Page 32 of Fracture

Levi nods, then reaches out and strokes his fingers through my hair, pushing it back over my shoulder. “You look pretty. Did you get your hair done?”

“Yeah, I went to Zee’s.” I struggle to keep my breathing even as his fingers brush down my arm. “They always do a great job.”

“It’d be pretty hard to make you look anything but perfect.”

I clutch on to the bouquet of peonies like they’re armor, and gaze into Levi’s bright blue eyes, wondering what the fuck to do and who the fuck I am. Minutes ago, I was grinding on Dylan’s lap and telling him I love him, and now I’m resisting the urge to wrap my arms around Levi’s neck and devour his full lips with mine.

“I’m not perfect, and you all should stop acting like I am.” I don’t intend for my words to be so cutting or for my tone to be so cold, but the self-loathing leeches into every bone in my body, and before I look back into Levi’s eyes, I turn on my heel and head into the house.

“Stella, wait up!” Levi is right on my tail, following me inside. He catches me in the kitchen and spins me around to face him. “What’s going on? Did you and Dylan have a fight?”

“No, nothing like that.”

“Then what?” He leans closer to me, his brow furrowed as he gazes down at me. “Baby girl, if you don’t tell me what’s going on-”

“What? You’ll spank it out of me?”

His eyebrows shoot up for a second, and he exhales sharply. “I didn’t mean to… Look, I know things are… Weird, but…” He breaks off, his eyes dropping to the floor and I can practically hear the cogs turning in his head. “We’re all figuring shit out, and trying to find our way here.”

“Things aren’t weird, Levi. They’re a fucking mess.” Words I shouldn’t say are threatening to bubble out of me. All the feelings I had when he had me cornered on the porch, the thrillI felt seeing him come undone and to know I was tearing all his restraint away from him. “You and me, we’re damaged. And if we don’t fucking stop, Dylan is going to get hurt.”

Levi releases me instantly and takes a step back. He runs a hand over his head, and nods emphatically. “Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry. I’ll find my own place, OK? I’ll be out of here within the week.”

“Good.”

He leaves the kitchen quickly, and I watch his retreating back with a heavy heart. I turn and watch the sun sitting on the horizon, casting orange light across the yard, and I wonder if this feeling will ever go away.

CHAPTER 8

DYLAN

It’safter midnight when I decide it’s too fucking hot to sleep, and head downstairs. Stella went to bed a couple of hours ago, and Levi headed out on his bike to go god knows where. The sound of crickets singing wafts in through the open windows, and thunder rumbles gently in the distance.

I get myself a glass of water in the dark kitchen, and gulp it down. A gentle breeze starts to tug at the curtains, the gathering storm blowing in over the mountains.

I flip on the porch light and throw myself down into a deck chair. My cigarettes are still lying on the table where I'd discarded them before my run this afternoon, and I reach over to pull one out, lighting it with my silver lighter. I’m determined to quit after this pack is done. It was just a habit I picked up in prison, a way to cope and barter and have something to connect with the other guys inside over.

But I don’t want to smoke anymore. I want to be healthy and have a long, long life outside.

I suck the smoke down into my lungs, leaning my head back and blowing it out into the dark sky. Lightning flashes in the distance, followed by the gentle growl of thunder. I turn myhead to look up at Stella’s window, and wonder if she's asleep or tossing and turning in this heat.

I don’t know what I’m doing. This afternoon I was sure she wanted me, that she’d take me home and let me peel her clothes off and finally, finally have her. Maybe if I was a different kind of man, I’d have tried to convince her. I’d have pushed harder. But I’m not like that. Not with her.

She loves me, and that has to be enough for now.

It doesn't do much to lessen the burgeoning need for human contact.

I take a deep drag of the cigarette and decide I just need to fucking get laid. 10 years of no physical affection, of no kissing or touching or fucking, it’s too much.

There’s a crunch of gravel, and Levi appears down the side of the house, pushing his bike. He smiles up at me, nodding as he puts his bike under shelter.

“You’re up late.”

“Not really.” I hold out the cigarette as he walks up the porch steps, shrugging off his leather jacket. “It’s only midnight.”

“Our girl asleep?”

I hate how much I love those words. If only it were true. I nod as he leans down to let me light the cigarette for him.

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