Page 19 of Love Harder

His actions proved who he was. He was a coward. He would rather hide in the shadows than live in the light because he was scared.

I was faced with endless possibilities, and this is why ghosting is a horrible thing to do to another human being in the dating world.

Being a ghostee, I can highly say I do not recommend.

I felt like a ghost; barely here nor there. Perhaps the term coined for such an event is an appropriate one after all.

I invested so much time and energy into someone who thought it was okay to stop talking just because. He wasn’t worth it, I knew that, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. The more I tried, the angrier and sadder I became.

My emotions were like a yo-yo because I literally could change in a breath. Or feel both at the same time. I was fighting with myself, with my mind. I felt like I was going insane. To take that power away from someone is cruel. Not to mention, that’s just weak.

But I didn’t want to believe he wasn’t who he said he was because, what did that say about me? I needed to forget him, but I couldn’t.

He haunted my waking hours, and when I tried to sleep, he became my nightmare. I couldn’t escape him. I was helpless to my mind, which wouldn’t rest until I was driven insane.

I sank to my lowest point and fell into a darkness which I never thought I’d ever pull myself from. Those were scary times.

But then, something happened, something which I like to believe was the universe talking to me…and making sure I listened this time.

I wasn’t looking, but he found me.

And his name—his name was Switzerland.

I knew I couldn’t keep him, but he stayed with me for as long as he could.

He too was guarded because he was leaving me in nine weeks to live in another country—forever.

Like forever, forever.

This was another heartbreak in the works, but I don’t do easy. But the thing with Switzerland is that he was. If he wasn’t leaving, I would have kept him as my always because he was kind but bossy, talented, determined, strong, and HOT. And unlike any man I have ever been with before, he was real.

Writing about him is bittersweet because I always wonder what could have eventuated between us. But he was the sensible one, the one who drew the line and said we should limit how much we saw one another to save ourselves the heartache when he left.

He was right, but it didn’t mean it didn’t suck.

So, I lowered my walls and opened my heart, and although broken, I let Switzerland in. And you know what happened?

I was happy for a little while.

Even though our time always came with an expiration date, I made the most of this unique connection with an extraordinary man who caught me off guard. I had bursts of happiness when I was with Switzerland. He made things…normal.

And I felt safe in his arms.

Ghost was becoming a distant memory, right?

Well, almost, but you didn’t think this would end in a happily ever after, did you?

There was no way Ghost was getting away with ghosting me. The longer I thought about it, the more unsettled I grew. And that grew and grew. It festered and festered like a cystic pimple until one day…

PLOT TWIST.

Ghost wasn’t a ghost anymore…

Switzerland came out of nowhere, which is ironic, considering the impact he was about to make.

I didn’t tell anyone about him at first because I didn’t even know what to say. But it was only three days of talking before we met. There was something about Switzerland I liked.

Perhaps it was because he made it clear early on that he didn’t play games. He went after what he wanted, and it was apparent he was a complete alpha.

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