Page 141 of Toxic

The silence on the other end of the line was deep and heavy. It lasted for a while—I waited and waited until I finally heard quiet sobs, and realized Liam was crying.

"Liam, I’m sorry. I’m just a fucking slut. You didn’t deserve this…"

I could still hear him sobbing, struggling to breathe, almost choking.

"Liam, I’m toxic. My life is a mess. I don’t even know what to do. I’m all over the place. I make one decision, then I change it. I’m constantly doubting myself, and I’m so damn scared. You don’t even grasp how fucking scared I am!" I babbled, feeling a sharp pain in my chest.

Liam hadn’t done anything wrong. During those two months when I was separated from Skye, he’d been nothing but supportive. He put up with all my moods, dealt with my not-so-pleasant presence every day, made me breakfast and dinner, cleaned up, and generally took care of me like I was a child while I was curled up in pain, missing Skye. He really deserved more than just being cheated on by his drunken (more like just tipsy!) boyfriend.

"I’m sorry, I don’t know what to do. And the worst part is, I think I’m going into heat. I’m seeing changes in my body that suggest it could happen today, maybe tomorrow, or in the next couple of days. When that comes… I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to stop myself again."

A loud huff. "I’m coming to you, Soren! I’m already at work, I have something urgent to finish, but I’ll be there…" I heard his voice breaking, and a wave of fear washed over me.

"Liam, I still have the rest of my course today. My last class ends around 3:00 pm. We’re scheduled to head back early Saturday morning. Don’t do anything rash—"

"I’m coming! I really don’t want you spending your heat with him. You know how it works!"

"No, I don’t! I’m not an omega, Liam. I don’t form that kind of emotional bond like AOs do. And it only lasts a few hours, sometimes three, sometimes five!"

"You don’t get it! His obsession with you will skyrocket after, as it happened with Don. AOs form strong attachments during—"

"It’s not even certain the mini-heat will happen today!"

"But if it does, you’ll end up in his arms. Then, it’ll get harder and harder for you to say no to him," he almost whimpered. I could tell how much it hurt him to say those words.

"Liam, don’t do it. Don’t come here. It’s pointless, you can’t just stop it like that—"

"Stop what? You falling into his arms?"

"Liam, that’s not fair. You don’t understand how strong it is, you just don’t understand!"

"What don’t I understand, Soren? That I don’t know what it means to want someone so much? Trust me, I know. Those two months I slept next to you, I wanted you every single day, but I had to hold back."

I felt something break inside me. It was such an awful pain. Liam was right—he’d held back. Me? I’d set the bar so much lower for myself. I just jumped on Skye's dick after a few drinks, more of an excuse than a real reason. If I was honest with myself, I knew I wasn’t even that tipsy. My mind was pretty clear, it wasn’t a case of drunk sex you could regret… It was just plain, simple cheating.

"Liam, I’ll be back tomorrow morning. Just stay hopeful, okay?"

"And if you come back and the heat starts when you’re with me, will you spend it with me? Will you let me—"

I felt a wave of dread wash over me, and I shivered. No, I couldn’t. I just couldn’t! I could never do that. The thought of him being with me, inside me… no! But those words didn’t make it out of my mouth. I’d hurt him enough already.

"Liam, I’m just asking you to be patient. Please, try to understand me, okay?"

"What’s there to understand? I get what lust is, Soren! My libido is pretty healthy. But I need to know: do you still want to be with me, or with him? I forgive you for what you did. I might sound desperate, but I’ll do anything to have you with me, even if it means sharing you with him from time to time. But please, don’t say it’s over."

I couldn’t keep this conversation going any longer. Sharing? It was too twisted, even for me.

"I’m not saying that. I just need to calm down and think things over."

"He’s an alpha, Soren. He’ll never be a good choice for a beta."

"I know that, Liam. I’ll be back tomorrow morning, and we’ll talk. We’ll figure it out."

Then, I quickly hung up. I couldn’t handle any more of this emotional tug-of-war.

As I stood up, feeling dizzy, I heard a knock on the door and immediately knew who it was. I opened it, and Skye walked in, watching me closely.

He reached out to hug me, but I took a quick step back, feeling far too shaky and stressed from the conversation I had with Liam.

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