Page 31 of Fracture

“Just get us home.” His voice is full of desire, his meaning more than obvious. He squeezes my thigh again, his fingers straying just a little higher, under the hem of my shorts, and butterflies erupt in my bloodstream.

I want to tell him we shouldn’t, but in that moment I can’t find the words. Because I want him. I want to feel him and kiss him, I want to taste him and give him my body, finally, after all these years of waiting and wanting. I drive faster than I should to get us down my street, and the tires screech as I turn into the drive.

The peonies are forgotten as Dylan dives across at me, grabbing my face in his hands, his lips descending on my neck.

“Fuck, I need you,” he murmurs against my ear. “Say yes. Please, say yes.”

His body is still heated from his run and probably from being aroused as fuck now. I’m still strapped into my seatbelt and can barely move, though I’m trying to pull him down to me and turn towards him. He’s pleading with me with everything he’s got, and I want to give him everything. He just spent 10 years in prison, he deserves to be looked after, right?

“Dylan, just let me-” I reach down and try to free myself from the seatbelt as his hand moves over my breast. “Oh fuck. Dylan, wait, just let me-”

He unclips me and pulls me across and on top of him. His hands rake up my back and into my hair, tensing and flexing as he pulls me against him.

“Jesus fuck, Stella.”

“Dylan, wait.” I push against his chest, and he slumps with an exasperated sigh, his forehead leaning against my chest.

“Do you not want this? Do you not want me?”

“I-I mean…” I don’t know how to answer him. How do I tell him what I told Dr. Varden today? How do I admit to him what I want without hurting him, without losing him, without watching him walk away because of how sick I am? To him, I’m sweet Stella, the girl of his dreams. When really, I’m disgusting and depraved and broken.

He tips his head back and looks up at me, his beautiful dark eyes filled with pain. “I never expected you to wait for me.” He lifts a hand to my cheek, cupping my face in his tattooed fingers. “Really. I never did. I hoped you’d still want me, and I understand if you don’t.”

“It’s not that.” I shake my head, clasping on to his hand and leaning into his touch. “I still love you,papi.”

He sucks in a breath at my words, at the nickname I gave him all those years ago. I lift my eyes to his, feeling a tear fall down my cheek.

“I do. I still love you. But I need to take this slow. I’m sorry. But… I’m notheranymore. I’m broken, and I - I don’t want to break you too.”

He strokes my hair with his other hand as I continue to hold on to him for dear life. “I’ll wait as long as I need to,guera.”

“You know, I likeguerabetter than baby, or sweetheart,” I tell him shyly, kissing his thumb.

“Then you’re myguera.” He gathers me against his chest, wrapping his huge arms around me. “My girl.Mi vida. Mi Ciela.”My life. My heaven.

I exhale heavily. I’m a horrible, selfish bitch. I’m keeping him here with me even though I know I can never give him what he wants because I can’t bear the thought of him not being in mylife. Sooner or later he’ll find out, he’ll realize, or I’ll finally be big enough to admit to him that I can never be faithful to him, and he’ll walk away from me. I’ll lose the first man I ever loved. One of my best friends. The only person who makes all the noise in my head go quiet.

I wrap myself around him, hating myself for how broken I am. I can’t even let myself be happy.

“I’m going to treat you so good, Stella.” He kisses my collarbone, my neck, my shoulder. “Just you wait. All this pain, it’ll be gone before you know it.”

My heart leaps into my throat as the sound of a motorbike engine roars behind my car. Reality comes crashing down on me, and I just want to tell Dylan what’s happening, what’s going on in my head. Instead, I climb out of his lap, and pick the peonies and my bag up from the floor.

“We should go in,” I say quietly.

“I mean it, Stella.” Dylan reaches over and brushes a hand over my thigh. “As long as I have to wait, I’ll wait.”

“I know.” I jump as someone knocks on the window, and I turn to meet Levi’s grinning face. He eyes us through the window, taking in Dylan’s half-naked body, and raises an eyebrow.

“Am I interrupting?” He yells.

With a roll of my eyes and a sigh, I push open the door. “We were just talking.” I hope my flushed face doesn’t betray me, and I hope to god Dylan’s bulging erection has calmed down.

But the way Dylan hurries across the yard to the house and calls, “Going to shower!” Over his shoulder, I doubt it.

Levi eyes me questioningly. “DidI interrupt something?”

“No, we were just… We were just talking. He was out jogging and I picked him up.”

---