. How stupid to cry over a guy who was a thief and a liar.

“Do you want to go see him?” Grace asked when it seemed Ireland had control over herself again.

“I don’t know. Is it wrong that I do? Even after everything? I mean the guy left me on my own with no way to take care of myself. Am I completely cracked in the head to want to see him?”

“No, baby. It’s not wrong. He’s your father. If you want to see him, Jarrod and I can take you. If you decide at any point you’ve changed your mind, we can turn around and come home, okay?”

Ireland nodded, her body shuddering with the after-effects of crying. By the time dinner came around that night, it wasdecided that they would go the next day to visit Ireland’s dad. It’s not like she’d be missing school since they had already planned to stay home. The teachers had all been generous with emailing the homework so Mara and Ireland didn’t get behind.

As plates were passed around the table, there was an open discussion about going to visit Ireland’s dad. The adults didn’t shy away from hard topics in an effort to hide anything from Jade. They might have softened the delivery, but Jarrod often said that open and honest communication was key to raising healthy, responsible, capable children. Dinner with the Washington family was like looking in on a living Norman Rockwell painting sometimes. They were the blueprint of what family should be.

It was decided that Jarrod would drive Ireland to the correctional facility so Grace could handle the scheduled interviews for a new employee at the café. Mara stayed quiet for most of the conversation until she finally said, “I don’t know why you’re going. It’s a toxic relationship. You should cut him out of your life.”

“I mean ... I don’t disagree,” Ireland said, feeling like she might choke on the almond-crusted salmon Jarrod had made. Mara, talking to her without any prodding from her parents? Miraculous. “And I’ve been thinking that same thing, especially since he called.”

“But you going is a brave thing,” Grace interjected. “It’s okay to cut the toxic people out of our lives. But not if we’re going to do it in anger or bitterness. Because that means we didn’t really cut them out. They’re still in our lives, manifesting themselves in our anger and bitterness. You are making a healthy choice, if it’s something you think you’re ready for.”

“Yeah,” Ireland said, feeling herself shrink under the unexpected praise. “I don’t want to be angry all the time. But I think I should cut him out in a way that wishes him well in hislife and that allows me to move forward with mine. You know? Then I can say I’ve done what I needed to do. No guilt. At least, that’s how I think it should go. I’m not a therapist or anything, so really, what do I know?” Ireland took a deep breath and met Mara’s gaze.

Mara stared at her as if Ireland had grown an entire solar system out of her nose. “Some people don’t deserve our forgiveness,” she said.

“That’s true.” Ireland felt thesadwash over her again and again.

“It is true,” Jarrod agreed. “Some people don’t. But if Ireland is up for it, she deserves the peace that comes from moving forward.”

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