Page 15 of Conflict

It’s Rachel’s turn to be astounded now, “Hang on a minute, let’s just rewind that. You said, and I quote, Jamie kissed you and when he realised what he’d done and stopped, you grabbed him and kissed him again. Am I right? Yes, I am. That’s exactly what you said, so I count that as two kisses. Not one.” She gives me the side eye, daring me to argue with her. “See, that’s practically a full-blown relationship in my world. It’s more than I’ve had in months, anyway.” Rachel looks wistful, obviously casting her mind back to a more fruitful time in her recent memory. There’s a comfortable silence as we both finish our lunch and I ask the waiter for the bill. As Rachel gathers her things and we prepare to leave, my phone beeps, alerting me to a message.

Hey, I’m back. You busy? Thought we could hang out. I’ve missed you the last couple of days.

My cheeks flush a little and a smile nudges its way onto my lips. I haven’t deliberately avoided him since the kiss, but I haven’t actively sought him out either. Yes, we’ve texted each other but it’s all been strictly how you doing kind of messages. I guess I’ve been worried that he’d decided the whole kissing thing was a huge mistake. A dumb idea that he wanted to forget had ever happened. I think by not contacting him I’ve been trying to let him decide what it is he wants. My fingers fly across the screen, typing out a response.

Hi, just finishing lunch with Rach, should be home in an hour.

I toss my phone inside my bag and stand from the table. “Loverboy, is it?” Rachel asks with the cheekiest grin. The flush in my cheeks turns into a full-on blush. “I bloody knew it!” We make our way to the exit. When we step on the pavement Rachel links her arm through mine and we head back to the carpark. “Seriously though, what are going to do? I mean, it’sJay. growing up, you lot were like the three amigos, and now, well now-” the rest of the sentence hung heavy in the air.

“I think you’re overthinking it; it was just a kiss. There may never be another one, it was a very heat of the moment kinda thing. Maybe we should just leave it at that,” I’ve replayed that kiss a million times in my head since it happened. Going over every single aspect of it, picking it apart with a fine-tooth comb. Had I misread the situation, had I dived in when I should have walked away? Every possible outcome had entered my head at some point. To be honest, I felt a little stupid.

Rachel clicked the button on her key fob, unlocking her car, “Okay, well you just keep telling yourself that. Give him a kiss from me,” she climbed in the car as she spoke, but I didn’t miss the glint in her eyes. “A platonic one I mean. You can have all the other ones!” She did a little shudder, like the idea of kissing Jamie repulsed her.

“Stop it!” I laughed as she closed the car door.

As I drove the short journey home my phone rang. Rachel’s name lit up my hands-free screen. With a smirk, I pressed the button to answer her call. “You deserve to be happy, I just wanted to tell you that in case you were doubting yourself. If Jamie makes you happy, I’m all in, but please be careful. You’ve both been through a lot and he’s not exactly stable right now, and I love you. Plus, I’d have to end him if he hurts you.”

The indicator blinked as I turned into my street, pulling up outside my parent’s house. “You’re not going to have to end anyone, but I appreciate the sentiment. Oh, and I love you too, thanks for lunch. It was exactly what I needed.” I ended the call and headed inside the house. Mum and Dad were sat at the kitchen table when I entered. Mum was flicking through her magazine, while Dad studied the crossword. I leaned in kiss them both, “Four down; the ability to pay your bills.” I pointed out the question to Dad. “Solvent.”

“I’ve struggled with that one, thank you.” His pen made a scratching noise as he filled in the answer, crossing off the question from the list. “How was Rachel? We haven’t seen her since the funeral,” Dad laid his pen on the table, pulling out the chair next to him for me to sit down. “You picked a nice day for it. Might as well make the most of your last few days off. Are you looking forward to getting back to work?” Work. Was I ready, no. But I knew it was time, I couldn’t laze around the house forever. The routine was probably what I needed more than anything, and I missed the team.

