Page 132 of Quiet Longing

Something flared in his eyes, some kind of understanding. “I can’t lose you from my life, Charli. I’ve only just gotten you back.”

“You won’t lose me. I’ll still be right across the hall from you every day here at work. I’ll always be near, will always be your friend, but I need to prove I can do this on my own. It’s important,” I said while everything inside me continued to break.

I’d been so foolish, allowing myself to get so close to Rhys, to bring sex into our relationship. Why wasn’t I smart enough to know it would complicate everything times a million?

“I understand,” he said after a long stretch of silence as he stood to his full height. “I always knew you’d need to move on at some point and go it alone.” His features seemed pained while his shoulders were stiff with tension. I felt like there was a lot going on beneath the surface, but he kept it masked, out of reach. He’d always been so good at that.

“I’ll treasure these last few weeks with you. They were even better than our summer together.”

“Rhys,” I whispered, moving towards him and wrapping my arms around his neck. He stood still, letting me hug him, but I sensed him withdrawing into himself.

“It’s okay. I was prepared for this,” he said, leaving the rest unspoken,But it still hurts. I knew because I was hurting, too. Finally, his arms came around my waist, and he hugged meback. We stayed like that for a time, wrapped in one another’s embrace, before at long last I released him.

“I better get back,” I said, wiping at my eyes.

“Of course,” Rhys replied, and for a second, I saw a flash of the sheer anguish he felt. I wished there was a way to express to him that just because we weren’t sleeping together anymore didn’t mean he was losing me, but the right words never came.

Rhys cleared his throat, turning away as though to gather himself. “I’ll drop these boxes off at Padraig and Jo’s later this week,” he said, and it felt strange to talk about something so mundane after the brutal conversation we’d just had.

“Thank you. I really am so happy to have my collection back, Rhys.”

“Anytime, Charli,” he replied, then like a gentleman, he escorted me from his office.

***

At first, the withdrawals were merciless. I missed his kisses, his hands, his scent. I’d wake up in the middle of the night, sweating from a dream of being tangled up with Rhys, the pleasure when our bodies joined. Even seeing him at the hotel was different. His smiles were warm and caring, but they weren’t quite the same, and I missed the way he used to smile at me.

I started to imagine how I might feel if he suddenly started dating someone new and was filled with such immense jealousy I had to eat almost an entire box of cookies just to calm myself down. I had no right to jealousy, not when I was the one choosing to be on my own.

Then, after weeks, it got a little bit easier.

I threw myself into my work, and Nuala and I planned the most epic vacation to a resort on the Spanish island of Minorca. Maggie—after trying to talk herself out of coming along just as her brother Jonathan told me she would—finally committed to joining us. Since she and Shay had just gotten engaged, she waslooking forward to a break away from all the wedding planning madness.

I also found a therapist who I really clicked with and was attending monthly sessions. I laid out the entire story of my marriage, as well as what had happened between Rhys and me from our teenage years through to the present. She agreed it was a good decision to focus on finding my feet on my own, but she also wasn’t totally on board with me closing myself off to a possible romantic relationship in the future.

In the end, neither Rhys nor I had to report Stephanie for her rumour spreading. Several people witnessed the scene outside my office and word got back to HR. Stephanie was given an official warning but was ultimately allowed to remain in her position. Strangely, I was glad for that. I didn’t want to be involved in anyone losing their job even if her behaviour was horrible.

Then, two months later, Maeve informed me Stephanie had gotten a new, better paying position at some top PR firm and would be leaving the hotel. Her departure could’ve been due to shame over her behaviour or simple self-preservation. Still, I didn’t hold any ill will towards her. As I’d said, I knew how hard it was to get over Rhys.

Though my letter to Melanie and Kevin was well received, and they’d been prepared to wait for me to put in an offer on their house, I decided against it in the end. That house would’ve been perfect for me, but it felt cruel to start living next door to Rhys after how I’d used him for sex then promptly dropped him. I’d developed feelings for him during those few weeks, feelings that were even more intense once sex was added to the equation, but I still harboured guilt over the whole thing. I’d taken advantage of him, and it had been selfish.

Instead, I went back to my plan to rent and found a one-bedroom apartment not too far from the hotel. It was anadjustment living in such a small space, but I put some work into decorating and turning it into a haven all my own. I even bought some shelves from a nearby furniture store, and my Lladró collection was proudly displayed on them. Once I finished laying everything out, I snapped a picture and texted it to Rhys.

Me: They’re back with their rightful owner, and it’s all thanks to you <3

His reply came a few minutes later.

Rhys: Looks great. Glad you can enjoy them again. x.

After the move, I started meeting with Jo and my other aunt, Julia, regularly for coffee and catch ups. They both assisted me in adopting my very first pet, a three-year-old Maine coon named Bobby. Since I still hadn’t gotten a car, Julia drove me to Waterford where I was to collect him from an animal shelter. It took a while for him to get used to his new surroundings, but he soon became content with the corner I set up for him, complete with a cushioned bed and cosy blankets. I adored sinking my fingers into his thick grey fur and hearing his rumbly purrs of contentment.

More months went by.

It was late summer, and I was finishing up my last day at the office before Nuala, Maggie, and I were due to fly out to Minorca. I was full of excitement and couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so pumped for a simple vacation in the sun.

I was busy running some numbers at my desk when someone rapped their knuckles on the door. Glancing up, I found Rhys standing there, and just like always, my heart skipped a beat in his presence.

“Charli,” he said, his expression grave. “A word.”

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