Page 18 of Love Harder

What did I do?

All I did was show him love, and in return, he ignored me for weeks, then spied on me, only to unfollow me.

I was hurt.

I cried.

But most of all…I was fucking pissed.

So with my head held high, I sent him one final message.

You promised you’re not the type of guy who sleeps with a girl and then leaves. You promised you’d treat me right ’cause you saw the way your dad treated your mom. You said you’d be my Superman. I am who I said I was. And I thought you were real. But I don’t know what happened between us. Regardless, I hope you find happiness. You deserve it x

I didn’t feel a thing. I was utterly numb.

A day later, he blocked me. But I didn’t care because, guess what, you can block someone in real life—it’s called boundaries.

I didn’t know what to do.

I mourned, I guess.

I spoke to Bunny, Angel, and Mötley—my ride or dies who never once told me to shut up. They listened to me for HOURS upon HOURS. They never said I was better off. Or that I needed to move on. They let me talk and listened because that’s what friends do.

I was lost, and well, I did some reckless things.

I am all for living in the moment, so I don’t regret a thing. But when hurt, I hide. I don’t deal with my emotions because who the fuck wants to deal with those. I built a fortress around myself and watched my kingdom burn to the ground by my own hand.

It was ugly, but I just wanted to feel something other than pain. I wanted to fill the void he left behind, but nothing helped.

I wanted to send him so many texts. It took all my willpower not to go to his work because that would not have achieved anything.

Ghost made his choice, and that choice wasn’t me.

Like Bunny said, unless he lost his vision and his fingers got severed, there’s no excuse for him not to text or call. He chose that option. He chose to ignore me when he knew it would hurt me.

But he didn’t care.

I wishIdidn’t, but I did.

I looked for him in other men, but no one could compare. I was broken, so damn broken, I didn’t know how to be unbroken.

I hated it.

I was taught to be strong.

I was raised to never quit.

But so many days, I wanted to give up.

All love did was hurt me. But I guess I hurt myself by choosing the men that I do.

But Ghost was different, wasn’t he?

You’ve read his messages. Would you have seen through his lies?

But I couldn’t believe he was lying. It couldn’t have not been real. Of course, he felt everything he said he did, right?

Wrong…

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