Page 65 of The Accidental Ghost

Brushing her hands together, she looked around frantically. “Where’s Ralph?” We have to get to Ralph!”

Nina planted her feet firmly after drop-kicking another demon and looked around. “I can’t see her! Glow stick, where the fuck are you?”

Shit! Her fairy dust must have worn off. If Frank got hold of her, he’d drag her into the hole and they wouldn’t even see or hear her.

In that moment of panic, she dove for Shamus’s feet, sliding across the floor as though on roller-skates. “Shamus! Sprinkle me with dust!”

He reached inside his pocket, his tanned face dripping sweat, his eyes determined. Yanking out the small pouch, he dug inside for a handful of the multicolored sand.

Just as he pulled his hand out, a demon cut him off at the legs, taking him down like a tree in the forest.

“Shamus, nooo!” she barked, coughing from the smoke filling up the light. Her legs began to buckle as she tried to reach him, her arms weak as she fought to scramble across the floor.

Flames began to fill the light, Darnell fought demons with his meaty fists at the portal to Hell, trying to prevent them from getting back in, but there were too many.

Wanda and Marty, their hair singed and their clothes patchy from flames, fought like the warriors they were. Hurling demons in the air, only for them to get right back up and come at the women again.

But Frank was one little determined shithead. He rose up, making himself as tall as an oak, stomping toward her, the thunderous crash of his footsteps shaking the light to its core.

“I will not let you ruin this for me, you bitch!” he cried out, scooping her up from the floor and throwing her over his back, leaving her head banging against his scaly flesh.

With the last ounce of energy she had, she tried to free herself as Shamus bellowed, “No! He’s headed for the portal! Stop him, Darnell!”

Darnell, who was busy fighting the demons who’d climbed his enormous frame, fell to the ground, crashing against the floor, skidding clear across the light.

She saw Shamus running toward them, felt the first licks of heat from the portal, saw her life flash before her eyes as Frank took the first step into Hell.

God, it was hot. Yes, yes, yes. Hell was supposed to be hot. She got that, but if she had to spend her eternity sweating her brains out, she’d lose her mind.

That was when she knew she had no choice but to take charge.

And that’s when things got jiggy.

Shamus stood in the middle of the light. Fire licked at his feet, shot at his head, but he stood tall, his mouth moving, words coming from his lips that she couldn’t hear for the roar of the demons’ cries.

He raised his arms high, whirled them in the air as he screamed her name, and a wind rose, a wind so strong, so fierce, it almost buckled Frank in half.

But he withstood the roar, braced himself against it, clinging to her body with rigid steel grips.

As it began to pour, as a wave of water from out of nowhere came rushing at them, a wave higher than any she’d ever seen, total chaos literally rained down on them. What the hell was going on?

Then she remembered. A tsunami. Shamus had said he’d once created a tsunami.

As water began to rush in, Shamus moved his arms as if orchestrating the natural phenomenon, working his fingers as the enormous wave began knocking down demons one by one.

At the same time, as the waves rushed around her, slashing at her clothes and hair, from somewhere deep inside her, the cautious, risk-adverse, non-confrontational Raphaela Tucci from Brooklyn did something she’d probably never forget.…

She grabbed Frank’s tail and took a big ol’ bite out of it.

It was all she could think to do.

She didn’t think about how awful that would taste (because OMG, it was disgusting); she didn’t even think about the fact that she was biting someone to win a fight.

Ralph only thought about an eternity in Hell, where she’d be denied the chance to cross deserving humans to live their best afterlives.

She only thought about being denied the chance to go out for coffee with a hot silver fox named Shamus.

To snuggle with Blanche, read a book, curl up with a blanket. Hug Hazel. Sing their favorite road trip song, “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” at the top of their lungs.

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