Page 20 of Cowboy's Sinful Bargain

Jos smiled, gave me a simple nod, and then stepped back so I could walk out of the bathroom. He shut the door behind me and then led me toward the living room.

I was a bit confused when he grabbed a quilt off a rack near the fireplace until he draped it over my shoulders.

"Montana gets cold at night, even in the summer. This should keep you warm."

"Thank you."

I tugged the quilt edges closer around me before following Jos out onto the porch. I wasn't sure where to sit until he gestured to a porch swing I had somehow missed before. I took one side, Jos took the other and then got the swing to start gently swaying.

"Are you holding up okay?" Jos asked. "I know today must have been pretty intense for you."

My automatic answer was yes, but I didn't want to lie to Jos. If we were going to be married then he deserved an honest answer and not one given out of fear.

"I believe I am in...limbo?" Was that the correct way to say it?

"Limbo?"

"Not sure how I feel yet. Feel scared, but I am always scared. Feel uncertain, but I am always uncertain. Feel excited, too. Never felt excited before." At least not like this. "Feel confused mostly."

"About what?"

I waved my hand, gesturing to the scenery before us. "This is not in the books my grandfather provided for me. I do not know what to do or what to expect. I do not know how to behave."

That was the one that scared me the most.

Jos's arm wrapped around my shoulders and gave me a gentle hug. Might have been the first one I'd ever received. "You'll learn."

I hesitated for a moment before leaning into Jos's warmth. Not even the quilt wrapped around me felt as warm as this man.

"Just be yourself, Miko."

That sounded like great advice except I wasn't sure I knew who I was. I'd spent my entire life trying to be invisible and follow the rules so that I wouldn't be punished.

My life had been dictated to me. Where I lived, where I went to school, what I wore, how I spoke, and what I ate. Every second of every day was dictated to me. I hadn't had the time or the opportunity to learn about me.

I had no idea who I was.

"I have favor."

"Sure," Jos replied. "What is it?"

"I don't know who I am. Can you help me find out?"

Jos leaned back and tilted his head. "How can you not know who you are?"

"Not allowed." Not sure I had much more to explain than that.

I winced when Jos's jaw clenched and he turned to look out over the front yard again. "Apologies," I said quickly. "Please, forgive my—"

"You have nothing to apologize for, Miko."

I wasn't so sure about that.

"You are angry."

"Not at you." Jos's jaw unclenched just a little when he looked down at me. "Never at you. I'm just angry at how you were treated."

I admit that there was a small part of me that was angry, too, but I doubted it would do me any good to allow that anger to overcome me. There was nothing that could be done.

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