“It’ll be strange but yeah, I think so. Can’t put it off forever,” I pulled the newspaper over slightly so I could see the questions. Crosswords were our thing; I have fond memories of weekend mornings helping Dad with them. He used to make out he didn’t know the answers, we’d dig the dictionary out and he’d teach me how to use it. I loved searching out the words I couldn’t spell or didn’t know the meaning of. My love of reading and all things wordy comes from my dad. I have a lot to thank him for. My job at the local paper is thanks to him and my love of writing.

Dad filled in another answer, “How’s Jamie? Pat told your mum he’s on the mend.” I took the pen from my father’s fingers and filled in another clue. “He’s going to therapy, isn’t he?”

“I don’t know if on the mend is the right way to put it but yeah, he seems to be doing a little better. He’s been at therapy today, in fact he texted earlier, he’s going to pop over in a bit,” I studied the crossword again, trying to figure out the clue to six across.

Mum pushed her chair away from the table, heading over to put the kettle on. “Best make a pot then, one cup is never enough for that boy,” she chuckled as she dragged the teapot from the cupboard and dropped in the teabags. As if he could smell the kettle being filled, Jamie knocked on the kitchen window before letting himself in to my family home. He’d not come through thefront door since we were nine years old. He’d knocked that first time and asked if Tom was coming out to play, ever since then he’d let himself in through the kitchen door. Mum pulled him into her usual hug, planting a firm kiss on his cheek. Dad stood to shake his hand, “It’s so good to see you,” my dad clapped Jamie on the shoulder. “Julia’s just brewing up a pot of tea.” Dad reached for the cups as Jamie took a seat at the table beside me. “See if you can answer any more of those bloody crossword clues, will you? Scarlett and me are struggling with the last few.”

“Erm, speak for yourself!” I still pushed the paper across for Jamie to have a look. “But here, knock yourself out, Jay.” I laughed as he tried to look like he had any chance of getting one of the answers, let alone finish it. Seconds later, he gave up, closed the paper and threw his arm across the back of my chair. I felt a little hot and flustered as he pulled me into him and kissed my temple.

“How was Rach?” he asked. There might as well have just been the two of us in the room, every single one of my senses was honed in on the man sitting next to me. I studied him, taking in every fleck of gold that laced the most amazing brown eyes. The curve of his lips tipped up in an enquiring smile, prompting me to answer his question.

“Rachel was very Rachelish!” Laughter bursts from both of us, “You know what I mean, I didn’t get a word in once she’d started talking. But no, she’s good. She told me to say hi,” a cheesy grin split my face in two as Jamie discreetly ran his fingertips along the back of my arm. Goosebumps sprang against my skin.

“Are you getting sick?” Mum placed the teapot in the middle of the table. “You shivered and you’ve gone all goosey. Scarlett, it’s twenty degrees outside today, you shouldn’t be cold.” Worry etched my mother’s brow and I scrambled to reassure her I wasfine as embarrassment stained my cheeks. “You’re flushed too.” Jamie chuckled and I hid my face behind a veil of hair.

Dad was on the ball though, “Julia, why don’t we leave these two to it? We need to pop to the supermarket anyway. Didn’t you want to pick up a few things?” Dad winked at me slyly, I smiled gratefully. He always had my back. “I’ll even throw in a posh coffee at the café.” He held out his hand for my mother, indicating it was time for them to leave.

I mouthed a silent thank you as they headed out of the house. Once the door had clicked audibly closed, Jamie leaned in and took my chin between his thumb and forefinger. “You sure you’re not coming down with something,” he smirked. Our lips were barely centimetres apart. I nibbled on my bottom lip, pulling it inwards as I shook my head. “Good, because I want to do this,” his lips brushed gently over mine, his tongue tenderly licked across the seam, begging for more. I opened slightly to allow him to explore a little further. Teasingly, his teeth nipped along my lower lip before he pulled back ever so slightly. My eyelids drifted open, allowing me to commit the moment to memory.

“Hi,” my voice was barely above a whisper as I’d been transported back to my teenage years and the thoughts and feelings of my first ever kiss with Freddie Granger in the school gym, only to be sprung by Tom who never let me forget it. This time the feelings were real, and heartfelt, and there was nobody around to destroy the moment.

