Page 88 of Until Then

“I know it wasn’t a good look when you came over tonight, but I promise you, I’ve learned a lot of ways to work through thoughts. I’ll keep a low dose of medication, I’ll focus on my positive routines. When I say I’m happy, I am. Some days I get stuck, but I’m at least able to ease my way out of it better than before.”

Hayley kisses me, slow and deep.

“I believe you,” she says once we break apart. “I understand there can be harder days than others. I also understand whyIt’s a Wonderful Lifeis your favorite movie now.”

Her voice is soft, but not hesitant. She’s not tiptoeing around the issue. She’s crashing through, bold and bright, accepting all the pointed layers of me. Exactly as she promised.

I kiss her forehead and nod. “Sometimes when I feel the wave pulling me under, I’ll watch it. I love it. I love the reminder that one life makes all the difference, and it would change countless others if we weren’t here.”

Hayley goes quiet for a moment, then looks up at me. “I need you to make me a promise. If we’re doing this, Pretty Boy, I hope you never feel the need to hide from me. I want to brace you through them. Promise?”

I leave a kiss on the tip of her nose. “I promise, as long as you do the same. Rees started hiding his problems from me until I yelled at him to stop. Don’t feel like I’m going to break if you need to toss some of your stress onto me.”

“Good to know because I’m basically a hot mess.”

I laugh and pull her against my chest, resting her head under my chin. “And I thought you couldn’t get any more perfect, Wildfire.”

TWENTY-SIX

Hayley

I send a quick text to Rees before it got too late. He doesn’t respond, and I take it to mean he’s on a plane.

Noah rolls his eyes when I tell him his twin is adamant on coming to L.A. but he never truly grumbles about Rees being dramatic. There’s even a slight, hidden smile on his mouth when we settle back in the truck bed.

All night we sleep under the stars on that hill. Bundled in blankets, holding each other close, I’ve never had a better night’s sleep.

Sunday mornings on the ranch almost always consist of brunch in the main house. Today is no different, there are simply more faces.

I take note of Rees first. His dyed hair and tattoos tend to stand out. The second Noah and I step into Nan’s house after freshening up at mine, Rees Hayden crosses the room, shoves his brother in the shoulder, then hugs him without a word.

Noah claps Rees on the back. “I’m good, man.”

“You better be,” is all Rees whispers. “Don’t ever turn off your phone again.”

“Ever?” Noah’s tone is playful.

Rees merely slugs his shoulder again, but sticks close to his brother when we enter the dining room.

Briar is there with Tyrell, laughing at old memories with Nan and my mom. Times when we thought we could fly from the hayloft in the barn, or when Briar made me model new cowgirl boots for everyone. Complete with a runway.

She must’ve called Carter, or maybe he called her. It doesn’t really matter, what’s important is the dining room is packed with people from Noah’s life and mine. My uncles, stuntmen, Greer, Justin and Adaline, a writer from the show, Tyrell, Nan, Mom, and Rees.

Noah takes in the sight. A muscle ticks in his jaw.

I give his hand a few quick pulses and whisper next to his ear. “Don’t forget how much you matter to people, Noah Hayden.”

“There he is.” Uncle Milton stands and slides a chair from the long wooden farm table. He pats the seat. “You come sit by me, son.”

Most of the ranch side claps and laughs when Noah hesitates.

Milton waves his hand. “Come on. You did what I’ve been wanting to do for almost thirty years. You’re sitting right by me.”

Finally, Noah takes his place, still holding onto my hand.

Briar hugs his neck, then mine. “You fell off the face of the earth, bud.” She shoves his arm. “You okay?”

Noah nods. “I figured there’d be some backlash. Thought I’d avoid it for a day or two. Ty, sorry if this puts you in a tough spot with the new season. I didn’t mean to cause trouble or add to your plate.”

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