Page 69 of Love Harder

Fun?Really?

My response went along the lines of:

I was here all week, which is why I wanted to spend ample time with you to see if we vibed. If so, I would have come back sooner rather than later. I want someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them. Telling me I’m fun to hang out with isn’t an incentive for me to come back.

I wasn’t going to do this again.

His reply was heartfelt and like the Brooklyn I thought I knew.

He said he understood where I was coming from and apologized for making it seem he didn’t want to spend time with me. He enjoyed our time together, and it was nice meeting my friends.

He then added I deserve somebody who wants to spend time with me, which wasn’t the case with him. He was just mentally exhausted and didn’t handle stress well. He wished me a safe trip.

And that was it.

He assured me we could still talk, but it just equated to silence.

Two days passed, and he decided to text me back. His message was curt and blunt, reminiscent of our phone call.

Was that a sign I should have paid attention to?

He said he wasn’t ignoring me. He had a lot of things “popping off” the last two days and needed a break from his phone to decompress, and I’ve literally been complaining to him for days. And needless to say, he couldn’t deal with that at the moment.

Well, fuck him too.

I had asked him what was going on as I didn’t understand his silence. I wasn’t complaining. I simply asked why the silence. His whole “I needed to decompress” was a load of shit because he was posting on his socials a lot, something which he rarely did, so his excuse of staying off his phone was total bullshit.

I answered the only way I could.

With silence because silence speaks volumes.

He texted me a few days later, which I really appreciated.

I just wanted to apologize for how I responded and acted the other day. You didn’t deserve that, and I’m sure you probably aren’t happy with me, and I respect that, but I just wanted you to know that I think you’re a really wonderful woman, and I enjoyed chilling withyou. I’m sure you’ve felt like I was ignoring you, and I should have texted you back. I was just really angry. I found out I owe a lot of money on some stupid things, so yeah, hope you’ve made it home safely.

My heart felt better because I felt the void of not speaking. To go from speaking every day to nothing was hard, cold turkey in a sense.

I was upset he didn’t even check to see if I arrived home safely when I landed. But regardless, he texted me, so I felt that perhaps we could move on.

We exchanged a few messages, but the vibe was off, and the inevitable loomed.

He wasn’t feeling it anymore, and I honestly just went into self-preservation mode again.

I had been home for about a week and thought I would try one last time.

Good morning. I miss you in my bed.

It took him a day to reply.

Aw sorry I thought I replied to this. I hate this. All texted out.

And that was the last thing he ever said to me, that he was all texted out.

I didn’t reply, torn with what an appropriate response would even be.

I decided to be honest. It was a short message.

Hi. Miss you. Hope you’re okay x

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