Page 28 of Twink Heart

Adam: Happy to help! What’s up, Booboo?

Me: How do I talk to guys?

Adam: There are a million different things I want to say right now, so I hope you appreciate how much restraint I’m showing by not saying any of them.

Adam: You talk to guys like you do anyone else. Honestly and genuinely. Most of them appreciate directness.

Me: And what if I’ve been an ass?

Adam: You apologize you dummy! This isn’t rocket science!

Me: Is it really that easy? When Mia was upset I felt like I had to put on a three-ring circus to figure it all out.

Adam: Talk to him like you talk to me.

Me: I can try that I guess…

Adam: And when you’re done, I have several questions you are required to answer.

Me: This is really new for me so don’t go crazy.

Adam: Pinky promise.

Me: I’ll text you later.

Adam: You better, Booboo.

?I stared at my phone screen for a moment longer, rereading his messages. I still couldn’t believe something so simple could really be the answer.

With Mia I had to coax out the problem, dance around subjects, and jump through all sorts of hoops just to get her to tell me what she was upset about. She always thought it was obvious, but I never knew what she was going on about until she told me. And, as soon as she did, I apologized. But sometimes that wasn’t enough either. It was a strange ritual that drove me up the wall. Of course, I knew not all women were like that, but in Mia’s case, she really could be damn near impossible to try to figure out.

?But could guys really be so easy to talk to? Adam seemed to think so. I just hoped James was feeling receptive. Of course, I didn’t want to just barge into the bathroom and force him to listen to my bumbling apology. That would be awkward and probably make things worse.

Not only that, but the need I felt to apologize to him was odd to begin with. I knew I owed it to him after the things I’d said, but it was the feeling that I would die if he stayed mad at me that threw me off. Since when did I start caring so much about what he thought? Clearly I did though and there was nothing I could do to try to convince myself otherwise.

?What James thought about me… mattered. That terrified me. But at the same time, it was becoming extremely clear that neither my old life nor Mia would ever have me back. Everyone else had moved onto a new life already. So… couldn’t it be my turn to try something new? I was still scared, but I didn’t want to keep fighting this piece of me anymore. I was tired and sad, so why should I deny myself what little happiness I could find even if it was different from anything I’d ever done.

?I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I needed a moment to formulate everything, so instead of heading straight back inside, I parked myself in a patio chair and stared out at the scenery, hoping it would give me some clue as to how to do this. The last thing I wanted to do was be an ass to him again. He didn’t deserve that.

?After ten minutes I really wasn’t much further than where I’d started. With a deep sigh, I pushed myself back to my feet and headed inside. I stepped through the sliding door just in time to hear a loud thud from the bathroom and a cry of pain.

?Without a moment’s hesitation, I darted across the house and threw open the bathroom door, terrified James had tried to get out and fallen. What if he was hurt because I stormed off? I would never forgive myself. But as my eyes focused I realized he was still sitting in the tub, water splashed all over the floor, and he was nursing an elbow as he hissed through his teeth. The moment I opened the door, he glared in my direction.

?“What the hell do you want?” he barked, still rubbing his elbow. “I’m fine!”

?The words stung more than I thought they would as he gave me a taste of my own medicine. “Do… Do you need help?”

?“I don’t need anything from you.” He glared up at me, his blue eyes blazing. “Once I get dressed, I’ll leave. That’s what you and every other guy want from me anyway, isn’t it? Just get a piece and fuck off forever.”

?“James…” I began, taking a step forward as he began to struggle again. “Please let me help you.”

?“I told you I’m fine. Probably better off on my own, anyway.”

?I hated to see that sunshine of his broken. He was always full of smiles and laughter, but it was becoming extremely clear that I’d hurt him. So, instead of reaching for him I merely took a step forward and sat down on the ground, putting my back against the tub once more.

?“Can I talk to you?”

?“Considering I can’t get out of this fucking tub,” he growled, smacking the side of it. “I don’t see how I have much choice.”

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