Page 55 of Proof

JJ was breathing heavily. I could see him shaking even from where I stood, and there was no missing the sweat that was dotting his brow. My gut was telling me he wasn’t just suffering from the emotional pain I was causing; from the way he kept closing his right eye and holding it shut for a few seconds longer than his other eye, I suspected his head was hurting again.

“JJ, I’m sorry, I just wanted you to discover the truth?—”

“On my own?” he spat. “You wanted me to prove to myself that you weren’t the one who shot me, right? I already figured that out, you fucking piece of shit! I don’t need files or reports to tell me that. Not with the way you kept coming back for me… the way you kept protecting me—saving me! Well, you did it,Cass. You got what you needed. The one living witness, the mostimportantwitness, can now testify on your behalf… the former cop who barely survived being shot in the head telling a jury that he doesn’t believe you shot him or those other people. Even if it isn’t hard evidence, no jury is going to convict a guy whose supposed victim said he didn’t do it?—”

“That’s not what this was about,” I snapped. Anger seeped out of me. “I just wanted?—”

“To getyourJJ back,” he cut in. “You wantedyourprecious fucking JJ back.”

“Damn it, JJ.”

“Shut the fuck up, Cass,” he shouted. He fell silent for a moment as if he was waiting for me to defy the order. I kept my mouth shut because nothing I said was going to get through to him. Not like this.

“I just want to make sure I have this straight in my head—in my broken, useless, piece-of-shit head. You were telling the truth about the night someone else shot me in the head but the second you get out of prison, you don’t explain any of it to me? You let me keep living the lie. What was the fucking point?” JJ asked. He spread out his arms as if he was expecting someone else, anyone else, to answer the question.

“JJ—”

“Truth, Cass,” he said softly. His anger had been snuffed out like a candle only to be replaced with heart-wrenching despair. He didn’t wait for me to respond. “So everything from the moment you got out… thatwasall a lie?”

I began shaking my head violently because I knew what JJ was really asking. “No! The things that happened between us, they were?—”

“Real?” he asked with a little laugh. “How can something be real if someone is living in the dark and no one tells him he needs to turn on the goddamn lights? Tell yourself you did all this forme, Cass, if that’s what makes it easier for you to sleep at night. But we both know you didn’t do this forme. You did this because you wantedyourJJ back. The JJ who exists inyourmemories.”

He didn’t give me a chance to respond. Instead, he turned on his heel and strode back in the direction of the cabin. I stayed where I was as I tried to make sense of JJ’s words. Was he right? Was that why I’d done what I had? Deep down, had I convinced myself that if I just said or did the right thing, I’d get the JJ I’d lost back?

“No,” I said with a shake of my head.

I began walking back to the cabin but concern for JJ had me picking up the pace. His head had been hurting him. What if it kept him from getting safely back to the cabin? Even if he did, his emotional anguish was off the charts.

Thoughts of JJ inadvertently veering off the path or taking one wrong step that would send him rolling down one of the many steep embankments that surrounded the cabin got me running. I was surprised when I didn’t catch up to him before getting back to the cabin. Since he’d been hurting, I hadn’t expected him to be able to put too much distance between us.

The now very real possibility that JJ had gotten hurt somewhere along the trail had me turning around so I could scour it. In the process, my eyes caught on something.

The back door of the cabin was wide open.

I’d closed it behind me when JJ and I had left to go on our walk.

I sprinted to the cabin and rushed inside, fully expecting to find a pain-ridden JJ lying on the floor in one of the rooms.

Hewasin one of the rooms. The living room, to be specific. And he most definitelywasn’ton the floor.

JJ was standing calmly next to the now open wall safe. He had my gun in his hand and, just like the day he’d confronted me on the canyon road, he had it aimed directly at me. But he wasn’tthe same as he’d been that day. He wasn’t afraid now. He wasn’t going off an adrenaline rush.

Despite the sweat dotting his brow and the slight tremble in his free hand, JJ kept the gun pointed at me. I knew he had to be in terrible pain, but he refused to let it show.

“My birthday,” JJ said with disgust as he motioned toward the safe. “Not your birthday, not your grandmother’s, not your mother’s, not even the day you got your fucking car. You usedmybirthday as the code.” He laughed dryly. “Youdidsay it would be in the files.”

“JJ—”

“JJ what?” he barked. “JJ, I can explain. JJ, it’s not what it looks like. JJ, I’m sorry.” His voice cracked a bit at the end, but he didn’t break.

“Whose idea was it?” he snapped as he reached into the safe with his free hand and pulled out the satellite phone. “To follow me. Whose idea was it? Yours or my brother’s?”

I didn’t want to lie to him, but I couldn’t throw Sully under the bus.

“JJ—”

“Stop saying my fucking name!” JJ yelled. He hurled the satellite phone at me. I only caught it out of pure instinct.

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