Page 12 of Surviving the Darkness

Phoenix must also be relieved because he exhales a big breath, and the tension in the room dissipates in a flash. Having us all on the same page makes the weight on my shoulders disappear. Now that the three of us are in sync, maybe we can fight less and find a way to help Meadow. Maybe, just maybe, our family can be whole again.

We finish watching TV in a comfortable silence and head to bed a little while later. I peek my head into Meadow’s room, trying not to bother her, as I know being here is a lot for her. I promised to give her space, and I will keep that promise, but I still need to make sure she’s okay.

Looking inside her room, I see Meadow sitting on the floor, a dazed expression on her face. I clear my throat, announcing I’m here, so I don’t startle her. She looks up at me with tears in her eyes and an expression I never want to see again. She’s given up; her mind is killing her from the inside, and I don’t know how to help her. We’ll have to help her survive the darkness every step of the way, one day, one hour, at a time.

Chapter 12

Meadow

Aidan walks into the room, but I can barely hear him over the pounding of my own heart. I can’t stop picturing Damon as he thrust into me while carving my body up. I can still feel the pain and the blood leaking down my chest, as if it were happening right now. I want to scream, to say something that will get him off me, but I’m too weak, too pathetic to do anything.

I don’t want to be here anymore; I don’t think I can survive it. My mind and body are messed up beyond repair, and I don’t think I can heal from this. The guys caused this, and I can’t behere with them anymore. I’m just as much a prisoner here as I was at Damon’s house. A tear slides down my cheek as memories of him assaulting me flash in my mind. In my head, I can’t escape him as he violates my body time after time. I can still feel the moment he tore me, and I screamed in pain. I can feel him slapping me across the face for yelling in agony.

My vision starts to blur as Aidan walks closer to me. A tear rolls down my cheek from the nightmares that plague my mind. All I see is darkness when he reaches the spot where I sit on the floor. It’s hard to breathe, and I feel the sweat on my skin as my body shivers. I can’t live like this any longer. I don’t want to be here. I raise my hands, slapping my head, trying to rid myself of the memories that won't stop assaulting me. Foreign hands grab my wrist, trying to prevent me from hurting myself. Instinctively, I move backward to get away from the person touching me. They release me as if I were a disease when I flinch back.

Good. Don’t touch me. A hand caresses my back a moment later as someone whispers in my ear, but I still can’t understand them. I feel like I’m going to pass out from lack of oxygen. Good, maybe I’ll suffocate to death, so I don’t have to feel this anymore. Suddenly, I feel a sting on my cheek, and the air that I didn’t want but need to survive enters my body like a freight train. I cough from inhaling so much air all at once. The hand caresses my back again in an attempt to comfort me, but the embrace feels foreign against my skin, and I move back even further to get away from it.

“Woah, it’s just Aidan. Take small breaths for me. You’re okay. I know you don’t want me here but too bad. I care too much about you to let you suffer alone anymore,” Aidan says.

Sobs rack my body as Aidan whispers lies in my ear. I can’t handle it anymore; I shake my head to stop his words from entering my brain. They need to stop lying to me. I know theydon’t care about me. Every day, Damon reminded me how much they hated me, and that was why no one came to rescue me. I’m worthless and used up; no one wants me. I don’t know why they keep trying to play the hero when they are really the villains who caused my misery. I don’t know why I ever moved back here. Worst mistake of my life.

“You need to leave. I don’t want you here. You don’t mean anything you’re saying, and I can’t take it anymore,” I tell Aidan with as much force as I can muster. Tears still roll down my cheeks from the effects of the spell that hit me, and my body and mind are exhausted. I need sleep, but I can’t do that with Aidan in the room pretending to comfort me.

“Meadow, I just want to take care of you. I understand you went through more than I can ever imagine, but I’m here for you if you’d just let me in. I love you and I’ll always try to help,” Aidan says.

“You weren’t thinking about me when you slept with that bitch. You weren’t there to help when I was taken, so I’m good without your broken promises. I don’t need you. Go away!” I angrily scream as every broken promise he ever made comes to mind. How dare he say he loves me; this isn’t love. He can’t love me, if he did, I wouldn’t be broken.

I can tell that he wants to say more but instead just gets up and walks out with a glance over his shoulder. Probably to make sure I don’t have another attack. Why does he care what happens to me anyway? I just need to be left alone.

