Page 130 of Toxic

"Then what’s this relationship even about, Soren?"

He rolled his eyes, as he often did, and snorted. "Typical alpha. There are different kinds of relationships. Just because you guys are always looking to fuck doesn’t mean betas are the same—we have different libidos!"

"I wouldn’t say yours is low, Soren. Not after what I saw. Four times in one hour? I’d say it’s right up there with mine."

He cursed quietly under his breath and stayed silent for a moment. "Okay, maybe that wasn't the best argument," he admitted, a bit annoyed but also slightly amused. "We just have a different kind of relationship, a platonic one—based more on friendship and mutual support."

I pursed my lips and glanced at him sideways.

"That sounds like a load of crap a grandpa would say. I know how much you enjoy orgasms, touch, kisses on your skin… I don't get how you can be in an arrangement where sex isn't an important part."

Soren pouted his sweet lips. "I have my hand!"

"Seriously? That's enough for you?"

He stayed silent, brooding over something. We drove for a good ten, maybe fifteen minutes in silence before he finally responded, making it into an elaborate statement.

"It all comes down to what I've told you before. I really don't believe that betas should be with alphas. I had a brief moment when I was writing you all those emails where I forgot about common sense, but the facts are the facts. An alpha and beta relationship is doomed to fail. Sure, maybe there's this intense chemistry between us that could work for a while, but life isn't all about sex. There are other important things I value in Liam. I know I can have a stable relationship with him that will last for years without worrying that one day he'll leave me for his higher mate. And I’m only interested in a long-term thing, not in changing boyfriends every fucking year."

Unpleasant irritation washed over me. "Fear, self-blocking, rationalizing, giving up! That's all I hear in your words, Soren. You're not even trying to live—you’re just convincing yourself that what you have with Liam is better than what you could have with me. But I know you don’t believe that. You’re twenty-two, and you’ve decided to give up sex? Okay, maybe when you're fifty or seventy, it’s not the most important thing, but you’ve gottwenty years ahead of you where, day after day, you’ll be denying yourself what you could have with me, in unlimited amounts."

"Yeah, yeah, I already know how a passionate relationship with an alpha ends! I’m not a sex robot; I want more than just fucking, Skye. I want love. But the problem with love is… when people break up, it leaves you broken, crushed, and cursing the day you ever got involved with that person. I’ve been through that, Skye. I was in love, and I had good sex, and then it was all taken away from me. So, what’s the point? I don’t want to suffer again. I learned my lesson, maybe too well."

"Life is full of suffering by nature. It’s not one big happy ride through fields of roses. No one can take anything for granted; we have to fight for everything, work hard for everything. If I was on suppressants, Soren, and I stayed on them for years, even if my True Mate walked right by me, I wouldn’t be able to sense him."

Soren had a sulky face, looking a bit like an offended kid. He threw the extinguished cigarette out of the car window.

"And one more thing. You said you value things in Liam beyond sex. Are you sure I don’t have those qualities too? Maybe I have them and more—because I can give you good sex. Isn’t that a win?"

There was a long silence as he stared out at the road.

"Don’t you want to have kids someday?"

I hesitated. That was the one downside I saw in being with a beta.

"You do. I can see it on your face, Skye. But I can’t give you kids!"

"There’s always surrogacy. If you produce eggs, and clearly you do since you get pregnant, they can be harvested, and we can have a child together that a surrogate can carry."

Soren almost jumped in his seat.

"Whoa, whoa! Stop, Skye. You’re getting way ahead of yourself. Surrogacy? We’re not even together, and have I givenyou any signal that suggests I’m planning to break up with Liam?"

I fell silent, realizing I had jumped the gun. But something about Soren made it easy to do that—I could picture our future life together, far ahead, even if for now, we weren’t on the same page.

"Sorry," I mumbled. "You’re right; I got carried away. It was just a conversation about possibilities. I intend to keep my word. I won’t cross any lines you’re not comfortable with. I said I’d wait for your decision, and I will."

Soren swallowed and turned his head toward the window. And that was the end of that conversation, at least for the moment.

For the rest of the drive, we talked about other things—work, school, even a bit about our parents. Soren was slightly shocked when I told him about how my oldest brother, River, ran away from home with an older man. He also asked for more details on my parents' story and was very sympathetic toward my dad, knowing he had once been a slave bought at an illegal auction. Soren made it clear how he felt about those auctions and how the government still wasn’t doing enough to stop them.

I also noticed he still seemed a bit uneasy about my parents being True Mates. He stared at his hands for a moment and then suddenly said, "I heard that statistically, children of TMs have a much higher chance of finding their own True Mates—like, 400% more likely than children from a different type of relationship, with lower mateship."

For a moment, I didn’t know what to say. Those stats were true, and I understood why that might worry Soren. If I had a 20% chance instead of just 5% of finding my True Mate, it increased the likelihood that one day I’d leave him if I met that person.

I decided to joke. "You know, that might also mean we’re True Mates."

Soren just scoffed in irritation. "Nice try. I’m a beta. I once read that the chance of a beta meeting their True Mate is 0.1%, even in densely populated areas. So, I’m not getting my hopes up."

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