Page 50 of Teach Me How To Fly

He furrowed at my words and caressed my right cheek with his thumb. His dark eyes were pinning me, trying to peel off every layer of feelings I had stirring inside me. I wanted to let him in, to let him see everything by himself so I wouldn’t have to tell him that I wasn’t the little girl he thought of as being an innocent one.

I had been touched.

I had been destroyed and never put back in place.

I was ashamed of who I was, disgusted of my body and my entire being, and I was sure he was going to be too when he finds out what I’ve been through.

“Anna,” he said, and I tilted my head to come back from my mind.

I’d gotten lost in it. Again. For the millionth time in the last few hours.

“I’ve been zoning out again. I’m so sorry,” I quickly replied as I ran my fingers through the hair strands that were resting on my face.

“What did you remember?” He asked briefly, looking at me and maybe hoping for my answer.

“I remember my childhood,” I answered, trying so hard not to look him in the eyes because if I would’ve done it, I might’ve just started crying again.

I cried too much, and it pissed me off that I was so vulnerable and emotional. I didn’t want to be like that, neither did I enjoy being a cry baby, but everything that had happened in the last twenty four hours made me realize that I wasn’t that strong woman I’ve always wanted to be. I hoped that one day I would be past the mansion’s walls and be who I wanted to be, that confident woman I’ve always dreamt of, but that was what it was— only a dream. My past came for me and I knew there was no hope for me now.

I was a little girl, afraid of everything around her, who just found herself alone in the entire world and not belonging to any family that cared about her, except for Maksen.

“Do you remember everything?”

His question hit me like a tornado, and I felt the need to stand up from the bed and start walking.

How could I tell him that I remembered I’d been abused all those years and that’s the reason why I forgot it in the first place?

But did he remember anything since we came here?

“Yes. I do,” I replied, starting to bite my nails as I felt the tears coming in again.

I became nervous, agitated, and I was trembling like I was going to collapse soon. My knees didn’t know how to support me anymore. I heard Maksen towering up from the bed and stepping closer to me, and when I felt his body sticking to mine and his hands hugging me tight, I knew he was trying to encourage me and comfort me.

“I’m here for you, Annalise. No matter what.”

“I don’t know if you’ll be here after you find out the truth,” I whispered, my voice trembling with emotion.

I was afraid to tell him that I wasn’t actually the innocent and perfect girl he always saw in me.

“Your truth is my truth. Your consequences are my consequences. Your darkness is my darkness,” he spoke slowly, close to my ear, and I felt tingles all over my body.

“My darkness is far away from being just that. It is an abyss, a black oasis I’ll never be able to recover from, Maksen.”

I let it out. The tears started rolling down my cheeks again, and I didn’t care about them anymore. I just let them be there, because they proved that I was human – a broken human being.

“You don’t have to recover from it, but to learn to live in it, just like I did,” he answered and placed a kiss on my neck.

Oh, I said to myself as I felt how calming it was to feel his lips on my skin. I didn’t know I needed it until then. His touch made me feel at home.

But with what did he learn to live? He also didn’t remember his childhood.

“Tell me what you remembered,” he spoke slowly as he kept me in his arms. “Don’t be ashamed with me.”

“I can’t.” I sobbed, as I tried to hide myself into his big arms.

I didn’t know where I wanted to hide, but I just wanted to do it. He continued to hug me as his warm breath caressed my skin. He managed to calm me down, and even through the silence he maintained between us, he encouraged me to speak.

Maybe if I told him, the weight I felt sitting on my chest was going to be lighter.

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