After Aidan leaves, my tears slowly stop, and my skin warms. I can’t believe he slapped me. I was too fucked up in the head at the time to pay attention, but he fucking slapped me. Anger and resentment fuel my insides but die out in the next second. I’m too tired to fight anymore. I just want to be gone from this world. I’m sick of Damon plaguing my dreams and feeling his touch every time I close my eyes. I attempt to stand once I thinkI’m strong enough to handle it and walk over to the bathroom on wobbly feet to look at my reflection in the mirror.

My long brown hair that used to shine in the light is dull and flat, tangles everywhere. My eyes are sunken and red, probably from crying, but it could also be from the nightmares. My body is small, and I can see how skinny I’ve become. I stare at myself, but the person looking back isn’t a person at all. I’m a shell of skin and bones, nothing more. Damon took everything I ever cared about and destroyed them one by one.

Tears well in my eyes again because, in this moment, I don’t want to be alive on this earth any longer. I glance around the room, searching for something I can use to end this misery I call life. I find a razor stashed in the very back of my sink drawer. I guess the guys forgot about it when they cleaned my bathroom. Maybe someone else cleaned and it was intentionally left there. After staring at it for a moment, I rip off the packaging and pull out the never-used razor.

This is it, the moment that will end my pain and misery with one quick slice down my arm. I break the razor apart, then grab the sharp blade and walk over to the tub. Settling myself in the bathtub, tears stream down my face as I think of everything and everyone I’ve lost. I know they’ll be better off without me. Taking a deep breath, I raise my arm and using the razor, I slice the last cut that will ever mar my body. Relief pours through me as I watch the blood drip down my arm. It’s not long before I feel lightheaded, and I allow the darkness to take over my senses. There are no voices in my head telling me I’m worthless. All I feel is a sense of peace before I feel nothing at all, and I let the darkness swallow me.

Chapter 13

Knox

Aidan enters my room in a hurry. He’s rambling about something being wrong with Meadow, but he can’t handle it alone. He tells me how Meadow had a panic attack, and he had to slap her to pull her out of it. She couldn’t hear him and nothing he tried worked. My heart races when he tells me how he found Meadow in her room, sitting there motionless like she’d given up. I shoot out of bed in a hurry to make it to Meadow’s room.

I slam the door open, not caring if I frighten her. Standing in her doorway, I scan the room and find it empty. My stomachdrops as I rush into the bathroom where I find Meadow lying in the bathtub. As I move closer, I see crimson red quickly flowing out of her arm. Fuck! She is trying to kill herself! I scream at Aidan to call the doctor and, in a hurry, I remove my shirt and rush to her side. Using the shirt, I wrap it tightly around her arm, trying to prevent her from losing too much blood.

“Come on, baby, you can’t die. Meadow, can you hear me?” I shout in her face.

No response. I use my hand not applying pressure to her arm, so I can check her pulse and find it there but very weak. Fuck! She’s losing too much blood. I yell for Aidan to hurry his ass up and get in here. Phoenix comes rushing in but freezes at the sight before him. Meadow is passed out, covered in blood, the white bathtub now lined with red on one side. His face pales, and I fear he may pass out. I can’t handle that right now, not with Meadow currently on the brink of death.

“Get it together, Phoenix! Help me or get the fuck out. I can’t worry about you right now. If you’re going to just stand there, you need to leave,” I spit out. Anger coats my insides for allowing this to happen and not catching the signs.

Phoenix pulls his head out of his ass and kneels next to me. He grabs her wrist and holds it tight, giving me a moment to relax my hand. She needs a hospital, now; I don’t know how much longer she has, and I refuse to let her go, no matter how little she wants this.

“We need to get her to the hospital. We don’t have time to wait on the doctor. I need your help to move her. Are you ready?” I ask Phoenix.

He nods his head, and I reach under her body, hauling her against my chest, careful of where Phoenix is holding her. Lifting her gently out of the tub, Phoenix and I work together to get her down the stairs and into the car. Aidan sprints behind us and hops in the driver's seat and starts the car. Phoenix and Imanage to get in the backseat with little issue, and I heave out a sigh of relief. The hospital is twenty minutes away, but with Aidan driving, I imagine we’ll make it there in twelve.

The entire drive to the hospital, I gently shake Meadow, trying to wake her, but she hasn’t moved. Her skin is gray and grows colder by the second. I sob as I watch the woman I love, slowly die right in front of me. I know I need to keep it together, but I don’t know if I can. Everything is going to shit. I don’t understand why she would do this. I know we were trying to give her space, but I guess that was the wrong call. It seems everything I fucking do lately is make the wrong call.

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