Page 150 of Toxic

I turned and saw him.

Soren. Painfully beautiful. The painful part—just a tad too much.

I didn’t say anything. I just looked at him, feeling only sorrow and exhaustion.

"You hate me, don’t you?" he choked out, his lips trembling slightly.

"Quite the opposite. But what can I do? This is your decision, Soren. And unlike Liam, I’m clearly at a disadvantage. I’m a damn alpha. I lost by design."

"In my heart, you have every position. In my heart, you’re the absolute winner, Skye."

My laugh was bitter, almost hostile.

"Stop it. That’s bull. And the problem is, even if that were true, your heart isn’t the one making the decision."

He took two steps toward me. I caught his scent, and something about it hit me again—it intensified, with a new note. Vanilla, and something else hovering in the background. A subtle hint of… lime?!

"Your scent, Soren. It’s changed. You’re pregnant."

There was no point in mentioning the other one. Soren’s lips were a deep pink, slightly parted. He stared at me, seemingly ignoring my words.

"Every day, I wake up thinking about you and fall asleep thinking about you, Skye. Every day is torture."

"Jeez, give me a break, Soren! It’s a torture you can so easily end. I’m waiting for your decision, and I’m suffering just as much. But you’re free, and it’s solely your choice."

"I want to… I want to end this misery. I can’t take it anymore! I can’t!"

He took another step toward me, lifting his hands to rest them on my chest. I shivered; it was such a powerful feeling, like a wave of sweet energy washing over me. I let out an involuntary groan, and I felt myself harden instantly. But I didn’t touch him. I stepped back, and his hands dropped.

"For the love of God, Soren, don’t touch me if you don’t want to kill me," I groaned.

"But it’s killing me that I can’t touch you!"

"Tell me once and for all—do you want to be with me or with Liam? You asked for time, and I gave you the time. But enough is enough. Stop playing with me, stop tormenting me. I’ve reached my limit! The last few days, I’ve started to regret ever wanting you, ever chasing you. For the last nine months, I’ve known nothing but misery! I want out!"

But then he stepped closer again, wrapped his arms around my neck, and his lips brushed along my jawline. I didn’t give in; I didn’t lower my head to meet his lips with mine.

"Stop playing with me, Soren! Tell me your decision. Have mercy," I choked out, feeling tears lurking under my eyelids. "I’m a human being, not just a fucking alpha! Don’t reduce me to my gender! I have feelings, and you’re being cruel to me!"

Soren almost growled, his teeth biting into my neck painfully, but I didn’t mind. If only that was the sole pain he caused me.

"You think this is a game?" he muttered. "Do you know what I felt when Anton left? I loved him with everything in me, to the point of madness. His leaving destroyed me. I wanted to kill myself. That’s why I have these tattoos on my forearms—to cover the scars. Now I feel ashamed of them! I can’t—I just can’t give myself to someone like that again! Don’t you understand? Because I’m the kind of person who’s either all in or all out, and it scares me that you could be my ‘all’ just like Anton was. But I don’t want that—I can’t let myself go through that again. Don’t you understand? I’d end up six feet under!"

I stepped back, firmly pulling his hands off my chest.

"Then leave me alone, once and for all. Next week I'll hand in my letter of resignation to Winter. Because just like you, I don’t want to suffer. Your suffering is still just a possibility, but mine is very real, here and now. I can’t do this anymore, Soren. I need to leave, to free us both from this hellhole."

Soren’s eyes, gray like a stormy sea, were fixed on me with terror, tears streaming down his cheeks. "No! Don’t you do that, don’t leave," he gasped, his lips quivering. "Please, just don’t… No!"

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to see his pain, but it didn’t help; it flowed toward me almost telepathically. "Then be with me. Let’s go to Liam’s place today, grab all your stuff from there, and bring it to my place. Let’s just be together! It’s that simple!"

A sob tore from his chest.

"But then he’ll suffer. He loves me; I’m everything to him, I can’t crush him like that. I promised him a chance to be with me. He adores me so much!"

"I love you too, and you’re everything to me as well. Right now, we’re all suffering, can’t you see? You, me, and him. There’s no way out of this messed-up trap, except for one of us leaving. It will be me. I’m the logical choice here!"

"No! Listen, Liam agreed that I could be with you sometimes… you know, sexually, like before, we could—"

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