Page 142 of Toxic

There was a brief moment when our eyes met—his full of hope, mine more reserved—and I almost physically felt the moment it settled in him: the realization that I wasn’t like yesterday, that the distance between us was back.

"We’re already late, Skye. We’ve got fifteen minutes to eat breakfast, and then we have to go to class."

Skye’s face looked startled and uncertain.

After a night like that, he surely expected a sweet greeting, not the cold shoulder. I knew it was messed up—this twistedgame of push and pull. I had to agree with people’s frequent assessment of me: ‘toxic’, mainly because I was so indecisive, tangled in all those dilemmas that ate at me day and night. I didn’t know what to do with myself, and everyone around me was suffering because of it.

Pursing my lips, I walked past him and out of the room, and he followed. We walked in silence, which felt horribly uncomfortable. Thankfully, there were some other people in the elevator because I didn’t even want to look at his face.

When we got to the hotel dining room, there were only two people left from our course, finishing their meals. We grabbed what was left and sat down to eat with barely ten minutes remaining. I stared at my plate. At some point, Skye tried to take my hand, but I pulled it away.

"I called Liam," I muttered.

Seriously, I couldn’t believe I even brought that up. This was the worst possible time to start that conversation, but it just slipped out.

Skye let out a loud sigh.

Only then did I muster the courage to look at him. He was pale, his jaw clenched tight. I could sense his frustration and growing anger, but I didn’t have the mental strength to deal with his emotions while my own were such a mess.

"And? What did Liam say?" he asked, his tone dry.

"He forgives me for cheating on him. He wants me to come back to him. But there’s a serious problem."

Skye stayed silent, turning his gaze toward the hotel window.

"My heat is coming soon. It could happen tonight or tomorrow morning. I don’t know, it’s hard to predict with me."

I saw him flinch slightly. He turned back to me, his eyes wide.

"Heat?"

"Yes, my mini-heat."

I could practically hear the gears turning in Skye’s head as he pieced things together.

His face paled. "Oh God, Soren… we did it without protection. If your heat is so close… I’m sorry, it’s my fault, I lost my mind, all I wanted—"

I snorted in frustration. "Your fault? No, all of it is my fault… and my stupidity. And being a whore. That’s my punishment."

"Soren, stop. If you really do go into heat, there’s a big chance—"

"I know that, Skye! You don’t need to spell it out," I snapped, feeling my nerves spiking.

"Is there anything you can do to stop it? Like a morning-after pill or something?"

"There’s nothing. Not with my screwed-up beta hormone levels. I’ve tried before, and it didn’t work. The only option would be abortion. But really, what’s the difference? Abortion or miscarriage. I just don’t want to involve doctors and deal with those pitying looks. They always stare at me and most likely think, ‘Defective, pathetic beta, you poor thing, so fucked up!’" I sounded angry and bitter, this whole situation was pissing me off so much. "My body is a mess. I have no control over it. I don’t know what to do, it’s too much for me."

Skye grabbed my hand, this time quickly enough that I didn’t have a chance to pull away. His strong fingers closed tightly around my bony ones.

"Soren, I promise you, you won’t go through this alone. I’ll be with you every step of the way. I swear—"

"What good is that? Do you think it’s just about the pain? That’s only a few hours, I can handle it. But there’s something else, something I don’t even let myself think about."

My voice trembled, even though I didn’t want it to. I squeezed my eyes shut.

"The problem is… I wanted these children to live."

Skye fell silent. I could tell he hadn’t expected this. It probably didn’t fit his image of me. I didn’t look like someone with paternal instincts—more like a pathetic, rebellious, half-baked bad boy and campus rent boy, yup.

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