Page 131 of Quiet Longing

Just like that, relief flooded in as stress tears rolled down my cheeks. This was all just way too much, especially after the drama of discovering Stephanie had been spreading lies about Rhys and me. We sat in quiet for several minutes, Rhys giving me time to absorb all the information about Jesse. Themore I thought about it, the more it all made sense. Jesse had always been resentful that he’d come from a poor, single parent background. At first, I’d admired that he’d worked hard to win a scholarship and go to college. But there had been a dark side to his ambition. He’d wanted the perfect life, to accumulate wealth and outrank his peers. To never be poor or needy ever again. So, he turned to breaking the law, unable to simply be happy as a successful lawyer who already made very good money.

A part of me was joyfully jumping up and down to know he might go to prison. He might never face punishment for what he’d done to me, but at least he would be punished.

“I’m going to report Steph to HR,” Rhys said after a time, and though I was relieved not to be talking about Jesse anymore, I wasn’t thrilled to be reminded of the reason Rhys had to practically carry me into his office.

“After how she behaved today, not to mention the false rumour, she needs to understand she can’t do things like that,” he went on.

I shook my head. “No, Rhys. I don’t want—”

“Charli, she can’t just get away with it. She was going to slap you out there in the hallway. I’m so fucking angry I’m fit to be tied. You completely checked out like you’d gone somewhere else. Seeing you that way, it was devastating. I can’t forgive her for that.”

“But—”

“This isn’t a negotiation. No one gets to threaten you,” he said , and I felt like my heart was breaking all over again. Despite everything, my fondness for Rhys was a constant. Yes, I was furious about his interference and the burglary, but I also understood him to his core. It wasn’t in him to just let injustice go unchecked.

“She’s obviously hurting, and this is her way of dealing with it,” I said in an effort to reason with him, but Rhys abruptly shook his head.

“Other people shouldn’t need to suffer just because she’s hurting. Do you have any idea …” he trailed off, looking a little worked up as he shook his head at himself.

“Do I have any idea of what?”

His gaze flicked to mine, and at that moment, I saw all his frustration, everything he’d had to push down dealing with Stephanie’s immaturity since their breakup. When he spoke, his voice was flat like he was trying to suppress his anger. “I ended our engagement on Christmas morning because she’d been badgering me about Shay being my best man at the wedding. She wanted me to pick Derek instead because that fit better with her idea of a perfect wedding day.”

“I don’t under—” I started to say when realisation hit. Oh, man, that was horrible. I met his gaze in horror. “She didn’t want Shay because he’s mute?”

Rhys nodded, his jaw flickering as though just thinking about it infuriated him. Hell, it infuriated me to hear it, and at that moment, a lot of my empathy for Stephanie’s position went away.

“She thought it would ruin the speeches to have Shay sign. I was so mad I could barely stand to look at her.”

“Did you ever tell Shay?”

Rhys shook his head vehemently. “No, I could never bring myself to tell him something like that, for him to know the woman I thought I loved could be so callous and selfish, so bloody narcissistic.”

“So, that’s why you ended it,” I stated, and he nodded, shoulders slumped.

“It was the final straw, but there were a lot of frustrations leading up to that incident. Being with Stephanie, I just felt like Iwas going to live my life never feeling good enough to match her standards, and I suddenly realised what an exhausting, unhappy existence that would be.”

I lifted my hand to softly cup his cheek, and he seemed to melt into my touch. “In that case, I’m glad you ended things, but a part of me can’t help feeling for her because I understand a little of what she’s going through. You’re not an easy person to get over, Rhys.”

I cast my mind back to those early college days, the absolute heartbreak of missing him. And that was the thing, itwasheartbreak. I’d fallen in love with him that summer but had been too terrified to admit it even to myself. And after spending these last weeks tangled in his bed, I’d fallen for him again.

The knowledge terrified me. After my divorce I’d been ready to be single for the rest of my life or at least enjoy a few years of independence while I learned how to be a person again. My development had been stunted as soon as I’d gotten involved with Jesse. In some ways, I was still twenty years old and trying to get to grips with my identity as an adult, find my place in the world.

“I can’t be sorry for what I’ve done,” Rhys murmured, taking my other hand in his, and I knew he was talking about Jesse again. “I won’t ignore it when someone hurts the person I …” His words fell off, his jaw working before his handsome, pleading eyes came to mine. “But I am prepared to grovel for forgiveness. If I’ve broken the trust between us, then I’ll do whatever it takes to mend it.”

“It’s not about the broken trust,” I told him gently. “In all honesty, I should’ve known you’d do this. Stephanie was right about one thing, you are a protector, Rhys, and I know you feel responsible for me in some way even though none of what happened in my life after that summer was your fault. In fact, a part of me is overjoyed to know Jesse might get what hedeserves. That part also wants to fall at your feet in gratitude for getting my collection back.”

Fresh tears filled my eyes, and Rhys began wiping them away for me. “I can’t thank you enough for returning these to me,” I said, gesturing to the boxes. “It means more than you know. But I … I think all this just proves it would be a mistake for us to continue being together as we have been. I was wrong to ask that of you in the first place. Maybe Stephanie was right about that, too, in a certain sense. I’ve taken advantage of your open, generous nature, but I can’t keep doing it. We both deserve better. And I’ve spent so much of my life trapped almost completely under the authority of my husband. So, even though you and Jesse are poles apart, I can’t keep sleeping with you, Rhys.” I exhaled a breath laden with sadness. Sitting up straighter, I dropped my hand from his face then stood. “I need to learn how to survive alone, and I’ve been leaning on you far too much.”

“I want you to lean on me. That’s what I’m made for,” Rhys choked, and the emotion in his voice cut me up.

“It’s notallthat you’re made for, though. You deserve to be cherished and protected, too. You deserve someone who can give you everything. Someone who will love a heart as big as yours, but mine, it’s still mending. I’d never forgive myself if my brokenness ended up hurting you. Maybe I won’t realise I’m doing it intentionally, but I need so much, and I fear you’ll keep on giving even when it’s causing you pain. I mean, look what happened with Jesse. What he did to me made you so angry you had people break into his apartment.”

“They didn’t just break into his apartment,” he confessed, and I blinked. “I had them beat the living shit out of him, too, and I have zero regret about that, just so you know.”

Emotion wormed its way up my throat, a tangle of confused feelings warring for dominance. The idea of masked men beatingup my ex-husband who took great enjoyment in abusing me for years felt darkly satisfying. But the fact Rhys felt the need to go to such lengths was upsetting.

“You see? I’ve caused you to do something you never would’ve done if you didn’t feel so responsible for me. But I don’t want to be the cause of your anger, Rhys. I don’t want you out in the world seeking vengeance for the awful hand I was dealt. I only ever want you to be happy and fulfilled.”

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