Page 46 of Love Harder

I made excuses for his shitty behavior because I…I honestly don’t know why.

There were so many times I should have seen Dimples for who he really was. A people pleaser. A coward. A confused young man. A fuckboy.

I still don’t know why he entertained “us” for as long as he did. He was more away than he was home. He wasn’t getting sex, yet he stayed. He continued to insist he was interested and that nothing had changed and that he was coming home to me.

When he flew back out for work, and I didn’t see him—again, I decided to lay it all out on the table. I couldn’t take it. Not again. It was Ghost all over again.

The thing which confuses me is when you come home, you’re MIA. But when away, you’re attentive. Perhaps you’re coming home and someone else is kissing your face; and I get it, it’s been ages since we last saw one another, but for me, when I want someone, I don’t forget to message them, I would let them know about my day, and I would let them know if I’m coming home. (I’m sure you said you were coming home overthe weekend?)Lack of communication is a massive ick. I need it in every aspect—not just in the bedroom. I don’t know if you’re a dog or cat person, or if you can usechopsticks. I don’t know all the random, fun stuff about you which is also important to me to balance out the physical. You may not be a big communicator, and that’s okay. But just tell me that. Long story short, I still want you, it’s just hard when you go quiet. Please just kiss me soon. Promise? x

I’m a dog person and I can’t use chopsticks but you can teach me. I fully understand everything. When I come home I’m exhausted and just want to sleep but I promise I’m coming home to see you in an intimate way sexually and personally. I’m sorry I suck at communicating. I want you. It’s been so much for me with work. It’s all over soon. I promise xx

Again, I wanted to include snippets of what my situationship was like with Dimples because this wasn’t a casual thing for either of us. Well, I didn’t think it was, not when he was sending me messages such as that.

I thought we were good and then once again, he magically appeared home for the weekend without telling me. This was the last time, however.

He was back for good—well, semi-good.

He was back for a week this time and he promised he would see me.

He sent so many voice messages and I could hear he was genuine. It’s one thing to read something, but to hear theemotion in one’s voice—there’s no faking that. In case I was wrong, however, Mötley and Sparkles would hear and read every single thing he sent.

They also had a crush on him and believed him to be sincere.

So with him back, we were all set for a reunion which was months in the making. I was so happy to see him. He sent me a voice message mid-afternoon saying things were hectic at a course he was doing and he hoped he could make it.

My stomach dropped.

Then when my phone rung, I knew what was happening.

He wasn’t coming.

Months of talking.

Months of flirting.

Months of him telling me he’s coming home to me were all fucking lies.

I was sad.

But most of all, I was angry with myself for being so fucking stupid.

I was triggered as this was Mr. J and Ghost all over again.

He begged I be understanding of his situation. That he was under a lot of pressure and that he wanted to see me. He really did, but in the end, he never did.

He flew out—again for work a few days later.

I backed off because honestly, what was the point? And that’s when he sent a message which again, friends, RED FLAG because now, we’re venturing into fuckboy territory.

Hey b x

I’m coming back Wednesday night.

I’m coming to your house.

I want you that bad.

I miss you x

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