Page 11 of Surviving the Darkness

“Listen to me, Knox, and listen well. Meadow had a stalker, and we as a family didn’t take the threat as seriously as we should have, but that doesn’t make it your fault. None of this is on your shoulders,” Aidan sternly says.

He can say that because he isn’t the leader, but I failed her; I failed everyone, and she was the one to suffer for it. I tried to plan everything out, and I still let her down. I can handle leading the gang, but when it comes to the love of my life? I’m as clueless as can be. My actions caused me to lose her once, when we were eighteen, and I lost her again because I wasn’t prepared to protect her. I look at Aidan, who just stands there, while I recall my failures and debate the ways I could try to fix Meadow.

As Aidan continues to stare at me, I turn and resume my assault on the heavy bag. He can watch me work out if he wants, but I need to release this anger inside of me. My arms burn like they’re on fire, but I can’t stop. I won’t stop. I hear him sigh and then leave, but I don’t look back. I don’t need to see the look of disappointment in his eyes. I can only take so much in one day, and I’m already at my limit.

I finish my workout and head upstairs to take a shower. I barely make it upstairs with how fucking exhausted I am, but my anger is no longer present, at the moment anyway. I walk over to my bed and lie down, huffing out a tired breath. I’m just going to lie here for a minute...

Half an hour later, I’m still lying in bed, too tired to lift my head, knowing I have work to do, but I can’t seem to care or find the motivation to do it. I probably shouldn’t have exerted myself as much as I did, but it’s worth the pain in my muscles. My phone rings, and I groan, turning over to see Michael's name on the screen. Fuck my life. Can’t I just have one day of peace?

“Hello, Father,” I answer with disdain.

“Knox, I haven’t heard from you in a while. A little birdy told me you got Meadow back. How unfortunate. But, now that she’s back, it’s time to set your priorities straight and marry Maeve. I think we’ve postponed long enough, and it is your duty to this family,” Michael says. “What the fuck are you talking about? I told you four months ago that I wouldn’t marry her, so get that out of your fucking head. My duty to this family doesn’t involve marrying someone I don’t even like. If I marry, it will be out of love,” I spit out at him.

I do my best to ignore the comment about Meadow because I can’t murder him right now. I’ll need a plan, and I want to wait until Meadow is better to exact revenge. Michael says something else about me always being a disappointment and rather than listen to him ,I plan all the ways I want to torture and kill him. When I can’t listen to him anymore, I hang up. God, I can’t wait to kill him, I think with a smile on my face.

Chapter 11

Aidan

Watching Knox hurt himself is killing me, and there is nothing I can do to fix it. No amount of sex will change his mind. Deep down he knows it wasn’t his fault that Meadow was taken, but Michael has caused so much damage that Knox can’t see through the self-hatred instilled in his brain.

I have to walk away from him in the gym because I can’t watch the man I love beat himself up. I know he carries a lot on his shoulders, but he isn’t alone. We are a family, and we deal with things together. I need to find a way to show Knox that we are in this together, and he can count on us. Before Meadow was taken,we were slowly moving as one, and now our family is falling apart, piece by piece.

Anytime I think of how defeated Knox looked when he told me it was his fault, I feel my heart breaking. I feel pain from my chest all the way down to my legs at the agony in his voice. He really believes it’s because of him that Meadow got kidnapped and tortured, but it wasn’t. Some sick fuck latched onto Meadow for some reason and stalked her to the point he couldn’t stay away any longer. We expected the stalker to try and grab her, but we made the mistake of assuming he was working alone. We weren’t prepared for him to bring friends to help, and that was our fault; a mistake that could very well cost us everything.

Sometime during the months that Meadow was missing, our family splintered apart. Michael continually insisted that Knox get married, and he refused to allow his men to join in the search for Meadow. Phoenix distanced himself from us and barely spoke while she was gone. Knox became ruthless, more so than ever before, and I focused on what I could control, which wasn’t much. Our family broke the moment we got the call from Jace regarding Meadow and Skylar. Maybe now that Meadow is back home, we can begin fix everything that’s broken within our family.

Sighing, I shake myself out of the memories of those days, when we were helpless. I head to the kitchen and busy myself with making something to eat. Maybe Meadow will come out of her room if she smells food. I'm hoping my food can help heal some of her broken heart. Maybe I should make dessert as well; I mean no one can say no to cookies.

