Page 27 of Twink Heart

?“Well, it’s your fault I even had the thought in my head to begin with.”

?I laughed at him. “Bull fucking shit, Rowan. There’s not an actually straight guy on this planet I could turn gay. You’ve had those thoughts for a long time, I guarantee it.” I paused, scoffing at him. “I bet that’s why you’re so mad right now and taking it out on me. You’re upset that you liked it and that terrifies you.”

?“You don’t know shit about me!”

?“I know you’re a grumpy asshole who apparently likes to blame other people for his own problems.” I grabbed him by the shoulder, forcing him to look at me. “I don’t care if you like dick. Nobody does. But I don’t like being treated badly because I did what you fucking asked me to!”

?Rowan growled, pulling himself away from me and up to his feet once more. He grabbed a bar of new soap off the counter and tossed it into the tub with me.

?“Wash your fucking self.”

?And then he stormed out, slamming the door behind him.

?I sat there in the tub, fucking fuming. I couldn’t believe the insinuation he was making. Yes, I admit, I was touching him in my sleep. But how could I be blamed for that? Plus, it wasn’t like I was alone. He was rock hard and leaking pre-cum like crazy when I woke up, so clearly he was involved somehow. Not only that, I tried to pull away from him and it was he who asked me to stay. Hell, I didn’t even want to spend the weekend at his cabin in the first place!

?The level of upset I was reaching was new for me. Yes, I thought Rowan was hot and yes I might have teased him a couple of times. But the situation with the sex swing the night before was a complete accident. Not only that, if he was actually straight like he claimed to be, it wouldn’t have bothered him, anyway. We would’ve just laughed it off and moved on.

?But no. Every time I moved or a piece of skin showed, he was staring at me like a starving wolf glaring down a steak just out of reach. He acted like this was all my fault, when in reality it was because of him that I was here to begin with. He was being a dick.

?However, the longer I sat there in the hot water irritated with Rowan, the more the irritation began to shift to myself. I should’ve known better than to get involved with anyone. If my track record told me anything, it was that being sexual with another man meant they never wanted to see me again. Why should Rowan be any different? And now, thanks to my stupidity, I was stuck in a cabin, stuck in a tub, and my car was parked five miles away at a park with a ticket on it most likely. And my foot was too injured for me to do a goddamn thing about it.

?I fished through the water furiously to find the soap. Once I did, I began to scrub my body with a vigor I’d yet unleashed on my skin. By the time I’d worked out most of my frustration, my skin was pink and sensitive.

?And yet, I was still irritated. Seriously? What was it about this guy that was getting me so worked up? Was it the damaged goods and the sad puppy dog eyes? Or maybe it was the big dick and the way he liked to tell me what to do.

?I didn’t fucking know.

?But I was sure of one thing. I’d never been this upset about a man before and that scared the ever-living fuck out of me.

Chapter Fourteen: Rowan

I stormed out of the bathroom in a huff. Who the hell did James think he was? He didn’t know shit about me and yet he sat there in that tub chastising me like he knew a damn thing about my life and the things I’d been through. He wanted to pretend that he gave a shit about me just to get close. I saw the lust in his beautiful blue eyes that made me melt every time I looked into them. And then, after he got what he wanted from me, he’d fuck off just like Mia did and find someone else.

?That’s what happened when you cared about people. They used you and left, taking your heart and your happiness with them. I couldn’t let that happen again.

?I stormed out of the cabin onto the back porch, going all the way to the railing and leaning against it. A picture-perfect scene of crystalline water and blue sky stretched out before me, but it brought me no joy. Instead, all I felt was fear and distrust.

?James scared the shit out of me. Not only did I enjoy looking at him and I knew I definitely enjoyed touching him, but his smile was infectious. I liked the way he made me laugh even when I didn’t want to. And even though it drove me crazy, I liked that he could find some good in any situation that came his way. If it wasn’t so damn annoying, it might have been a bit inspirational. And the way my heart fluttered when he looked at me… well, that was the most terrifying part.

?I was still broken from Mia. Our years-long relationship had ended just over a week ago. My life was in fucking pieces, I was living in a borrowed cabin, and the only thing I had left from my old life was my SUV and a shitty job I hated. I’d left my heart behind me and I had no intention of getting it back. But try as I may to resist James, he was making me feel things I wasn’t ready to feel. I hadn’t even begun to process everything that was going on.

?Thoughts of Mia drove me to pull my phone out. Whether I was feeling grumpy, sorry for myself, or just plain being a masochist, I wasn’t sure. But I flipped open her Instagram without thinking, just to see what she’d been up to. And the moment her feed loaded, my heart dropped.

?She hadn’t posted just once, but several times in the last week. Not a single one of them would make anyone think she’d been through something painful. Each post was all smiles. There was one of her and her friends out shopping, out to eat, or going to a movie. Those were fairly normal. But when I saw all the pictures of her and the guy I’d caught her fucking, the depression threatened to consume me.

?Mia was already posting pictures of them together, holding hands, and going on dates. There were even some of them kissing. And a couple, I noticed, had definitely been taken back in the late winter earlier that year.

?It seemed her and her boy toy had been together much longer than I knew.

?A new wave of betrayal washed over me as I realized for the first time that Mia had been over me months ago. And, instead of saying anything, she just went out and found someone else to make her happy. Hell, maybe she did try to tell me. But trying and doing were two different things. If she wanted to be with this other guy, why didn’t she just call things off? What was her master plan? Maybe there wasn’t one. I didn’t know. I just knew that it felt like having an ice pick driven through my heart.

?The grief I was feeling was months overdue. My anger was overwhelming. All I wanted to do was scream. But it wasn’t going to help. Nothing would get my old life back or the comfort I felt within it. That part of me was dead, and I was still struggling to lift my broken body back off the proverbial pavement of life.

?And I’d been taking it out on James.

?I flipped over to my texting app and started to type.

Me: I need some advice.

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