Page 101 of Merciless Queen

But we missed two…and they found Diana when she was shopping.

The only reason my Vanessa survived the shooting is because their bodyguard. I might not have an heir, but I do have a piece of Diana and I think that’s enough. I think I can contend with that fact.

Ivan says I should remarry. Replace Diana with someone worthy, who’ll give me what I need, but I’m not sure I can.

Not sure I’d want to.

November 23, 2002

Vanessa is five now.

Just thought I should record that.

She looks so much like her mother. Sometimes, I hate her for it. It’s easier to leave her with the nanny than spend any time with her because it only makes me sad andregret so much, like falling in love with my wife. Papa was right all along, but I stupidly didn’t learn from Mama’s loss, and now, I’m reliving it all over.

While Vanessa’s still a child, I’m already planning possible marriage matches. She might not be a boy, but the Bratva can still go to her instead of Dimitri—and thus, Ivan—through a worthy connection. It’ll get handed to her husband, and I’d much prefer that over Ivan’s grubby hands.

Besides, the sooner she’s wed off, the sooner I don’t have to look at her.

May 30, 2005

The war with the Italians has gotten worse.

Sometimes, I read old entries of this journal, some written when I was young and wanted to speak about my feelings. When I entertained Mama’s ideas—God rest her soul. Each time, I laugh at the past version of myself because I don’t remember him at all. That’s not who I am. Not who I’ve become.

Diana would be ashamed. Mama would disown me. Not really, because she had this idea of unconditional love, but she’d certainly want to.

Maybe that’s why I’ve adopted the behaviours Papa always wanted me to have. He despised Mama’s kindness. Yet another reason he likely killed her.

I don’t know why I did it. Why I thought it was smart. But I kidnapped Gabriella Mancini, wife of the Mancini Family of the Cosa Nostra. This is weeks after they attacked a place I held dearly. This is the ultimate hit back.

More so, because Mancini is unable to retaliate in the same way. It’s useful not having a wife for them to kidnap. I’m happy I never remarried because women are commodities in business and war.

I tortured her in ways I won’t write about because this journal doesn’t feel completely safe and private anymore. Someone will find it one day and the actions I took against Gabriella are mine and mine alone. I hurt her and her marriage in a way she’ll never heal from.

Old me would have sympathy.

New me doesn’t give a fuck.

It’s war. She was the victim, but it’s Mancini who’ll pay the price.

Next time, he won’t fuck with me.

February 15, 2006

I received a letter from Italy today.

Seems, I have another daughter. A bastard born from what I did to Gabriella.

I don’t understand why they told me. Are they looking for retribution or me to claim ownership over the girl? I doubt it’s that one; that Mancini would want to end this feud by becoming a family.

Ivan is concerned about the future, but I say, we let the issue lie. I’ll never contact the Mancinis again, and Vanessa will never learn the truth because it’s better this way. She’s nine now, and telling her she has a younger half-sister would thrill her. No point in introducing heartbreak yet. She’ll live it eventually.

June 27, 2010

It’s been four years since my other daughter’s birth and Italy refuses to end attacking us. Therefore, I refuse to stop retaliating.

It’s gone on long enough, and Mancini needs to realize I’m not someone to play with anymore. But as much as I hate to admit this, we’re too evenly matched. Losses have been equal on both sides; same number of businesses destroyed, deals taken over, merchandise robbed, and soldiers’ deaths.

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