Page 101 of Royally Drawn

“That’s not true.”

“Alexandra says Ingrid is convinced she’s unlovable. And I think, sadly, you’re convinced of the same.”

My aunt was tender now. She understood something no one else did.

“Your father wouldn’t like this. He’d love Ingrid. They are so very similar in many ways.”

She was right.

“Ingrid has the biggest heart,” I sighed. “She lives to live, and she’s stupidly brave.”

“Yes. It’s a little wild, but in a good way. She loves her family hard. But so do you. And I thought for a moment I saw a glimmer of you opening up.”

“I am not strong enough to survive. When Alexandra was sick… I lost it. You weren’t there. Ingrid was frightened, but all I could think about was losing her. I couldn’t even support her in that moment. Faced with a choice between staying with my wife or going with the baby—like Rick was—I couldn’t imagine seeing my child. I wouldn’t want to. Ingridwasthat child. And I realised I wouldn’t be capable of loving a child, so I shouldn’t have one.”

“Are you done with your ridiculous mental gymnastics now? Your feelings are your own, but… that’s a trauma response. It doesn’t mean you won’t be a good father. When your mother almost died giving birth to the twins, I had to force your father to see them. I stayed with her. They needed him. I don’t think he regretted one day that I’d forced his hand there, nor did your mother.”

I took a deep breath. “You don’t understand what life was like for Mamma after that. How she was.”

“I do. Because she wouldn’t let me in for ages. I don’t blame her, but it made work difficult. She did everything to protect you all—even from very irrational things. And I am sure I would have been the same in her position, Keir. But I do recall.”

“It broke her. I wouldn’t survive. I’m not strong like her.”

“You learn to survive,” Aunt Natalie said. “Mummy buried her first husband before she was thirty. She buried her son in her sixties. It broke her, but she survived. She still loved us. And… you find a way. Do you think your mother would have preferred never to love your father?”

I never asked—never even thought to.

“Maybe take some time to think about what you want, huh? And maybe talk to your mother about it? Because you’re spinning your wheels and potentially missing out on the best thing you ever had, Keir. I almost lost your uncle when he found out we couldn’t have kids. He momentarily thought it best to leave me and let me find someone else.”

“But it wasn’t.”

“No. Because people aren’t replaceable, you can’t swap out one groom for another. We aren’t cake toppers, Keir. In our case, all I needed at that moment was him. Because he was my person—the only one I wanted in the world. So, we figured it out together, and we’ve been stunningly happy for thirty more years. If you cannot imagine a life without Ingrid, you must ask yourself whatyoumust do to be the person she needs to runto.”

“Why do you care?”

My aunt put her hands on my shoulders.

“Because I love you. And because when I see you happy, it reminds me I haven’t completely fucked all of you up in this process. I think you do love this girl. Just pray another prince from some godforsaken country doesn’t roll up on her while you’re away. And then when you get back, make it right.”

“I can call her?—”

“This is not a call-and-grovel situation,” my aunt said. “It’s one forgrand gestures. It would be best if you grew up a bit. Until you can articulate what would make things work for the two of you—and how I can help—it’s best you give her space. You have less than twenty-four hours before you land in bloody Cyprus, yeah?”

I nodded. “But what if it is all fucked up? “

“Well, then, you have disappointed yourself in the worst way. But if she loves you as I expect she does, I think she will still take you back. You both need to self-reflect and grow up in the interim.”

My aunt was usually right. She sometimes sucked with emotions but also loved hard. I knew if she told me to do better, she meant I needed to think about things. In the past, when I’d hit a professional or personal wall, her advice was sound. I loved my aunt and trusted her. I would have to sit back and take my lumps.

For now, Ingrid was gone. If I ever wanted her back, I’d need to be sure as hell I did and prove that she should accept me again.

Reeling

INGRID

“You’ve got to get up and move,” Odette said.

“Why, so I can watch Parker and Astrid leave all happy for their honeymoon? So, I can dote on the kids while sobbing internally?”

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