Page 139 of Ten Mountain Men

I nod, though I don’t know how much longer I can last. I want to memorize every second of this. I focus on the feel of her skin against mine, the way her breath quickens a bit each time she comes down on me, the quiet moans she makes. And when I finally reach the peak, it’s like an avalanche crashing over me, burying me alive, and all I can do is hold on to her for dear life.

“Thank you,” I whisper into her hair, my voice thick with all the things I’ll never get to say to her.

Her eyes shimmer with more tears that fall onto her cheeks. I brush them away with my thumbs. I want to always be the one to brush those tears away, but I won’t be.

“Thank you, Buck. For trusting me with this. For trusting me at all, after…”

“Don’t,” I tell her. “Please don’t. I forgive you, Goldie. We all make mistakes.”

“You better get back,” she tells me when she finally lifts herself off of me. The loss I feel is immense.

I watch in silence as she dresses, each piece of clothing a reminder that our time together is ending. With every button, every zipper, a piece of my heart feels like it’s being taken away.

“I’m supposed to get you back to your car,” I remind her.

“You don’t need to,” she says. “I promise. I’ll leave and I won’t come back. Just throw the tent away, or keep it, or whatever.”

It’s the saddest damn thing I’ve ever heard.

“I don’t suspect I’ll need it again. I don’t see any camping in my future.”

And that’s the second saddest damn thing I’ve ever heard.

Finally, fully dressed and ready to go, she whispers, “Goodbye, Buck. Take care of yourself, okay? And I know it’s damn unfair of me to say, but I did fall in love with you.”

I watch her walk out of the tent, the flap falling closed behind her. And just like that, she’s gone.

I lie there for a long moment, the scent of her still lingering in the air. I feel different, changed somehow, like a part of me is missing. But I wouldn’t trade this for anything. Not the pain, not the heartache. Because for one brief moment, I had her. And that’s something I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life.

“I fell in love with you too,” I whisper.

As I step outside, already the mountain seems quieter, emptier without her.

Chapter 46

Hunter

The cabin’s crowded as ever tonight, but damn, it feels empty. As we put the beds back in their original places, it’s like everything is supposed to go back to normal. Like we’re supposed to just forget Goldie was ever here. But I can’t forget, and I know the others can’t either.

It’s like we’re in mourning, not like after Pa died, but a little like when Ma couldn’t take being here anymore shortly after Luke came back from the big cave. With him here to care for us, she got a tiny cottage down in the village. She hasn’t come back up here since. Her chair at the table had been empty since, until Goldie stumbled into our lives. And now, with Goldie gone, that damn chair is empty again.

Maybe we should move it up to the attic, where Pa’s chair is, in Luke’s room. We moved it up there because while Ma was still living here, it hurt her too much to see it without him sitting in it.

Goldie managed to change everything in just a few days. Now, it’s just…back to the same old, same old. Except it’s not. There’s this Goldie-shaped hole in the center of all of us. I suspect even in Luke, though he’ll never admit it. He’s locked himself up in the attic, refusing to come down for supper, which he told us to make our fucking selves.

I really don’t get it. He didn’t want her here in the first place. Why the hell does he seem the most messed up about her leaving?

I finish my food in silence, but the taste is off. Maybe it’s just because the rest of us are shit cooks, but everything feels bland now. When dinner’s over, I take my time cleaning up, keeping my hands busy because it keeps my mind from wandering to all the ways I wish things could be different.

No one even gathers in the living room to read after dinner. Everyone heads to bed, leaving me alone in the kitchen until I can’t stand the stillness for another second.

I head out to the workshop and grab a few of the sculptures I’ve been working on. Owls. Might as well take them down to the ol’Piney Grove Trading Post and General Store,drop ’em off for Ma to sell. Ma always knows how to talk sense into us. Maybe she’ll have some advice for dealing with Luke. Though I can’t imagine she’ll be happy with us for getting tangled up with a city girl.

The walk down the mountain is quiet, the kind of quiet that would normally feel peaceful, but tonight it just makes everything feel more empty. When I get to the shop, Ma’s at the counter, going over inventory like she does every night. She looks up when the bell rings, raising an eyebrow when she sees me.

“Hunter,” she says, a flicker of curiosity in her gaze. “What brings you down here at this hour? Everything alright up on the mountain?”

I set the sculptures on the counter. “Thought I’d drop these off. Just finished ’em up.”

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