Page 131 of Toxic

"I know, the odds are tiny. You just don’t hear those kinds of stories. They’re like urban legends. But every so often I have these thoughts, you know? Sometimes I feel like I can sense what you’re feeling, and that’s supposed to be a sign of True Mates. And the chemistry… it all fits together, also the fact that I want to be with you so badly. You’re like air to me. I always want to see you, always want to be near you…"

Soren coughed slightly, avoiding my gaze. After a long pause, he added, "Sorry to break it to you, but if we were True Mates, we wouldn’t have been able to stay apart for so many months. They can’t be separated for more than maybe two weeks, from the moment they touch."

"I know," I replied quietly. "I just… brought it up randomly. Maybe I’m a romantic. But sometimes I feel this connection with you, so strong, like we’re meant to be together… like we’re destined for each other. Maybe we’re alpha-beta High Mates, who knows? It’s the next best thing…"

I trailed off, and my voice wavered. I saw that Soren tensed up, his hands clenching into fists as he looked out the window. But he didn’t say anything. We drove in silence for the next twenty minutes, and it was clear to me that Soren didn’t want to dig into the topic of our relationship. I had to try to hold back even more.

Luckily, as we got closer to our destination, the conversation shifted to the training course. We talked about that for a bit, which helped lighten the mood.

Soon after, we arrived at the D-Project company, and there was our hotel right across the street. They had a deal with the hotel and had booked rooms for us. The friendly beta at the reception desk handed us our keys, and I gallantly took Soren’s suitcase. He let me do it without saying a word.

When I brought it to the door of his room, I said, "I’m going to freshen up. See you in half an hour?"

"Yeah, we still have 50 minutes until the first course starts. We can meet in the lobby."

That's exactly what happened; I took a shower, ate a sandwich, and headed downstairs, where Soren was already waiting for me, sitting on one of the couches in the lobby. We headed to the D-Project company's building together, where the room for the trainees was already crowded. From what I gathered, there were nearly 100 people from various programming companies attending the course. Nathaniel had given me time off to take part, as he also wanted me to improve my skills in additional programming languages.

We sat together, as usual, in the back row, which we both preferred. It was nice there; the chairs were packed tightly next to each other, and whenever I moved slightly, my elbow brushed against Soren’s.

Throughout the lecture, I felt his presence next to me more clearly than I’d ever felt anyone’s before, not even Martin’s. I turned my head slightly and watched him for a moment—his flawless profile, his unblemished skin, his silky black hair. He sensed me staring and turned his head, looking directly into my eyes. I smiled softly, but he didn’t return it. Soren had never genuinely smiled at me. Even before we ‘broke up’, the most I ever got from him was a grim chuckle through clenched lips.

"Beautiful. Why are you so fucking beautiful?" I murmured.

He frowned bitterly and muttered, "You keep repeating it over and over."

"I know, it’s because I see it in front of my eyes, like, all the time."

He didn’t respond and turned his gaze back to the lecturer, but I kept staring at him. I just couldn’t take my eyes off him. It seemed impossible to imagine how I’d gain anything from this course when Soren occupied all of my thoughts.

"You’re staring like crazy," he grumbled under his breath.

"That’s probably because I’m crazy about you. And it’s just hard to believe I’m here with you. I’m simply happy."

"Doesn’t take much to make you happy. I could give you many, many more reasons…"

I froze, feeling a slight twitch in my groin. The undertone of what he was saying was obvious, and I felt my cheeks flush.

"I know. Then I’d be ecstatic. For now, I’m just happy."

He didn’t reply and focused on the lecturer again, and after a while, I forced myself to do the same.

That’s how the first lesson went. The next was filled with exercises, so we found ourselves in a room with laptops that we could use. This time, I had to forcefully pull myself out of thinking only about Soren and make an effort to learn something from this course.

After another learning session, there was a short lunch break, followed by another course. We didn’t talk much during the meal. Of course, I was staring at Soren—duh—but he mostly stared at his tray, lost in thought.

The second part of the day dragged on slower, even though it was shorter. Evening was approaching, and we went to grab a quick dinner. After that, we had some free time. Soren said he was tired and went to his room… even though it was only 9 pm.

I felt like he did it on purpose, to avoid getting too close to me, but there was nothing I could do about it. So, I went to my room and started reading, for what felt like the hundredth time, the emails Soren had once written to me…

SOREN

Being on this course with Skye was testing all my values. The knowledge that he was just in the next room, the awareness that we could be together if I wanted, if I allowed myself to be an even more evil bitch than I already was… It was overwhelming.

I hated cheating. I thought it was the worst thing that could happen between two people in a relationship. I never cheated on Anton, and he never cheated on me. Even when he met his High Mate, he broke up with me first before going on a date with the guy. Why should I behave any differently? I'd let Skye kiss me; that was already too much.

Now these thoughts wouldn’t stop coming. I had to restrain myself from getting up and knocking on his door. How the hell was I supposed to last five days of such close contact with him, sitting elbow to elbow every lesson, sharing meals, chatting…

I heard my phone ping — another message from Liam? I glanced at the screen and typed a brief reply: "Everything went okay. Nothing interesting happened."

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