Page 100 of Merciless Queen

March 2, 1995

Wedding day. Finally. Let’s get this over with.

March 3, 1995

Her mother cried when Diana signed the papers.

The night progressed quicker when I stuck by Ivan’s side and drank myself stupid. The wedding night came and passed. She was a virgin, as promised. So a deal struck is a deal made.

By next week, Papa is stepping down. Said the Bratva is in worthy hands.

I feel numb about it all. If Diana saw a shift between now and our first meeting, she didn’t say anything. It’s good she didn’t. Last thing I need is someone to state what I’m aware of.

Papa was right. Easier to not love. Love leads to disappointment, like how I felt losing Mama.

If I lose Diana, I’ll be able to move on.

August 16, 1996

Diana is pregnant.

She’s also more than just beautiful.

She’s entertaining. Fun. As much as I hate to say it, I quite enjoy her company.

More facts for Papa to be unaware of. He can’t know that I’m falling for her.

Idiotic. Stupid. But maybe, the truth…

October 28, 1996

Papa died today.

April 20, 1997

My daughter’s name is Vanessa.

She’s a spitting image of her mother, and for that reason, I can’t hate her.

But I also do. She’s not a boy. She can’t be my heir. Ivan is concerned but I think he’s secretly pleased becausehis son, Dimitri, was born last year. We both know what the organization will insist on if I never produce a boy.

Imustfor the Bratva’s future. For my own pride. For the memory of Papa.

January 20, 1998

Vanessa is nine months old today. She might not be a boy, but she makes me so happy to be her father. I’m utterly in love with her. Never thought such a tiny creature could hold so much power over me. Her features are becoming more distinct, and she’s a mini-Diana, which I’m thrilled about.

I love my wife. There, I wrote it down. Papa’s long-gone, so he’ll never find this, which means being able to admit to you what I think I’ve only just began admitting to myself.

I’m not unhappy she was the price of the merger. She’s perfect and kind and the best mother to my daughter.

December 20, 1998

The holidays continue to be a darkness.

I’ve lost Diana too.

A local gang tried to skip out on paying for drugs they ordered, so I had them wiped out instead. They paid for their addiction in blood.

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