Page 10 of Surviving the Darkness

After drying off, I catch a glimpse of myself in the foggy mirror. I’m glad I can’t make out much, but looking at the covered glass, I see different colored lines on my body. Running my hands over the raised, healed lines has nausea hitting me full force, and I barely make it to the toilet before I lose what little was in my stomach.

Sitting on the ground, naked and sweaty, I let the tears pour out of me. I’m crying so hard that snot comes out of my nose, and I can barely catch my breath. I feel the outcome of everything I’ve been through. Each scar on my body shows that I am weak; no amount of training with Aidan could haveprotected me. I’m a small, useless girl who couldn’t defend herself to the point of getting abused.

I cry until I have nothing left and fall asleep on the cool bathroom floor. When I wake next, it’s due to my body moving suddenly. I open my swollen eyes and see Knox carrying me back to bed, not the actual bed either. He carries me to the nest I made on the floor, and I can’t tell if I feel relieved or upset that he’s trying to help. I don’t know why Knox keeps trying to make me feel comfortable; he left me—they left me to suffer.

When he sets me down on the hard ground, I realize I’m completely naked. Horrified, I shuffle under the blankets to cover my bruised and scarred body. I don’t want them to see me like this. They left me four months ago, and they don’t get to see my body again, not even the scars they may as well have created.

Knox sees my panic and moves away, but it doesn’t change that he saw my body. He saw every inch of what was done to me in captivity, and I don’t need to see the look of disgust I know will be on his face. I know I’m ugly, and him telling me what he sees isn’t going to change anything.

“Meadow, I’ve seen it all before, baby. Your body is gorgeous as fuck. I don’t know why you’re trying to hide from me. I just want to help. When I heard you screaming at Phoenix, it broke my heart, baby, and when I saw you lying on the bathroom floor, you shattered what was left of my broken pieces. I’m so fucking sorry that I failed you, that we failed you, beautiful. But I’ll make up for it, I promise,” Knox says in a sorrowful voice.

“You did fail me, and I will never forgive you for that, Knox. I need you to leave. I’m sick of you three lying to me. I’ve been back only a day, well, I assume a day. I’m not sure how long I was out when you drugged me,” I spit out.

“I’m so sorry, baby. I will do everything I can to prove that I won’t fail again, but I know you need time, and I will give it for now, just know I’m not a patient man, Meadow, and I won’t waitforever. Sooner or later, you will realize that you’re it for me, for us, and I will fix everything,” he says with determination.

Sighing, I turn and give him my back, hoping he gets the hint to leave. I don’t want to listen to his fake promises and broken words. He lied to me before; he’ll do it again. I’m not even sure why he claims he wants me. He should have left me, just like everyone else.

I hear his heavy footsteps retreat from my room, and I know it’s time to come up with an escape plan. I don’t care if I’m stuck living on the streets; anything will be better than this house. Hunger pains hit my stomach as I think about breaking free from the men who claim they want me; fucking liars, the lot of them.

Moving to stand, I slowly head to the dresser and throw on some of my old clothes I once wore, finding the baggiest ones. Looking at them in my dresser, I understand why Damon took me. I dressed like a slut most days, probably to get the attention of the three men I used to care about.

“Get the fuck out of my head, Damon. I don’t want you there, reminding me of what I am. I know I am nothing now. I know who I used to be, but you fucking broke me. I’m just skin and bones thanks to you,” I say to the air.

Maybe I’ve gone a little crazy from being locked up in the basement for so long. I’m talking to thin air, for heaven’s sake. Mumbling to myself, I pace around the room searching for food scraps. I don’t want to leave the protection of this room until I have a plan together but, fuck, I just may have to if it means putting food in my stomach before possibly starving to death on the streets.

I search the room but find nothing to snack on. The guys must have cleared the food they left for me yesterday. Fuck! I mentally curse myself. I should’ve eaten when I had the chance. Now I’ll have to sneak to the kitchen without being seen.

I crack open the bedroom door and peek my head out, listening for any sounds to locate the guys, but I don’t hear anything. I tiptoe across the hall to head downstairs in search of food. Taking one step at a time, I walk down the stairs, growing lightheaded from the lack of food in my system along with the physical exertion my body is no longer used to. I need to stop and take a moment, so I don’t pass out.

It’s been months since I’ve walked more than a few feet, and my body feels the effects of my time in captivity. My muscles are weak, I’m already panting from exertion, and my energy is so low, I can barely walk without needing a break. God, I’m so pathetic.

I finally get to the bottom of the stairs and make my way to the kitchen, trying to move as silently as possible, so the guys don’t hear me. I don’t want them to think me leaving my room is an invitation for them to talk to me. Just because I came downstairs doesn’t magically make everything better.

I still hate them, and myself, for allowing me to be taken. Nothing will change that. Walking to the cupboard, I search the contents and find crackers and a Pop-Tart to munch on. I should probably pack some of this up to take with me when I leave. Who knows where my next source of food will come from.

After grabbing snacks and water, I slowly make my way back to my room. I hate calling it my room, but it was before everything happened. It’s not my room anymore though. Everything and everyone in this house have become strangers to me. It’s crazy to think, when just four months ago, I was madly in love with three men. But now, I’m hollow, just a shell of who I used to be.

Chapter 10

Knox

After finding Meadow naked on the bathroom floor and exchanging a few words, I went to my office. I heard her shower turn on and off, but I didn’t hear any other noises from her room, and I panicked that something bad happened. I didn’t even think twice when I picked her up; I just needed the comfort of holding her.

Seeing Meadow’s scars when we first brought her home stabbed another hole in my heart. I hate that my failures caused her pain. That’s why I didn’t go and see her when she first wokeup here. I couldn’t face the possibility she would look at me with hated for what I couldn’t prevent.

I knew placing her on the floor would make her feel more comfortable, as I’d been doing some research on PTSD patients. If she’d grown used to sleeping on the floor, she wouldn’t be able to sleep on the bed because it’s too soft. It’s the same for those in the military when they take leave or return home from deployment. I’m trying to help, and I know she needs time, but there is only so much waiting a man can do before going crazy.

Her words filled with hate and venom hit me so hard that I had to walk away before I said something I would regret. And when I got to my office, after shutting the door, I may have smashed some shit. It’s a good thing this room is mostly soundproof, so I don’t scare Meadow with the noise. Needing to release some pent-up anger, I head to our home gym with hopes that punching a bag will get my mind off the girl upstairs shredding me to pieces.

My gloved hands make a thumping noise every time I connect with the bag, my muscles aching with exertion. Sweat drips down my body, and I love it because with every hit to the bag, the anger slowly leaves my body. From the corner of my eye, I notice Aidan walking toward me, and I stop my assault, so I can pay attention to him. With a quick nod, he comes closer and inspects me from head to toe, searching for something; I’m not sure what, though.

“What are you doing? You’ve been down here for over an hour,” Aidan asks.

“What does it look like I’m fucking doing, Aidan? I’m working out,” I snap. Maybe I shouldn’t have, but he asked a stupid fucking question.

“Obviously, you’re working out, asshole. I have eyes. Why are you beating the shit out of a bag when you’re clearly exhausted?” He rolls his eyes at me.

“Because of Meadow, okay! I don’t know how to fix her, and I can’t handle that. She’s broken because of me,” I say, my voice breaking, giving away the pain I’ve tried to keep inside.

---