Page 16 of Afflicted

“I’m sorry.”

“And you?”

“My parents were the first to die in our town,” I reply, looking down at my hands. “My mom was a teacher, and she caught it off a student. Took it home to my dad, and they died the next day.”

Matt exhales heavily. “I’m so sorry.”

I nod. “And then my brother died two weeks later, and that was that. Family gone.” I flick my nails together and sigh. “My college was an emergency response center for like 2 months. When the National Guard left, the feeders came. And they brought me here.” I turn to look at him, trying to smile. “Why didn’t they keep you at the breeding farm?”

He shifts a little, and a flush rises on his cheeks. “Because, well, because of my… issues.”

“Oh shit,” I say quickly, looking away. “I’m sorry, fuck, it’s none of my business.”

“No, no, it’s OK.” He grabs my hand, turning me back to face him. “Really. Don’t be sorry. You just wanted to know.”

“I’m sorry they did that to you.” I hold on to his hand. “You really have 25 kids?”

He laughs bitterly. “Yeah I do, maybe even more, the feeders weren’t always clear on what happened, you know, after. I only ever saw two of them, the others, they had the moms moved real fast to other colonies. It’s a weird feeling, you know?” He puts his other hand on mine. “I always wanted to be a dad, have kids, have a family. And now I have a bunch of kids, a whole lot of women were pregnant withmykid, and I never got to do any of the things a dad does.”

I don’t want to say sorry anymore, because it’s useless. We’re all sorry, we’ve all lost people we loved. Not one person in this colony has been spared that. We’re all united in grief and loss, and it’s the worst thing to bind you to other people. So instead of saying sorry, I lean against Matt and welcome his arms around me.

“Goddamn it’s hot,” he says after a while.

I look around to check that no one’s watching us, and then get to my feet. “Come on,” I say, holding on to his hand. “I want to show you something.”

He chuckles but says nothing, letting me drag him across the lawn towards the tree line. I check one more time over my shoulder to make sure no one has seen us, and then break into a run through the trees.

We wind our way through the foliage, twigs crunching underfoot as we go. It’s cool down here, and after a few minutes I hear the bubbling of the stream that runs through the ambling tree roots.

“Hey, this is real pretty.” Matt looks up and down the sun-dappled glade, over the water that’s rushing past us. “Do you come down here often?”

I kick off my flip-flops and walk into the cool water. “Whenever I get the chance, which isn’t very often.”

“That’s a shame.” He kicks his shoes off and follows me into the water. He stands in front of me and smiles sheepishly. “So, I kind of realized I didn’t even kiss you before we, you know.”

“No, I guess you didn’t.” I gaze up at him. “Did you still want to kiss me after I didn’t talk to you for a whole week?”

“Yeah, I do.” His hand brushes over my shoulder. “I like you, a lot. You’re not like anyone else I’ve met, in a really long time.”

I give a half-hearted laugh. “I’d want to hope you don’t know too many women who get dragged kicking and screaming from your bed and then ghost you for a week.”

Matt laughs out loud, and my stomach does a little flip.

“See? I said you were funny.” He places two fingers under my chin, tilting my head back.

“Nope, just cynical.” My voice had been reduced to something barely above a breath as my eyes dip to his lips and I wait for him to kiss me.

“Cynical, maybe.” He smiles. “But pretty cute too.”

He lowers his mouth to mine to place a tender kiss on my lips.

My eyes flutter closed as his arm moves around my waist, drawing me closer and deepening the kiss. I put my arms around his neck, and even though it feels so nice, an ache unfurls inside me. I miss being touched. I miss being held. Matt kissing me just brings that all crashing down, so much more than anything that happened in his bed that night.

I’m lonely. I’m never alone, but I never touch anyone. No one ever touches me like this. I’m so fucking starved. We have sunshine and fresh air and food but we don’t havelife. We don't have hugs and jokes and date nights, movies and candlelit dinners where one of us tries way too hard.

No wonder I was willing to let Matt fuck me the afternoon I met him. I’m aching, I’m dying for this, for another person to touch me, to stroke my hair, maybe rub my back and trail kisses over my neck.

Matt laughs softly when we part, his arms staying around my waist, holding me close. “You’re a good kisser.”

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