Page 41 of The Try Line

Sighing, both exasperated and sad, I put my hands on his shoulders and hold his eyes, hoping I carry even a fraction of the gene that makes a stare something to be taken seriously.

"I did love your father once. But that was a long time ago, and it was a stupid crush. You coming along was the best thing to ever happen to any of us, Jase. It gave us you. You deviously smart little shit," I say, ruffling his hair like he's twelve and not eighteen years old. "But it was also a dose of reality. It set me straight."

Jase snorts. My lips twist into a wry smirk.

"Okay, well, not straight…"

He laughs and thankfully lets it go so we can go inside and eat. The air-conditioning blasts cold air over me as I step inside, helping me sober and focus on putting my mask back in place. I thought I was more subtle. Then again, if I can see behind Mik's mask, I suppose it makes sense that someone could see behind mine.

The rest of the day goes by smoothly enough, and I keep my mask in place while I laugh and joke with Dad. I barely even let it slip when Mom cries about me leaving again on our way out and makes me promise I won't stay away as long this time. They're getting too old to make the trip very often, and I’m ashamed that it's taken me this long to visit. Then again, I was right that I wouldn't handle it well. Only, instead of having a massive tantrum and breaking everything in sight, I'm bending my brother-in-law over trees in the backyard while my sister looks for him. Instead of holding onto my anger and forcing myself to remain stoic and uncaring, all my walls are falling and I'm losing my will to keep up the pretense.

I need to talk to Mik. I need to apologize for pushing him, for being the instigator to taking this too far. For jeopardizing the entire life he's built for himself. And I need to put a stop to it.

But I won't. I know myself better than that, and I'm fucking weak. What I can do is make sure he understands that this stops the moment I get on that plane. Then we go back to our lives, back to pretending that nothing ever happened between us. Back to dreaming about what life could have been.

If he'd chosen me.

CHAPTER 18

MIK

"We need to talk," Jason whispers from the passenger side of his rental.

The back of the SUV opens, Jase grabs the covered dishes and containers of leftovers, then follows Janel as she staggers inside. I don't react other than a clipped nod as I climb out of the driver's seat. Jason had only had a few beers, but I didn't drink at all, not trusting myself to keep my shit together if I allowed myself to relax at all.

I can feel in my bones what he wants to talk about. It's the same conversation I've been trying to find the strength to have since last night. As soon as I was done panicking that Janel could see us—she couldn't, I looked out the window and checked for myself—I knew I needed to put a stop to this.

It's not just wrong, it's a dangerous game we're playing. The happiness and wellbeing of my family hangs in the balance, but I've been too stupid and too weak to see it until my conversation with Janel yesterday. She's so close to uncovering the truth, and she's been watching us tooclosely.

I'm positive she didn't buy our bullshit excuse of going for a walk last night. We were disheveled. I was practically limping. There was bark and dirt ground into my t-shirt and cum dripping down the inside of my legs. I avoided her, taking a hurried shower before she could make it up for bed, and then tucking myself in and pretending to be asleep.

This morning, I’d hoped to pull Jason aside and tell him we need to stop, but she was always there. The one time we got a moment alone was when she went to take a shower and get ready to go to her parent's house for our weekly dinner, but I chickened out. I'd spent so much of the day watching him, trying to find a moment, that I'd slipped into my recent routine of hoping he'd touch me or kiss me.

The way I want him borders on desperation, and I'm terrified that's going to come out instead of what I need to say. Instead of doing the right thing and putting an end to this madness, what will slip out of my mouth is a declaration of love and obsession. Then again, there’s a good chance my madness might chase him back across the ocean.

How am I ever going to let him go?

Jason might look similar to the younger version of himself, aside from the obvious bulk and subtle signs of aging, but he's a different person than he was then. He's so much more self-assured and confident.

Past Jason touched me tenderly and tentatively, asking for permission and wanting to please me. This Jason takes what he wants and forces my pleasure, wringing it from my body. And while there are moments of tenderness that have bled through here and there, he uses me like an object.

His detachment both hurts and comforts me in turns. I want desperately for him to need me as much as I need him, to love me as much as I've never been able to stop loving him, but I'm also terrified of it and trying to detach myself. He said we could get this outof our systems and go back to pretending nothing ever happened. But I'm not sure I'm capable of it.

Janel nearly falls over trying to take her strappy sandals off, then proceeds to giggle and flirt as I try to put away leftovers. Jason watches her, his jaw clenching visibly. Jase watches Jason, an odd, almost amused expression on his face.

It's not until Janel grabs my arms and places them on her ass that I worry about this escalating. "Dance with me, Mik," she coos, pulling up on her tiptoes to whisper,loudly, in my ear, "Like prom." Her voice drops into a forced husky tone as she slurs, "You remember prom, right?"

Not really, no.Forcing a smile, I spin her slowly under my arm and then direct her towards the stairs. "I think it's time we get you in bed," I say, leading her out of the kitchen before this can get any more awkward.

"Ooh, yes, please."

Oh god, why?She never acts like this around Jase, no matter how drunk she gets. Why do I feel like she's putting on a show?

As we're leaving the room, I hear Jase say, "Could you be more obvious?"

Jason hisses for him to shut up, and I'm painfully curious to know what they're talking about. I remove Janel's hand from my crotch and turn her back to the stairs, smacking her ass just to get her moving, hoping it'll encourage her up the stairs. It works, and I follow her stumbling, giggling form up to our bedroom. Once inside, I close the door and open the dresser, pulling out some pajamas and laying them on the bed. She stands at the end of the bed, watching me, as I pass her by and go into the bathroom, coming out with two aspirin and a glass of water.

"Here, take these."

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