During the months of searching for Meadow, I found that baking helped release some of my stress, and I made an abundance of everything. I think it was because I was trying to fill a void in my heart. Whatever the reason, I found being in the kitchen helps heal my soul a little bit at a time. The smellof spices permeates the air as I mix the ingredients for chicken lemon pasta. The food is probably a little heavy for Meadow, but this was one of her favorites, and I hope to lure her out with it.

A small amount of hope bubbles in my chest at the sound of footsteps making their way down the stairs, but that hope vanishes when Phoenix comes into the kitchen. Nodding in greeting, I put the finishing touches on dinner and bring the food to the dining room, so we can eat dinner as a family again. Knox walks in looking awful; his eyes are puffy, and he looks like he can barely move his arms, but he says ‘hello’ as if nothing is wrong. We can all see how badly he is hurting, but I don’t want to ruin dinner tonight by bringing up shit that he will get mad about.

Meadow’s seat remains empty as we quietly finish our meal. She never came down, and my hope of seeing her vanishes in an instant. I may just leave food out on the counter for her to sneak down later. I heard her the other night but never said anything to the guys. I know she doesn’t want to see us, but she’s going to have to get over that. She is our girl, and that won't ever change.

The guys and I venture into the living room, looking for some normalcy now that Meadow is back. Our lives were turned upside down for months, and now we need to find a new normal. I sit on the soft couch cushions, letting them mold around my body. I relax and realize I haven’t felt this good in a while. Phoenix turns on the cop TV show he loves so much, and my heart beats faster. I look over at him and notice he is wearing a loose-fitted, dark-blue tank top and workout shorts. The man is effortlessly good looking, and my cock thickens just at the sight of him.

No, down boy. It’s not the time to be horny. I focus on the show in front of me, trying to will away the growing erection in my shorts. We still have yet to talk about what happened between us. I don’t know if it was a one-time thing or somethinghe wants to pursue further, but I’m down. I think bringing him into the fold will be good for all of us. It’ll allow Phoenix to express all the things he’s been keeping bottled inside, and we can show him how much we care for him.

I don’t know how Knox truly feels about the situation, but if I’m correct, he would love to have him join us. Phoenix has always been a flirt, and I frequently suspected he had something more underneath his skin, but I never could truly figure out if he wanted us, or he was just horny and in need of a release after hearing Knox and me fucking.

We’re very passionate when it comes to sex, so I don’t blame him for wanting to join; hell, if I was outside looking in, I would have said something as well. I just wish Meadow would join us, but I know that isn’t going to happen for a while. She needs time. I look over at Knox and see he’s staring at Phoenix from the corner of his eye. I wonder if he’s thinking the same thing I am.

Knox must have felt my stare because he looks directly at me and smiles. I grin because when that man smiles, it does something to my insides. His smile alone gets me hard because it doesn’t happen often, and I soak it up every chance I can. I peek at Phoenix, and Knox nods in understanding.

“So, Phoenix, can we talk about the other night? I just want to see where your head is at,” I say.

Phoenix straightens and blushes a little. “Umm, sure... yeah, we can talk about it.”

“Are you okay with everything that happened?” I ask.

“Yea, I spent some time thinking about it. I never thought I was into men, but the signs were there. I don’t know if it’s men in general, but I know I like you two. Is that okay with you guys? I don’t want to get in between you two.” Phoenix looks between Knox and me.

“Yes, it’s more than okay with me. I know this is new for you, so if you want to continue, we’ll go at your speed. I don’t wantto make you uncomfortable. We are a family, and I don’t want to lose you, so if at any time you think it isn’t for you, please tell me,” I respond with a chuckle.

He nods, meanwhile Knox has yet to say anything. I glance over at him and raise an eyebrow, trying to get him to say something. He sees me and sighs. Phoenix is the most sensitive of us three, and I don’t want to make him feel like an outsider. I know I’m a growly asshole most of the time, but I’m learning that communication is key to a relationship, especially after the disaster with Meadow back when I was still boxing. I gave it up for her, and it was the best decision of my life.

“I don’t mind if you want to explore your feelings with us, just know that I’m a dominant bastard, and I’m not a patient man, most of the time. I’ll try to take it slow, but I can’t promise anything,” Knox finally says, and the relief I feel is palpable.

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