Page 49 of Teach Me How To Fly

I looked down at myself and saw the pair of panties I was wearing. These were my favorites too. They had a little pink bow on them, so I guessed that’s why my uncle liked them too.

He touched the bow and I looked at the colorful drawing on his hand. I always liked looking at it because the bird in flames reminded me of the Phoenix bird I always saw in cartoons.

He came above me wearing that face that scared me everytime. That’s how I imagine the big, bad monster in the bed time stories Aunt Lydia reads to me looks like, but he was a real life monster. Why?

“Start counting, Annalisa,” he whispered and he took off my panties. “Show me that you didn’t forget how to count. Show me that you’re a smart girl,” he added and his breath hit my face.

“One,” I said and the tears rolled down my cheeks.

He touched me there and I felt embarrassed, dirty, and odd. He moved his fingers on me and the excruciating pain I felt was even more painful than all the other times.

“Keep going.” His breath became harsher, more accelerated and sonorous.

“Two. Three,” I replied as I couldn’t do anything but burst out crying.

“Four,” I continued and I felt myself being pushed up and down on the bed, while the pain that chained my body made me want to scream. I couldn’t have screamed, because I knew he would beat me and do worse things to me than what was already happening. And Maksen could’ve heard me too, and I would’ve been very ashamed of myself if he would see me like this.

“Keep. Going. Annalisa.” he growled in my ear, continuing to move inside me and break me into pieces.

“Five.”

He moaned and I cried even harder.

“Six.”

And he stopped with a sound coming from his mouth that seemed to be taken out of a real living Hell.

Seven. Eight. Nine. Ten.

He didn’t know that, but I knew how to count to ten, and I liked it more, because those were the seconds when he was getting away from me and I was finally being left alone.

Empty, and numb.

I openedmy eyes and I realized I was being held in someone’s strong arms. But only when I took a deep breath in, I realized it was Maksen who was holding me to his chest. I turned my head and saw Aunt Lydia sitting on the chair next to my bed.

I remembered that I collapsed on the ground, and then I remembered that I woke up and the moment I saw the ceiling, I fainted again.

My body was trembling continuously even though I was awake now, but somewhere inside of me, I knew I wasn’t safe. I was in the house where I lived all those painful memories that came back to me.

I started crying and turned around to put my hands around Maksen’s body, hoping to calm myself down, but not even that worked. I cried even harder as I realized that each nightmare I had, each feeling of pure terror I felt, were because I had been abused as a child by someone who was supposed to protect me.

My own uncle abused me.

No.

A stranger who pretended to be my uncle abused me and destroyed my innocence for years. And my brain tried to cover it for me, not letting me fall down the road of such a trauma. I understood very well the coping mechanism my mind used to deal with it because now that I’ve remembered, I felt like living with that part of my life blurred in my memory, was a mercy.

“Annalise,” Maksen’s whisper took me out of my mind for a few moments. “Please say something. I got you, I’m here with you,” he added as he started caressing my hair.

“I-I want to be with you. Just with you,” I mumbled, knowing that Lydia would hear me.

She let out a deep breath, then I heard how she stood up from the chair and left the room without saying any other word. The sound of the door being closed behind her made me move away from Maksen a little and look him in the eyes, where I couldn’t see any hope, and that scared me.

“Please, just say something to me. Tell me what to do, and I’ll do it, no matter what it is,” he spoke slowly and put his hand on my face.

I didn’t shudder at his touch, and that shocked me as I knew very well how my body responded to any touch. Now that I remembered everything, I knew Maksen would never hurt me,but would always protect me, just as he did when we were children.

“I remember,” I said, glancing at him with big eyes.

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