Page 74 of Proof

“Starting now,” I murmured against his mouth before lifting my head. JJ’s eyes lit up as his smile grew.

“Okay, maybe notever,” I amended when he licked a small part of his upper lip. The move could have been innocent but based on the fire in his eyes, I highly doubted it. My dick doubted it too. “Fine,” I relented. “Five minutes.” I wondered if I’d even beableto go that long without tasting him.

JJ lifted his free arm and made the motion to signify he was zipping his lips and throwing away the key. I couldn’t stop myself from running my thumb over his tantalizing mouth. “One minute,” I bit out before I cupped his cheek and stroked my thumb over his cheekbone. “You were right about the things you said in the cabin. About needing to let you go. About needing to mourn.”

Just like that, the smile was gone and JJ stiffened.

“New rule,” I quickly said before I kissed him hard. Hard, deep, and searching. Promising. When we both came up for air, I croaked, “Every time that beautiful mind of yours begins to doubt me or yourself, my mouth is going to bring you back to the spot it needs to be so you’ll hear my words.”

“That’s not much of a punishment,” JJ responded with a grin as his body relaxed.

“No, but this will be,” I said with a smile of my own just before I ran my hand along the hard-on he was sporting. A layer of denim kept his cock strangled behind the material.

“Oh God,” he whimpered as he tipped his head back. I gave him a couple more rubs before I pulled my hand back.

“No,” JJ cried out. He immediately tried to push his hips forward, but since I had my free hand wrapped around one of them, he couldn’t move the way he wanted.

I leaned forward and teased the shell of his ear with a soft kiss that ended in a gentle tug of my teeth. “I can keep this up all night, sweetheart,” I whispered before I ran my hand along his cock a single time.

Instead of answering me out loud, JJ nodded fiercely. His body was strung up with tension, but the good kind.

“Everyone says prison changes you and they’re absolutely right,” I began.

The lust disappeared from his eyes but was quickly replaced with such raw intensity that it actually made my next wordscatch in my throat. JJ wasn’t just going to listen to me, he wasgoing tohearme. How long had it been since someone had done that for me? How many times had I wished for someone, anyone, to hear me?

I dropped my eyes for a moment as I tried to get control of myself. I’d planned for this to be a simple, dismissive narrative, but knowing I was being heard by the one person I’d been calling out to for so long hit me hard. I wasn’t about to tellastory. I was about to tellmystory. I wasn’t about to tell it to anyone willing to listen. I was telling it to the one person in my life who made me feel whole. The one person who made it possible for me to step outside the prison cell I’d still mentally been living in.

I pulled in a deep breath and let it out before lifting my eyes to meet JJ’s. “That place fucked me up in ways I still don’t know how to describe. I’ll have to deal with all that shit someday, but not today. If and when I’m ready, it will be on my terms because I already know how fucking painful it’s going to be and I’m not strong enough to go there yet.”

JJ’s eyes shimmered with tears, but he valiantly held them back as he nodded.

“What got me through it was my ability to compartmentalize things. It’s gotten me through a lot of hard times,” I continued. As much as I didn’t want to delve into my past, I had to in order to make JJ understand how I felt about him.

“I was kept here in LA for the trial, so I was in county lockup. When I was convicted, they moved me to the federal prison in Colorado. That’s where things changed. WhereIchanged. When I’m in a better place in my head, I’ll tell you anything you want to know, okay?”

JJ nodded again.

“Right now, though, I’m going to tell you some things that will be hard for you to hear, but I swear to God, sweetheart, I’m not doing it to hurt you,” I explained.

He tensed but held himself straight. “Okay.”

“I never used to believe in that love at first sight bullshit, but the first time I saw you when I came home for good—I don’t know how to describe it,” I said as I held my hands open like they were supposed to somehow be holding the answers.

“I know what it feels like,” JJ said. Both of us had left behind the lighthearted game about kissing and remaining silent. “I don’t know if it was for the first time or second, but it doesn’t matter because itdidhappen. It was when I confronted you for the first time.”

I nodded. He was talking about the day I’d nearly hit him when he’d been standing in the middle of the road. Our confrontation had ended with not just one, but two passionate kisses.

JJ sent me a small, comforting smile that made it a little easier to get past whatever was lodged in my throat, trying to keep the words inside.

“While they were still holding me in jail for the trial, you were the only thing that kept me going. The fact that you’d survived blinded me to everything that was going on around me. I sat in that courtroom all day every day in the hopes that I’d catch a glimpse of you. Even though my lawyer had said you weren’t being called as a witness, I didn’t believe him. All I could focus on was seeing you walk into that courtroom and the first thing you’d do would be make eye contact with me. Then you’d smile and after that it would all be over, and I’d finally get to take you in my arms again.”

A few streaks of moisture slipped down JJ’s cheeks.

“You were my everything, JJ. When you didn’t come… when no one came, you were the hope I clung to night after night, day after day. When I finally accepted that you weren’t coming, you became the target of my hatred and rage. My fear, my loneliness; my need for vengeance, my need for forgiveness… I neededsomeone to focus on every minute of every day in that place to keep me from giving up. Ididblame you for what happened to me.”

“I’m so sorry?—”

I kissed JJ softly. I could taste the saltiness of his tears.

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