Jamie’s hand slipped around the back of my neck, pulling me in to his embrace again. “Hey,” his lips smashed against mine. He was practically bursting with testosterone, his ever-present five o’clock shadow grazed her chin. Jeez, the man could kiss.

CHAPTER 21

JAMIE

Ithought they’d never leave. As much as I adore Julia and Tom, the need to be with Scarlett is a little overwhelming. The urge to have her all to myself far outweighed anything I’d ever felt before. She’s gazing up at me with the most amazing steel grey eyes. The sexy quirk of her full lips so potent that it’s all I could do not to pull her into my lap and devour her. Over the last few days, I’d replayed our first kiss over and over again in my mind so many times that there seemed to be some kind of magnetic pull imbedded within my lips. My hands slip around Scarlett’s waist, almost pulling her from her seat. I need to feel all of her. All of this is very new to me, these feelings towards Scarlett are exciting and scary all at the same time. I don’t want to presume anything, but I hope this can be the start of something epic. That was a discussion we’d need to have soon, but right now, all I needed was this. The closeness, the intimacy and the feeling of being exactly where I needed to be were all helping to heal my soul.

Scarlett broke the kiss first, reluctantly I allowed her to put a little distance between us, but I kept a hand on her waist, my thumb rubbing her side ever so gently as she took a breath. Her hand came to rest on my thigh, as she looked upat me through those sinful lashes. “What are we doing?” The inevitable question was thrown out on a whisper as she chewed the inside of a cheek. She looked adorable, but her vulnerability shone through. “I mean, what’s the expectation here?” The soul-searching was palpable between us, the air becoming heavier by the second. The last thing I want is for Scarlett to feel uncomfortable.

On a sigh, I squeeze her waist tenderly. “Come here,” I pull her gently, urging her to take up the space on my lap. Scarlett moves willingly, settling herself on my knees. My arms wrap tightly around her, trying with everything I had to make her feel safe. “There are no expectations of anything on my behalf. This can be whatever you want it to be,” reaching up, I tucked her hair behind her ear, exposing her beautiful features. I never want her to feel like she needs to hide from me. “If you never want me to kiss you again, that’s fine,” Scarlett studied me, silently urging me to carry on. “But I hope to God, that’s not what you want. Because more than anything else, I want to kiss you over and over again, but if you want everything to go back to how things have always been, I’m down with that.” I want so much more, but this has to be Scarlett’s decision. I’m well aware of how conflicted I feel, given that Tom’s not here for me to get his blessing. I can only imagine that the same issues are weighing heavy on her mind too.

Scarlett’s arms come to rest on my shoulders, her fingers running through my hair sends shivers down my back. Now I’m the one with goosebumps. “I don’t want the kisses to stop. The shift was unexpected but that doesn’t mean this isn’t something that I want,” her hand comes to rest on my cheek as she looks at in earnest. “But I’m worried that this is all some kind of reaction to losing Tom. That maybe, in a few weeks you’ll regret all of this and I’m not sure I’d recover from that,” she pauses for breath and I see the fear and confusion in her eyes. “I’m scared, Jay.”

My heart clenches and I wrap my arms even tighter around her, bringing her closer still. I lean in and kiss her forehead tenderly. “You don’t have to be scared. I never want to lose the connection we have; I understand what you’re saying though,” she’s dropped her head to my shoulder and I’m worried she’ll be able to feel my nerves and racing heart. “Hey, look at me,” with my fingertips beneath her chin, I lift her head so I can look into her eyes as I speak. “I never want to lose you, but I know there’s no guarantees in this world. The last few weeks have proved that, if nothing else. They’ve also shown me that I have feelings for you that go much deeper than our friendship.” Scarlett visibly relaxes and her hands cup my face. Her eyes sparkle as she listens raptly. I can’t hold back my smile. “Why don’t we just see where this goes? We can go at your pace and see how it pans out.”

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