Page 15 of Love Harder

I was blinded by his words, but the signs were there—I just didn’t want to see them. I wanted to believe he would heal and we could do that together. But the cracks were starting to show.

I was Ghost’s first relationship after his marriage ended. This wouldn’t end well.

Yet I stuck in there because I wanted him. I meant every word I said to him.

One night, I asked him a simple question:What’s the catch?Because he was too good to be true.

That just might be my objective here—to put you in your place. Young guy destroys successful book author. I like that a lot. Hahaha, there’s no catch. I’m just trying to find my person, and you, miss, are ticking quite a lot of boxes. You’re gorgeous, small, ambitious, confident, and funny. I love all those qualities. I like the energy you give off. Mine is slowly feeding on it. It’s getting its taste.

I didn’t know what to say. Ghost left me speechless. But I tried to express how I felt.

Foranauthor, I really suck when trying to findtheright words to reply to you at times. You leave me breathless in every single way. And you’ve thrown me on my ass—both literally and figurativelyI wasn’t lookingforyou, but here you are, making me think about you more than I should. You’re incredibly special, and I am so hooked on youYes, you’reanamazing kisser and so damn hot, but that is a small part of what I lookfor. It’s alltheother things I am hooked on which kill me. I’m not sure what it all means…as I’m not sure what you’re lookingforin terms of what you’re lookingforin me. But I never want any pressure between us. Ever xHaveanamazing night. Be safe. And only if you wanted, please slap any girl who touches you from meI miss you. I miss your mouth xx

And his reply, his reply was by far the most heartfelt anyone, ANYONE had ever sent me.

You’re so beautiful and kind…I love the way you talk to me. It’s so mature and sexy. I feel glad that I can leave you speechless. I literally just try to be myself always. Be hooked on me because I’m hooked on you. I want to fuck you into submission and cuddle you back to health. I’m not sure what it all means either, but we’ve clearly met each other for a reason. Only time can tell us. But what I do know is that I’m insane about you. I can’t stop thinking about you either, and I want nothing more than to just be inside you, looking deep into your eyes.

I needed to include these so you can see what I was dealing with and why I fell so hard for him.

I know some have said he love bombed me. Or that he was a narcissist, and perhaps he was. But these words touched me so profoundly at the time, and I believed every single word.

These excerpts were merely a drop in the ocean of the messages we exchanged. He wrote paragraphs filled with his feelings and emotions; you couldn’t fake that. Well, at least I liked to believe he didn’t.

Ghost was becoming my heart, and all I wanted was to be his.

The inevitable has arrived.

We all knew it was coming.

I still don’t understand it, but you’ve stuck with me, so you deserve to know how it all ended.

It happened over a week or so. I really can’t remember. But there was a shift. Slight at first, but it was there.

Reading back over his messages, I see him retreating. It breaks me to read them because I can’t help but wonder what I could have done differently.

What’s between us is so raw and so beautifully innate. Having this kind of connection is so rare, and I don’t want to let that go unexplored. I accept you for you because I want you—the good. The bad. All of it. You’ve said you want to protect me. Well, I want to protect you too. Let me be your strength on the days when yours may be lost. I will never stand in the way of your dreams and career. I will always support you because I want you to be happy.I’m sorry I get inmyhead. It’s something I’m trying to work on. I sometimes need reassurance. Thank you for not running away. If I run away, please chase me. You really aremySuperman

You’re so beautiful and sweet. Not to mention sexy and hot. Like you can really fuel a fire in me that burns, and I just want to explode. Your words mean so much to me. I love that you are willing to accept all of me, the baggage weighing me down, my work ethic, my ambition. That means more than you’ll ever know. Sometimes one just longs to be understood and accepted. You can be absolutely everything, and I’ll be the same for you.

Although his messages were still heartfelt, I went from receiving endless messages from Ghost to maybe one or two a day.

I wanted to believe he was busy with work, but something was happening in the background—I just didn’t know what.

Months since we first started talking, he didn’t text me all day, which wasn’t like him at all as he’d made an effort to message me every day since we first connected.

I sent a photo of myself blowing a kiss with the caption:Just wanted to make sure you’re okay?

Good morning! First things first, you’re so stunning I can’t fathom it. I hope you slept well. I’m okay. I had a bad day yesterday as I had to fire two people, and it just carried on outside of work too. It really depleted me and put me in a bad mood. Work life to personal life balance is way off atm. Only because I’m juggling a little too much than I can handle, I think. I’m not sure when I’ll see you next. I need to get some replacements ASAP.

My heart and brain went into overdrive, but I needed to calm the fuck down. This was Ghost. The man who’d stuck with me for months. No way was he having a change of heart.

Hell to the fuck no!

Oh, that sucks. I’m so sorry & I can only imagine how hard that was. Areyouokay? Life is about balance. Do whatyoucan and remember your well-being; your happiness comes first.Youcan’t help others ifyou’reburned out. I meant what I said—I’m here for the good and the bad. I knowyou’renot always going to be happy.But neither am I. I’m here to hugyouand listen toyou. I’m a really good listener. I’d rather that than not talking or seeingyouat all. I missyou. I miss your mouth. I also miss your smile whenyoulook down at me in bed ’cause those teeth. Doyourealizeyoudo that? Sending so many kisses x

I needed him to see his worth as I could sense his depression was creeping in, and he shared that when that happens, he retreats.

You’re so sweet and beautiful. That’s such a beautiful message and so reassuring. You’re wayyyy too kind for this world. It certainly doesn’t deserve you. Thank you for saying my happiness matters. It’s something I definitely struggle with a lot. I miss you too, gorgeous. Miss absolutely everything about you. Miss the way you kiss me. You actually think my teeth are cute? They’re always something I’ve been self-conscious of, but I’m learning to love them because of you. Thank you for sending me kisses. I’m sending twice as many back and many, many dirty thoughts to you.

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